Basic Thuganomics

Livewire United

2012-01-29T19:03:00.001+08:00

"The beautiful game", as it's mentioned and described by many soccer fanatics, is a game that can't be expressed by words but actions of the feet.

At the start of mid-October 2011, it is a group of teenagers, with some young adults involved, to form a team for a Thursday soccer league that is held weekly at East Coast Park.

It wasn't easy to form the perfect team, as no one knows each other, especially their strengths and weakness in the pitch. Training begins and each week, the bits and pieces are merged together, yet the only concern still exist; so much talking but will we defeat our opponents?

The first game begins, against the leading Champ; Dorset Boys; who has a good reputation of their players way of playing soccer. Mistakes made the team to lost a huge upset of 18-3. Problems were voiced out from there but we decide to hang on.

The next fixture; Steady Joes; a mid table group which we believed we could beat on. Leading with a 3-1 at the first half was a good sign but lapse in the defense once again caused the team to lose by the final scoreline of 5-4. We cried foul but the referee resumes the play, and the opponent continues to slot the ball into the net though the ball was out of the line when witnessed by many. A painful defeat.

The following matches against Red Stallions (16-2 lost), Los Santos (12-3 lost) and Street Boyz (3-11 lost) had been a big hit on our morales. Problems raised as players within the team faced problems such as injuries, commitments and others, causing disharmony.

The turning point of the league came when we staged against Gunners FC, a matured team who are im-par to our standards of play. We won our first match, of 5-2 and lifting us out of the bottom, and be 6th of the 7 team league. A relief but more work is to be done.

Second part of the league season shows more improvements in the game. Losing our next 3 games to Dorset Boys (8-11 lost but still we improved), Steady Joes (8-2 lost which was depressing) and Red Stallions (6-4 lost) had build up our understanding of our opponents play.

The remaining 3 fixtures before we conclude the league is important and we are hoping that we could gain 3 points from Street Boyz (5th in the league, leading us by 1 point) and Gunners FC (last in the league with a point).

I wont be there to commit in the remaining games but I wish the team luck in getting their required victories, and attaining the team's aim of getting a mid table finish.

Signing off, from a member of Livewire FC

JJ Lin's New Album: 學不會

2011-12-31T11:38:00.002+08:00

Lin Jun Jie has released his new album; 學不會; today. I had pre-order the album and will be hoping to hear new compositions from him.

This album will be his first album under Warner Music. Previously, JJ Lin was from Ocean Butterflies Music since the start of his music career. Probably its called greener pastures, the new move to a new company may help him in broaden his music career.

Let's just anticipate the realease of his album and hear what's new from his compositons, to determine whether a brand new JJ music is out for us to hear, or not.

2nd October 2011

2011-10-02T11:40:00.000+08:00

It's chemistry that we met.
It's destiny that we know one another's existence.
It's fate that brings us together.
It's chance that allows us to work out on everlasting obstacles of each other's life from now on.

With all said, this special date brings 2 person out of loneliness in this world, all because of "L.O.V.E".

世界少了两个寂寞的人,因为爱.

3 Years On, With Lots of Misses

2011-09-12T23:52:00.002+08:00

Together with Eugene and Jimmy, we finally made a trip down to Bright Hill Temple (Guang Ming Shan) to pay our respects to a dear friend; Te Seng. Its been quite a long time since we went back to the temple to pay our respects to him.

I always wanted to go to the temple to pay a visit alone but didnt have the time to do so. It was a few days ago, after a movie with Jimmy and Yun Ting, when Jimmy reminded me about Te Seng that I decided to organize a trip this time round. The last time we went over to the temple, we could not find the correct alter that Te Seng was placed.

Upon reaching the temple, we went to make a search at the area and with 3 pair of eyes, searching high and low, we managed to locate the urn of Te Seng. If any of my mates here do not know where exactly is Te Seng's urn, the following serial no states so.

Level 1 - L1 0904

I cant remind myself all the time of this serial number of Te Seng's urn but of course, I did the most brilliant way to take note of it; via my MSN message. I had put it since Te Seng's death to remind myself to make a visit annually.

With the help of the uncles from the temple, the 3 of us offered our prayers for Te Seng before we made our way to Ang Mo Kio hub for lunch. Think again, Te Seng had passed on since 17 February 2008, which means 3 years and counting. I still miss him alot, so does the other boys.

His laughter, his voice, his unique spectacles with that cranky look. I miss the way he always called me whenever we have gatherings. "Mr Singapore Idiot", that was what he said (he knows I like to sing).

Before the group break for their respective activities, I posted this online at Facebook, which states "Finally, we managed to locate and pray our respects to you. Dearest friend, it's been 3 years plus since you've gone and we still miss you. Rest in peace, Ah Seng."

There were a couple of 'likes' on the comment, mainly from the class of 5N3. I could say, everyone still miss him. No one expects such a thing had happened to him, to his family, and to us.

I was quite moody the entire afternoon. I did some work-related stuff but was not as energetic as before. I wanted to shop with friends but I rejected them. It was that moment where you want to be alone for a couple of hours, to refreshen the mood.

I felt much better now. Apologies to Ping Ding for not meeting you for shopping at H&M. I just want to chill a little but not telling you the reason.

Life goes on. Ah Seng, Rest in peace while the class moves on.

Crowned Champions

2011-08-30T18:53:00.002+08:00

Javier did said something similar on this, "to enter the competition not for the experience but to become Champions."

It sounds ambitious but to be honest, who doesn't want to be crowned Champions in a competition.

Singthesis was taking its first baby step towards reality, where the singing is brought to it's first step; the first step towards the group's evolution.

A little history about Singthesis, it started from a small group of committee members of NYP Voice Ensemble, where the group decided to stay on, and becoming Alum-9. (Graduated and there were 9 of us) Hence, as the group increase in numbers, Alum-9 became Singthesis: Music and People.

Months of practice and sacrifices; work, sleep, off, studies, etc; that we came this far. We had mastered the 3 songs that to be used for competition. "Gamelan" was first, followed by "Angel" and lastly, "Chilli Corn Carne".

We sang, with confidence and smiles. Yet we failed to use the stage space and make frequent eye contact with the audience. When the judges commented our song piece, we thought all hope was lost.

However, when Singthesis was pronounced as Champions, it was an inspiration to the group that we had did it, our efforts were paid off. Our first triumph and mini trophy. Some cried, many embraced. Best of all; everyone were smiling with glee.

More obstacles for the group, with an involvement in Christmas Carolling followed with an annual NYP Voice Ensemble concert, things will get better each time.

Singthesis, another place to be called home, especially for people... And music. =]

I'm Not That Bad After All

2011-08-04T02:30:00.000+08:00

Going through those emotional periods lately had been difficult for me but I realized what was the reason to all these: I'm aimless with life.

Hence, I have decided that studies will be my next motivational level that I will try to attend. Part time studies isn't easy but I believe if I'm determine enough, I can manage it. Yet, the only reason is still work concerns, affecting my schedules in future.

Initially I only got to know that 2 mates are pursuing their studies but now, there's 3. I was stunned on the spot upon hearing the news but I guess, I will need lots of self studying to improve my grades. I just gonna see what lies ahead in the future but if worst come to worst, moving on from where I work may be a good way to pursue my interest. That shall be my concern in the later months.

Another concern, probably a reflection that I had earlier tonight, was about being man enough in a boy-girl relationship. I don't know but I realized that I'm not a pretty bad guy after all when it comes to romance.

I may have love and lost the 2 gals of my dreams but to be honest, I think I did a perfect job during the start and midst of the relationship, until the latter. I don't know how am I supposed to continue this reflection but I really want to thank them for playing a part of my love life, especially Auntie Emily for the life changing experience that I had gone through.

At the end of the day, a man should put in effort in a relationship to ensure it works and add in some romance chemistry or else, woman will find it bored when being with you!

Also, when it comes to comparison on who loves who more and who sacrifices more, please!! It's not easy to measure and will measuring them make both ends happy? I don't think so. If such minor stuff can make things rocky, I think the gal can deserve better.

Lastly, if you wish to get a date with the gal you are fond to, just DO it!! Ask the damn question for a date and don't e pessimistic all the time. These stuff can worry at the later part. Gambate!!

Well, no one is being referred in this post so I have come clean.

I am just at the comfort zone of singlehood and why? I had been loved before. It's good enough for now, I guess. Thanks XX and Auntie Emily for the love you once gave and cherished. I'm contented with that. =]

The Scar That Brings Back History

2011-07-19T02:13:00.000+08:00

I had a deep cut on my left sole of my feet. It's actually not a serious injury but I got it while playing a game of water captains ball for the Home Team Healthy Lifestyle event.

I tried to hit the ball away and I jumped up high, and landed onto a metal rod which was inside the water, resulting direct contact. I was bleeding profusely but the blood stops gradually. However, the pain doesn't.

Suddenly, a whole lot of things came into my mind. It reminds me of that moment when I was still with Auntie Emily, where I was supposed to bring her for fish spa but she told me she had suffered a deep cut on her sole of her feet. I was frustrated that she didn't tell me about the cut but she assured me that she was fine. That fateful day, we went for Prawning instead.

Now, the pain was not worst as before but each time I looked at the scar, the same historical images will shuttered across my mind. Auntie Emily's smile will remain in me for that short moment. The feeling of missing someone was so strong that I realized how weak I was when I told myself that its time to forget her.

Sadly, she is always in my mind no matter where I go. I still love her I guess. Yet, she is not by my side any longer. If I could have a second chance, I'm willing to do a better job as her guy but I can't accept the pain that I had inflicted her during the past, that i will have no guts to continue that mission impossible task.

Jeremy told me umpteen times that in order to move on, the first thing he gonna do to my room is to throw that puzzle picture that Auntie Emily had done for me for my birthday. Of course!! No way!!

I guess, no one can really replace this girl who is the one that makes me dream of a better life, a better future and a desire to ensure that life - is to live happily ever after.

Auntie Emily, hope you're doing fine even though you don't read these words of truth from a Uncle's heart.

I missed her, deeply, I just realized.

23rd Birthday

2011-07-13T01:56:00.000+08:00

Time flies and it's the day when I grow by a year. How I wish that time could paused for a moment, let me have a breather before I continue my journey of mankind.

If you ask me, what are the wishes that you have made for your birthday? I would still say, same as usual. Its always about wishing the people around me to stay healthy and happy at all times.

The truth is, I didn't really make a proper wishing for myself this year. I have find it pointless to do so. No idea for that but throughout the year, its all about heart aches and pain. It's always about work, friends and home that I realized, I'm not doing anything for my own sake.

Wanting to stay fit, I trained hard but end up, a back injury stops me from moving on further. Wanting to love a person and start afresh, I tried to meet new people but do not have the courage and mentality to accept another. Only a phrase describes me: a piece of shit.

To be honest, I'm happy that many of my friends celebrated my birthday. The diving crew and athletes had sang a birthday song for me. Singthesis fellows had a cake for me. VJ, Jeremy and gang held a steamboat for me. Simin and Jeremy had brought me to the fish spa to relax... Appreciated with thanks.

Yet again, never did I feel comfortable throughout the whole experience as there were a few stupid incidents that took place these days. The renting of car under Jeremy's name, the clinger feeling that I faced in and off the diving event, not forgetting that I had fall sick during the process. Sucks to the core.

I have no idea what lies in the future. I only thing that I know right now is I'm currently fighting on without a purpose. There's no motivation for me to move on in life. The only key to these answers is to find it by myself and only me, who can bring myself to see what lies the future of mine.

I'm just finding everything meaningless for now. Sorry but Nicholas may be smiling but he has no idea why he is doing so, probably to entertain many others, as a tool of anger and sadness for others.

Nicholas, the puppet, has arrived.

Zam Zam ORD!

2011-06-08T22:50:00.003+08:00

The disaster about celebration is when the planning are suck up! Initially, it was a Malaysia retreat after work at night but end up with a painful 3 hour "lost in the woods" journey before we settled down for our dinner, which was like 3am.

I dont mind about being hungry but when listening to the senior colleagues making a fuss about the matter, I feel that they should voice out if there is any unhappiness to the plan. Nevertheless, I guess everyone still enjoyed the food at Old Town Cafe at Johor before we proceed back home to rest.

Sadly, Muzz, Munir and I had double the dozsage of ice coffee! It taste awesome and we craved for more. Moreover, with such an affordable pricing, why not. This resulted my sleepless off day, when I only closed my eyes for 3 hours in the morning and a proper sleep for an hour plus at noon.

I guess I need to do something about my sleep. Irregular sleeps lately made me to be the ultimate Ultraman, fighting a marathon of insomnia.

For now, that's the end of everything. Well, Zamir, happy ORD! =]
With misses from me dude!

Her Life...

2011-05-15T20:50:00.000+08:00

Ever wonder what it feels like to make your first step into this world? Ever wonder what it feels like to make your first contact with another human being when you’re out of the womb? Or maybe, ever wonder how it feels when your heart stops abruptly, yet knowing that there are many things which you still yet to try.

I wonder how it feels, if it fall upon me, or the reaction of others towards me.

Do I feel pain? Do I feel fear, happy or sad?

How about the people around me?

My family members, my relatives, my close friends, my school mates, my colleagues; what would they feel?

It’s so hard to believe that this person came into the world; our world; and in 11 days of going through what a human does – breathe, hear, smell, probably feel and sight, her life just turned upside down like a tsunami that flooded Hawaii. Similar to demolishing the buildings in the town with a single wave, the nightmare had erased many wonderful dreams and memories that she could hardly remember in her tiny mind at that moment.

Attending to her at her bedside, nothing could describe how I felt. It was a sight of despair. Every breath taken in the room showed the determination of the many little ones who wants to live on. Sadly, she had given up.

When I first saw the young lady who had acknowledged the little one’s existence at the start of her birth, I thought she had shown some remorse for what had happened. Unfortunately; seeing is believing; and the young lady was as cheerful as ever, showing no concern to what had happened. She showed no instincts of a caretaker who would risk her life to protect the little one.

No words could describe the sadness that filled in my sympathetic heart to the little one but this sadness shortly turned into rage of anger when I discovered the actions of the young lady to be not genuine. Shame on her, and I felt like giving her a knock-out punch to ensure that her conscious was awake but nothing could be done. In my current position, I can’t.

I maybe emotional but seriously, a lesson was learnt. If you love someone, and you are willing to do anything with her, always take a step back, reflect. Reflect what others would think if you made an action to show how much you love, care or desire.

Most importantly, if you are not willing to give a damn about the outcome, please! Don’t let the innocent suffer. If you are ready and willing to do it and bear the consequences, then I have nothing to say but promised, not to hurt others in the process but learn to protect them, with your heart and soul.

For now, my prayers go to the little one; the little dove that heads to the Lord. I’m no Christian but I hope all goes well for her next adventure to life.

The New Beginning Comes With New Disasters

2011-05-06T01:52:00.002+08:00

Packed schedules and commitments make it harder for me to breathe. The hectic work during the month of March and April was a killer, causing me to lose track of my priorties, relaxation and fun.

Luckily, my trip to Hong Kong and Macau during March was long planned to ease myself from all these stress. Imagine you are away from work, away from any problems that is in relation to work. Unfortunately, my Sister told me that I was a workaholic that I end up performing my core duties as a good fellow while I was in Hong Kong. I'm too engrossed with work I guess. =.="

Well, when I thought that I could enjoy myself when I'm back into the group, I was wrong. The first wrong step was made when I made a decision to do the right thing by going through the left way. You can call it "lucky" but sometimes I don't understand what's the seriousness of doing the left way in solving a problem. Isn't it what they call it, "think out of the box?"

They implement rules for the lazy, for the idiots, for the spoilers, yet they encourage people to be more creative, to be professional, to be street smart. Then, why with the rules to tie people down? That's sounds like a contradicting statement issued by the 'hunks' and 'babes' of that society class.

I know that I was in the wrong, and deserved the obstacles I'm gonna go through for that grevious dumb mistake that was done. Yet, I still believed my own philosophies. I guess, they don't mind losing a man through a low BP than a person who got out of his restrictions.

Worst, the past is always brought up to condemn oneself from moving forward. You want to improve but with your memories all about the past, why can't you just admit it that you can't put the past aside and accept that you're getting old, probably senile in the future when we grow or mature. Plus, I can cope with the past crap senario that was given. I didn't ask for a reformation of the environment change. It was implemented by the 'hunks' and babes' and not me, Fool.

Seriously, I'm having a great diet lately with 2 meals per day due to the weird schedule that I had to go through each month. Change after change. I had lack of sleep by sacrificing them for sports, especially after a night's out. 30 hours without sleep to do something you like, each week? You think its cool? Yeah, I'm now known by my buddies as 'Mr Ultraman' but its super tiring to save the world with fatigue, stress and irregular monthly torture.

I had explained what I wish to say to the people who feels the burden for my actions. Like it, hate it, all I could say is that I don't mind being looked down. I never think myself highly but if I am one of the worst person in the group, then let me be. At least I shall be the role model to others that they should learn not to follow.

Retards... ZZzzz.. I have done with my saying... See ya in the "court room" while I face my judgement day in front of the eyes of the jury as you decide my fate towards justice, Judge.

"Spears and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." - Anonymous

Random

2011-02-25T01:22:00.002+08:00

Right now, I'm waiting for time to pass, before I could watch the Liverpool Europa match at Sun Plaza Macdonalds with Eugene. Supposingly there's Jeremy joining us but guess what, the nutcracker had drank too much that he went to la-la land to meet his girlfriend instead. =P

Well, nothing much had been on lately. The Lunar New Year had past not long ago and yes, I've been recieving red packets during my visits. However, I was too busy with work that I did not feel the festive season mood of celebrating the brand new year. I had to work during the day before and the first day of the Lunar New Year. That sucks isn't it? Well, maybe that's the crucial thing about working life as an adult. Oops~! Did I say I'm an adult? Jeezzz....

Not only during the festive period that I was working but Valentines Day too! Wait a minute, I do not have any partner so what's the worry? Haha! However, it does make me feel jealous once in awhile to see the streets filled with couples. The kisses, the huggings, the sweet talks... I missed them so much but there's nothing I could do. I still recall recently that I saw her while I was going down the escalator from train station, whereby I saw her being hugged by her boyfriend. There's this sudden rage within me but shortly, I was feeling alright. I guess I have finally learn to let go but of course, not the memories at the moment.

Well, work was terrible, so does my fitness. Nicholas is getting FAT! Yes, I mean it, FAT! I cant believe it that I have not been exercising and while playing soccer, I could not run and perform that I used to be. Probably because I'm still nursing my back injury? Well, I've rescheduled my specialist appointment at Tan Tock Seng Hospital to 22nd March. Hope nothing serious this time round even though there's still constant pain once in awhile.

At least, I had a full 45 minutes match with James and his friends at Bukit Batok last Sunday, with the final score at 5-3 and I scored two goals as we went for a victory. A solo effort from me at the right flank and I dribbled pass the defence before planting my shot that went pass the goalie. The second came from a good assist from the left flank as I tapped the ball in. I just want to train more, to improve my fitness, to regain my touch, and to solve the FATS problem within me.

Alright, time to stop now. Eugene's gonna kill me cause I'm late again... Zzz...

The Past, The Present and Future (Resolutions)

2011-01-25T03:05:00.003+08:00

Yikes! It’s a LONG LONG LONG LONG time since I’ve blogged~!!

If busy is an excuse that many can put up with, guess what, that’s the perfect excuse to describe myself. Never ending projects, as usual, has been killing me. Work like an ox during my shifts, waste my time on work related stuff during my 2nd off days, killing my sleep time just to maintain my social network, GOSH THIS IS TIRING BUT WORTH IT!

First thing first, with a busy schedule, I managed to join the Alum9 (at least half of them) and another few new people, to form up a ensemble group called “Singthesis”. It sounds like describing a plant due to the word ‘photosynthesis’ but this is different. I liked the name a lot! However, I had trouble learning all the songs and I managed to learn them, at least the tunes, within a day of practicing at home. I still had stage fright as I had cold sweat during 2 times of performances on the actual day. Think I’m rusty with the stage. Overall, a good job done by Singthesis as we marked our first performance with thumbs up. =]

Sad thing that happened before we say goodbye to 2010, I had a back injury, just by doing the stupid situp on a swissball. I'm healing the injury at the moment but I guess I need to see a physio soon. I cant play soccer or swim until I'm feeling better, as I promised to someone. =X Hope to heal fast so I can train fast, for IPPT and for soccer.

Luckily I had a chance to spend my new year eve with a friend and what’s cool about the new year of 2011; wake up for work. Isn’t that great, to have the first thing in your mind or task list is to get ready for work in full gear. Nevertheless, it was still a good New Year celebration. Not to forgot to take a long walk with a different feeling, as well as my first ever walk through to Marina Bay Sands! Yup! First time ever!

Then, there is an outing to Marina Barrage, another first time. I’ve never been to that green area before even though everyone had posted pictures as well as describing the common activities that can be done over there. Initially I had planned to have a gathering once during September 2010 for the YOG gang but end up a waste as I was deployed back for work. Hmm… probably a March or April outing could help this time round for the YOG cliques. Still, it was fun at Marina Barrage though I was just walking around and enjoying the breeze. =]

Lately, the team had been working hard for a skit for the 3I Convention 2011 and on that day itself, it was a success. We rehearsed like crazy at Republic Polytechnic for days and I was really having back stage frights. Wrong lines… Tired eyes… Emotionless acting… All the negative stuff that you can add on in a skit, you get it. Still, we made the audience laughed and enjoyed the entire show as we acted in front of them.

My role; a Ah Beng; was just something cool! I’ve never been an Ah Beng during Secondary school or my Polytechnic days. I was just that innocent guy. Think I did grow to be rebellious during my training days. I’m also pleased to hear from Shayima; another teammate; that there was praises for my acting. Thank you, Zizi; director of the show; for looking highly on me. Now I can say that I did once acted before in my life. Life time fulfillment.

More challenges ahead for the year 2011. Resolutions? As usual, the list goes on and on but this is the gist of the main ones I’ve always thought of.

1) Never to be late for all occasions, unless I'm coped up with something (have a good excuse)
2) At most 2 events per day to avoid disappointment for others, as well as myself
3) Learn as much as I can during work
4) Prepare for college if possible, at least plan by this year end
5) Learn to tolerate people's nonsense, especially when it comes to work (无论如何, 都要忍)

Guess that is all for now. Till next time I guess. Happy New Year and soon, Chinese New Year. =]

One After Another..

2010-11-09T12:22:00.002+08:00

It's a never ending process. It's always project after project, event after event. I'm getting lost as days goes by.

Don't even try telling me what's the day, that's because I've lost track of my dates. All I know was my 2nd off will always be my Sunday, that's how pathetic it have been.

Teck Leong's voluntary work at Tai Pei Womens Home had ended with a success. Hiccups everywhere but we manage to go on. Thanks Teck Leong for the efforts.

I had an enjoyable time, maybe not able to perform with Chris for the singing session but at least, I tried my 1st MC on stage, make the event run smoothly, ensure everyone is enjoying it and... Got kissed by an auntie few times on my cheek and once nearly on the lips =X

'Strike Crime' @ Velocity was the next event, with soccer action throughout the day. It's also another success but thank god, I'm not doing any MC and stuff.

Gift for that day, a whack by a ball and getting a blue black on my right eye for nearly a week.

Mum had been rubbing my eyes with an egg after the incident but it's ok! I'm fine now! Haha!

Overall, 'Strike Crime' was a success too. I could say I've put in effort for this event, since I had to stay overnight in my workplace for 2 days to complete the Games booth items.

Think again, after the event, I've not been sleeping on my bed for nearly 5 days as I had to work after the event day. By then when I reach home, I'm exhausted and was sleeping on the sofa. Haix...

Tired... More to come with ACTING and WITS coming up. It's not simple but I just need to find some motivation to inspire me to hang on. Hmmm...

** Happy belated birthday to my friend, 'Auntie Em' and also congrats for finding the man you love.

08/09/2010 - After A Year had past...

2010-09-08T16:02:00.002+08:00

A year ago, a group of unknown was gathered together, sharing for a common goal. Mostly were boys whereas some were men.

Once we signed the agreement to serve, there was no turning back. With courage, loyalty, integrity and fairness as our motto, we trained together, eat together, punished together, enourage one another...

8 months of knowing each other had make us united. Now, 8th September has made it's mark. There is something worthwhile to remind us about this fateful date; when we embark our first step towards maturity.

A journey of being a protector of lives has just began.

On 09/09/2010, it's another new chapter of my life story, as I'm officially in the team. Let's hope I'm doing fine after that. Work hard everyone. =]

End of YOG

2010-08-26T00:31:00.000+08:00

With every beginning comes with an ending. In 7 days, everyone who had helped out in Diving for SYOG had a wonderful experience. Alright, for most of them.

Throughout the 7 days, friendship was made, whether it's local or overseas. Although Facebook would be the only way that connects us, at least it was once worthwhile that we know each other through this event.

I definitely enjoyed my experience in the grandest stage of all even there might be unpleasant issues that I've to come across with. As what Freddy said and I really have to agree with him; I enjoyed the partnership between us though we have gone through lots of unhappiness and disasterous stuff; thanks Fred.

End of the event, Daryl gave a heartwarming speech of his feelings towards the entire event's success. Tears were at the brim of his eyes but that were tears of joy. Without hesitation, he jumped into the diving pool with a fill of satisfaction. Subsequently, almost everyone in the committee were in the pool.

Damien was my first victim but by then, I was in the pool to retrieve Ping Ding's sunglasses, which was at the pool bottom. Lol... Well, at least I jumped my 1m, 3m, 5m and 10m height from the diving platform. Of course, I need to do some towing to assist those who do not know how to swim but wish to jump from the 3m apringboard. Lol... Cool to the max. =]

Hm... Now it's gonna be back to work... I shall work hard even more i gusss. Oh! Simin still owes me a 10m jump. =P

** I'll be the merman that will be there for you whenever you landed into the deep waters, bringing you back to the dryland for your safety and lastly, to lend my shoulder for every comfort you need.

Busy Lately with NDP / YOG

2010-08-23T00:28:00.000+08:00

Didn't have the chance and time to blog lately. It has been a busy period as YOG and NDP were around the corner, not forgetting to clear my work stuff to accomodate my time in YOG.

NDP was a success, in terms of my duty as a runner for the event. Not about the running and stuff but I get to see some performances lived rather than on the televisions every year. I'm not that fancy about NDP but it's a good thing to catch it live at Padang.

Fireworks lighted up the sky not only just some areas behind the river but also from the Marina Bay Sands building! Cool! Chui Lee was thinking that the fireworks could do the job to make the building disappear since it's emitted from it. Haha... Silly 大妹妹..

Now to YOG, it's been fun throughout even though there are some stress points during the event. Let's not mention about the stressful stuff but... Think of the positive ones.

Got to know alot of new people, get to eat good food (reminds me of HTA sunsequently after consuming similiar ones daily), watch divers dived regardless they are handsome and beautiful, working with old cliques that I enjoyed with and many more!

I managed to take pictures with some divers and it's an honour to take a picture with them, especially Tom Daley, a champ and a favourite to many Singapore girls... Just imagine you past by a group of girls and shout "Tom Daley!!" and they go wild. Lol.

2 more days before the whole event ends. I don't know how it would be but maybe this is my last diving event that I'm gonna participate in. Let's just say, my time is up for volunteering, simply that.

Hope to enjoy the remaining event and not to forget, to jump from the 10m platform, probably with style. =P

我就是笨蛋

2010-07-30T15:31:00.004+08:00

Initially, I am supposed to help Dad to burn the incense papers at the grass patch below my block but due to some circumstances, it resulted to a failure and in that instant, I exploded. Yes, Nicholas Teo Wei Teck went insane again.

Reflecting back, it all happened because I was preparing the incense papers and I placed it onto the wet grass patch due to the continuous downpour. I know the papers would be wet but by lighting those up quickly, everything would be settled fast. I was wrong. The lighter wasn’t working. Pressing the button umpteen times but it wouldn’t work. I carried the wet stake of papers up to my house, changed the lighter (out of 5 lighters, only 1 was working) and down to the void deck to burn the papers. This time round, the papers won’t burn.

I had enough! I called my Mum and informed her about it. I was superbly angry. Mum could hear how agitated I am and told me to bring the whole stake up again. I told her, it was a stupid idea that Dad wanted me to do. I reached home, placed the stuff outside and called Dad, informed him about the matter. Dad laughed but I didn’t find it funny. I was still pissed. Damn…

I put down the phone and threw it hard to the sofa. Seeing the swissball nearby, I just gave it a hard kick, as if I was in a soccer match, aiming the ball at the opponent instead to the goal. I was really mad. I felt like punching the wall but it won’t help to ease my anger.

That’s when I asked myself, why should I always follow people’s stupid ideas or recommendations?! For the past 2 years, it’s always I pleasing their suggestions, resulting to my stupidity towards things. Why? Stupidity made me regret a lot of things.

"笨就是笨!!! 为何！为何！我是笨，还是傻，还是我就是没用过大脑的人！"
"为何我会那么笨，要去做些别人叫我做的事情，但没用过大脑去想自己做的是对是错。"
"为何我会那么笨，会给一个我不认识的人，骗了自己的钱，还亏我是个知法人员。"
"为何我会那么笨，当自己的女朋友说分手，而我傻傻地答应。"
"为何我是那么笨，去相信每个人所说的话，以为全都是真的。"
"我真的是大笨蛋。。。"

I'm still angry but there's nothing I could do about all these things. I probably just want to rest since I'm feeling tired of everything.

Never will I ever believe in what others say. Never will I believe in certain stuff again. I will learn to toy with them rather than cherish them.

Today... I just wanted to be alone. I wish to have someone's accompany, but never mind. I dont want to hurt another person's feeling, like how I hurt "Randomised D" again.

To "Randomised D", sorry.

Lousy

2010-07-23T21:16:00.000+08:00

I recieved a call earlier and when I looked onto the phone screen, the first alphabat "K" says it all; work. There must be some issues that I failed to settle or something must be very wrong.

Picking up the call and true enough, another silly yet major mistake that I've made. Another reason to prove my incapability to the job? I don't know.

Now, I'm feeling worried and sorry for the person who took over me. Gosh.. What mess have I created. Its not one but two mistakes. Yeah, you learnt your lessons through mistakes but in the working world, that is not a good point to reason your wrongs.

The team will be meeting out tomorrow for a buffet lunch yet I felt so lousy. I wonder what the rest would be asking regarding the matter. I just don't feel like showing up and face any one of them.

Now i understood why many said not to talk about work when you're relaxing. I don't feel like talking about it. I just feel sick of it, especially now, when i'm sick, physically and mentally..

Sick due to these following symptoms -
- cough
- sorethroat
- work

Sucks... =\

Misconceptions

2010-07-15T23:05:00.000+08:00

Is there is a need to get flare up after hearing the right stuff? Or is it because you just dont like to hear the right stuff and you want things to be done in your way? Even if you prefer to do things in your way, I'm so sorry, sir, things would not change just because of you..

In two months, I recieved two "compliments" from others. Unlike to the first incident, this time round, it was directed to the elites of the elites. Fairness... this word does not seemed to be justified, after knowing what the hack has been happening recently.

"Compliments", they are good when it helps you to build up your daily experience and learning. It sucks when it is informed to others and they made a big "Woo~Haa" about it.

Anyway, I just cant be bothered. If the worst comes, I would just have to rise my right hand, swear the oath and allow the rest to listen to what I have to say. I just cant believe it that when we are supposingly working as a team, you would rather cover your arse than protecting your mates. Selfish act of one.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Then, there goes another one, with one says, "...

You’d think i want to hide cause i don’t want others to know?
You think it’s so easy to pretend nothing’s going on?
Go find out EVERYTHING first, before you start coming to a conclusion that...

..." and there, it ended.

Well, I'm not bothered on what had happened or will I spend my time finding out everything. Some doubts were already answered long time ago.

That's all I could say.

The Wonderful Things of being 22 on 12th July!!

2010-07-14T16:21:00.004+08:00

A present from your best childhood buddy
Meeting up old pals that I haven't been meeting up at Swensons (VJ & Gang)
Wearing kid's mask at Swensons; Woody and Wu-Liao
3 birthday cakes for me to clear in the next few days - 2 Strawberries 1 Mango
To know my first birthday greeting was from Jimmy (older than me by 4 days)
Catching the World Cup Finals between SPAIN and HOLLAND!
Recieving a birthday greeting from the person you missed the most - you
A simple yet happy buffet with pals (Kian Wee & Wincent)
Eating a buffet till I fall asleep - too tired
Being a shopaholic for a day
Your jeans zip to give way while shopping =.=
Getting a new pair of black Zara jeans - a gift for myself
To Voice Ensemble and sing my hearts out
Having my goal achieved, thanks to efforts from my buddies and family
A bicycle to ride to work in future - WHHHHHEEEEE!
Saying more 'Thank you' than 'Sorry' for the time being
Smile till my mouth cramp
Recieving 155 birthday wishes via Facebook
To reply every comment in Facebook which takes 1 hour
Dress nicely for once in a lifetime
Going out with a good look, espcially the hair
Just being myself all this while

10/07/2010 - 1711HRS

2010-07-14T16:20:00.003+08:00

1711hrs; in MRT train towards Novena

Surrounded by aunties and uncles in the crowded train, in front of me was a young chap and gal, sitting next to each other.

They looked as if they are friends but looking at the chap's behaviour, there was something that shows more about his heart. He was shy while talking, and wasn't as expressive as the gal.

They continued to chat until one point, the gal slided her fingers to the chap's hand, and gripped his hand gently. The guy smiled, the gal blushed. What couarge the gal had!!

Slowly, the gal tilted her head and lie on the guy's broad shoulder. Though it wasn't that comfortable, the gal don't seemed to mind. The guy just kept quiet but he must be feeling that he's the most fortunate guy of the world at that point of time, I think.

I admired by the guts of the gal but I'm more amazed by what actually took place in front of me. True love, live, in front of you!! I just looked at the couple and smiled without trying to alarm them.

It makes other couples to have the urge to cuddle their partners. It makes those who had just ended one to miss their previous darlings. It makes those singlehood fellows to have the urge of falling in love... Ooooooooo.. So romantic!!

Ignore about the fact for not giving up their seats for the elderly but admire the passionate of 'love' right in front of your very eyes instead.

Lesson learnt; love do exist, and it's proven. =]

Truth Hurts but Life Goes On…

2010-07-07T23:22:00.001+08:00

Every incident that occurs hides a reason behind it. The past few days had been rain and shine for me. However, from these experiences, this is how I learn to cultivate habits and gaining experiences through lessons of life through every single person that I know, talk to, met with and work with recently.

Earlier on, while browsing through the blogs, I finally found out the reason why a friend had been busy with work and stuff. Well, she had a new sweetheart! That’s cool! No disapproval about that but sadly, there was this silly guy who once tried wait for my friend but he never gets to know the truth. The fact that she hid it from others caused the other to carry false hopes, especially when he recalled the many things she once mentioned (of course, since I know him too) such as not getting steady so soon and so on. Yet, TA-DA! It happened. I guess that guy must be pretty hurt if he knows this. I can’t help but I guess, he will understand. Knowing the one you care to be taken care by the one she loved is not a bad thing actually.

I just felt… why there must a need to hide things from others. If she or he is the one you like, love or cherish, be brave to let others know. That is why, after a year plus of singlehood, I’ve get to learn more about myself. I learnt that I’m a person who rather let people know about such stuff than hiding it. I learnt a couple would not be like one if they don’t act like one, and since not acting like one, they will not last as simple issues cause hearts to withdraw. Yes, the truth hurts to know if one day, the gal or guy you like had actually hide something from you, or did something that they once promised to you that they would never do it. However, what could you do then since it had happened? Hence, that silly guy must live with that fact. =] Jia you.

Work was quite rocky lately but after spending 12 hours at a new working environment, perception towards a person’s learning and attitude changes. I reflected on the 3 types of training I received from 3 seniors on each area of duty and I found out that I am actually not a lousy learner. To be more in-depth, I am a learner who requires some spoon-feeding and plenty of encouragement. This is some things that I have understood from the 3 types of learning methods.

1) Tells you the mistakes you have made before any shit happens to you. Ask you some questions that are the basics to your duties.

Overall: I was able to learn smoothly, with certain hiccups and required plenty of reminders but I learnt to look things positively in every difficulty I had to face.

2) Never tells you a single shit until you have completed everything and when you’re being told, you realized that you had fallen into a deeper huge piece of gigantic shit. When ask for help, it was as if there is no point asking after all. Never encourage you but will be an irritating person, saying out the mistakes and would tell you to find the damn answer by yourself, even though you are lost throughout.

Overall: LOST! That’s the reply I could give. Asking becomes a burden. Performing tasks seemed like a drag. The atmosphere of the environment seemed like a cemetery, dead and quiet and when you speak, it gives the impression that the devil will haunt you and shut you up. Hate it.

3) Will guide you throughout and all you need to do is look, listen, joint down notes and experience it yourself. You may become a burden if you messed up the work but you are given the chance to try and learn from your mistakes.

Overall: I managed to learn quite a number of stuff and seriously, I maybe in a suck up situation but I was given a chance to take full control and getting encouragement and guidance after what has been done.

I like to work with the team and to be honest, one of the best teams I wish to work with for long. Yet, with myself cant adopting some teachings via stupid, insensible methods; I wonder how I would survive the storm to pass my probation. Guess, under the ‘BO BIAN’ act, I gonna live with it. Just bear with the attitudes of certain personnel and hope 12 hours past as soon as possible, whereas for the learning part, I rather ask others than asking the cocky ones. =P

Hence, I believe living with it will build up our maturity towards life problems, allowing you to be wiser with your decisions. I do not know what shit I’m gonna get from now onwards, I just prefer to live life with my own rules. Shit whatever happens recently and live life to the fullest. Damn…

Cycling In The Drizzle

2010-07-04T05:06:00.002+08:00

The best thing that humans always want from nature is to have it not too much and yet not too little. Like earlier in the wee hours, there was a drizzle around the North area. Its not a downpour, rather than a humid night.

Cycling in the drizzle was comfortable. I didnt perspire at all. I was taking my own sweet time cycling to Sembawang to meet Eugene to watch Spain vs Paraguay. Throughout the thru and flo of the journey, inclusive of the wonderful environment, its good to sing a few songs while listening to my I-Touch and start to ponder of the many things that had happened within the past week.

Thinking of issues that made me pissed...
Thinking of incidents that make me smile...
Reflecting on history that reminds me of who am I for today...
Reflecting the meaning of life due to certain crisis faced while on shift...
Learning to move on from where I have started...
Learning to go on with what has ended...
Trying to group back the missing jigsaw puzzles of understanding a mate...
Trying to overwhelm my heart with hate from what I learnt from a mate...

Blah... Blah... Blah... 30 minutes, to and fro, thinking so much stuff at one go. I hope I'm feeling the peace for now.

Definitely!! After having 26 hours without sleeping, listening to rantings and mixture of feelings... Of course, not forgetting 2 wonderful soccer matches which I watched at Macdonalds today, its time to rest!!

More stuff to do tomorrow... Gonna visit God-Granny as she's having her birthday tomorrow, as well as visiting 姨婆, who would need to go for immediate surgery very soon. I have no idea how serious it is but hope everything is fine.

Oh!!! Plus, Sister gonna help me do facial later evening! Time to enjoy and relax. =]

Wanted

2010-07-02T12:42:00.002+08:00

If you think you can make it, then, you are wanted!!

I wish to watch the "Twilight: Eclispe" but guess what, if all guys are watching, then it sounds gay. Wish to date gals out but dont feel like disturbing them.

Hence, to friends whom I know and who does visit my blog, if you are willing to watch Eclispe with me, probably next week during my off days (can be discussed), please SMS or comment me via Facebook.

Whether it is one gal or a bunch.... Eh.... I think one or two will be good enough. Please bring this boring and shy young adult together with you to the movies.

Well, he just dont like watching movies alone. That's why... =]

Cry Baby

2010-06-30T23:00:00.001+08:00

Believe it or not, I cried while working during the last night shift. To reflect on the incident, I am still puzzled why did I tear that night. Probably I’m angry because of the many chunks of paragraphs that I’ve typed that had been deleted due to connection lost, or maybe, I am just angry about myself, for being so dumb and useless.

I wanted to help the person, sitting in front of me, who needs my help to get back what most parents wish to have; their child to be back to their arms. I typed out the stuff that they need and it was like, 8 paragraphs, and indeed a long essay, I just click onto the system which has the “save as draft” button on it. Yes, I trusted the stupid system too much. I have a poor judgment and I always put too much trust on others that I will be the one whom lost out always.

Hence, with one click, everything was gone. Stunned… Why the hack did the system back down on me! Why?! I apologized to the person, whom had waited for nearly 3 hours at the counter. I tried to retype the whole document but end up, I was stopped by my senior and I had to let go of what I’m doing and let my senior to do the rest of the crap. I was frustrated, really angry. I know I will be bursting very soon. I need to find a place to release the ball of fire within me.

I excused myself, entered the toilet, and there goes Nicholas, going berserk. Fist hitting the concrete wall, washing his face repeatedly and when he looked at the mirror, he can only blamed himself for being so stubborn, foolish and stupid. Kicking the wall hard as if I was going to shoot the ball towards the net, it hurts but adrenaline was too much that I felt nothing.

I came out, once again, apologize the person. I felt bad. I know that my previous work could have helped him to win the case, probably not 100% but at least a 60% with all the words that I had put into it. With that retype, I guess chances of winning had got lesser. I continued to do my work. Stress and anger had mixed my emotions at that time that when my senior talked to me, my eyes got watery. I teared.

I had a talk with senior after that. I felt so… so helpless. I have been fighting a solo battle when I’m in the backline. I’m always so lost. I wish to help but damn I just can’t. I know nuts about a lot of things. I wanted to learn but why I’m so slow. I hate it. These factors even questioned me whether to have the ability to carry on with the job, whether I’m fit to be one of them. Senior mentioned that its part and parcel of life and I need to carry on. I agreed and continued my work after that.

I felt, so good after the cry. What people said was really true; “Cry with your hearts out.” I guess I did. It was as if that I’m crying, as well as exercising my lungs. I was crying like a baby, grasping for air as I cried. The feeling was… so relieved, so good. The worries were all thrown behind. This is one of the rare occasions that I would cry like this. The last time I remembered crying like mad, like a kid, as if the whole world had turned on you, was when Te Seng had left the world. When Te Seng left me, or should I put it as left us, the pain was unbearable. The helpless feeling… I cried non-stop for nearly some time.

I guess, it’s time to grow stronger. I will need to tell myself, regardless what obstacles I will go through, I must go on. No tears from now on. That’s what it does to make a person grow stronger, got it?

Learning to be a changed person… Towards work, play, relationships etc. That's life.

Fun and Misses...

2010-06-25T13:22:00.006+08:00

I missed alot of things. I missed the fun hanging out with my cliques. I missed the voices of everyone singing and harmonise as one. I missed the great times of staying over in my school campus.

I finally went to V.E. Bonding Camp on Wednesday night, of course, after watching my last 10 minutes of soccer match on the screens near a pub at United Square straight after I finished my work. Anyway, its been awhile since I had so much fun in a camp. The laughters... The games... The smiles... The frowns...

A bonding camp is where I believed that people get to see your true colours and knowing what type of personality you are. That is where friendships are made and rivalry begins but probably, lets hope everyone keeps the sweet side rather than the bad ones with them throughout the camp.

Exhausted from camp and guess what?!! Night shift for work till this morning. Super shagged~!! Yet, its worthwhile after all. I may be old, yeah... too old especially when the rest are around 16 to 17 years??!!?? However, I can say that the camp made me feel young, at least for the next 12 hours after my shift work on Wednesday night. Thanks V.E. =]

I just love this picture even though I'm not in it.

Well, on the other hand... I just dont know why I would be so agitated during the conversation on the phone. The reply was "Orh", "orh" and "orh...". Maybe I really wanted to take care of you but I guess, its probably gonna be hard with all the constant replies of "orh" and...

I dont know... We've drifted. Tell me if I'm wrong to put it in this way; when you make up a decision, when you say you wish to do this or that, once you make up your mind, could you really just put them aside instantly, so easily?

If you can, well, sad but sorry, I cant. This time round, its my fault so no need to feel any guilt. Actually, I wanted to give you a small surprise when you came back. I knew you will wish to play my itouch and I was hoping you to see the note that I've put up for you but too bad, you didnt see it.

Never mind, it doesn't matter. Its not your fault anyway. Again, my fault, no guilt, no sadness. I'm confused. I felt like I'm drowning now though I'm a life saving expert. Zzzz.... Drown me...

Gambling Woes...

2010-06-22T23:21:00.002+08:00

When there is money, there will be gamble. When there is gamble, there will be bankrupt. And when there is bankrupt, there will be debts!

I dont know how to help when it comes to money issues. I wish to offer more and I know it will not be returned. However, this is the amount that I can really offer, Pal. Previous lessons made me learnt that when you lend something to others, it means that there will be no return.

In my mind, I never really think of how much could I get back from you. Its all about worrying how are you going to solve this problem. I hope you have learnt your lesson.

Wake up! We can only advise but not helping you every time this happens. We just... dont want to see a pal, going towards the wrong route of life. Simply that, Bro.

Fathers Day...

2010-06-22T00:12:00.003+08:00

Dad came home earlier than usual today. The first thing he asked me after he sat on the sofa was "Son, you know what's the occasion yesterday?"

I kept in silence. Even though I know what was the occasion, I just acted as if I knew nothing at all. Soon, he replied it was Fathers Day. I just replied with a "Orh" and that's it.

I knew he felt hurt after hearing my words but probably I do not have the courage to tell him that. I can never tell him, face to face, that how much I care. Why? That's simply because, I dont know what is the true meaning of fatherly love.

I dont recieve the love and care of what other Dads would do to their child. I dont see the understanding he gave compared to other Dads whom did. I only have a Dad, which I was born to call him "Dad" and what he does contribute to the family is.... nothing. I cant think of anything at the moment that could describe his role in the family. Yeah, probably the previous debts he had made the family fall upon to and his relectuant attitude to solve the problem.

Friends say that no matter what, he is still your Dad. However, in my heart, how much I care for him, I guess that would not really change my point of view towards my own Dad. That is why I told myself from young, not to follow his footsteps; not to gamble, not to owe others money, not to smoke, learn to care my love ones more.

Since I've taken up my job, I have thoughts of the aftermath if such ugly incidents would occur within the family again. I have no idea what would be the solution but if one day, if justice has to be done, I am willing to do the unthinkable against the one I care.

Thanks to the World Cup, this is a firm decision I guess I've made. If things are out of control, I will do the justice for the family.

I am evil but for the sake of this family, for the sake of my family's future, I will do what is supposed to do. If that happens one day, "Sorry, Dad..."

Cold....

2010-06-19T23:59:00.002+08:00

Each time the cold air just breeze past, the ache would be unbearable. There is no answer on how the ache would occur but definitely, there could be a solution to cure it; to see a doctor or to rest more.

I’m suffering from a terrible tummy ache since early this morning at 2 plus. Each time I felt cold, my tummy would have that weird feeling within it. Of course, I had to attend for work but once the pain wasn’t that strong, I’ve got immune towards it.

Let’s hope tomorrow would be better after I have plenty of rest. Just like what I’m feeling at present, cold… maybe getting used to it would solve the problem of feeling the pain.

Isnt Easy...

2010-06-19T00:13:00.002+08:00

Its not easy to maintain the present. It was a good conversation last night. Although the mood wasn't a joyful one, at least I recieved the answer to all my present doubts. It was nothing to do about attitudes, characters or time. It was just plainly, the reason behind the lack of communication.

I know myself too well, especially for being too implusive and over sensitive at times. I tend to think alot and once I do, it will be a never ending process. This sucks. Since when will I get to learn not to cultivate the same bad habits.

Overseas internship sounds cool to me. I never tried it before and I wish I could do that one day but sadly, time's up. My study years in Polytechnic is over and it would never be the same again. Sister wish to take up an internship too to Korea but Mum don't allow. I really hope anyone whom gets a chance to travel overseas to study, to take up this opportunity instead.

Benefit for your studies, benefit for your own understanding, what matters most is benefit for the experience. Distance and time would drift bonds apart but technology yet brings us together virtually. However, its a matter of determination and belief that would make things continue, not so smoothly but at least, let it reminds as the same as before.

Shagged... I Just Cant Be Bothered

2010-06-17T21:15:00.004+08:00

Maybe my mind isn't functioning that well recently. I must have been working too hard or too much that I realised that I'm having poor time management. Poor time management on my family, friends, gaming, sports and many other stuff. Sadly, I just wish to spend some time with others whom I care and love but hardly it could be done.

Both ends need to meet in order for things to work out. Lately, my mind would wonder off very easily, especially earlier this morning while attending to some stuff, I nearly dozed off inside the car but I told myself to wake up and try to concentrate on other stuff. The feeling... terrible. It sucks when you really want to sleep yet you cant. Anyway, I break my record of not sleeping for 25 hours or so. A torturous process but more to come in the job of mine.

Time changes everything. Once we get busy, it seemed that we are neglecting our love ones. I wish to do something for the ones I love but it seemed difficult, especially when coming in terms with priorities. Others may be busy when you're free. Then, things changed gradually. SMSes becomes a drag. Talks seemed to get bored. The list goes on and on.

Since I've chosen this path, I guess I shall let things be in this way. I'm learning not to be bothered with these issues. Gosh... Who am I? What am I doing? Who I'm really am to others? A tool? Toy? Bystander? Problem solver? Punching bag? Stress reliever? Maid? Robot? Blah..............................................................................................................................................................

Damn... I think I have reflected too much. Probably shagged I guess. This week sucks.

Heartache...

2010-06-15T20:56:00.002+08:00

Since the start of the day, nothing seemed to go right.

Looking at the message on my phone made my blood boiled a little. It was just a small issue to me but its the repentitive words that made me vex. Why is there a need to think negative at all times when nothing had tried out. Why admit towards defeat due to your own attitude and rather not trying to work on it? I dont understand. Probably just like what Ian said, they just dont understand how we feel.

Then. at noon, Jasmine 妹妹 called and told me of her grandpa's passing earlier in the morning. She was feeling sad but I cant do anything either. Well, I'm heading to the wake after typing this entry. I hope her family is coping well in this terrible situation where no one wants it to happen in their own family. God bless her Grandpa.

When evening comes, I ended spraining my ankle while playing soccer with CO and gang. Although I scored 4 goals, which includes a half pitch header and a thunderous volley, I still end up injuried. My ankles are giving way I guess, especially my left ankle; the one that I had injuried; it seemed that its not gonna be functioning well any longer.

The feeling throughout the day: Terrible. Think positive I guess. Tomorrow there's training with Team Alpha, definitely running on intervals. Hope I could lead everyone well since its my first ever MASS physical training with a group.

Now, to the funeral... =/ The heartache each and every one of us faced today... unbearable and hurtful... You know what I mean...

The Warning

2010-06-13T21:49:00.000+08:00

"Follow up on your reading... Know your stuff well... One day you'll lead the rest... See what happens when others gave a half standard job... Blah blah blah..." and this goes on and on.

It depends on what perspective one looks into the above mentioned quotes. Either in a good way or a bad one, end of the day, they just want you to do your job well.

Every man for himself. True but how much would you hope things would not difficult you? I guess it's time to focus. Yeah, it's tiring to burn your hours on work but this is part and parcel of life.

Nic's gonna have lots of projects to follo up. From absorbing the basic knowledge towards law, to organising events, and now, to create fitness program. Sounds stress but I shall not give up.

Haix... Busy week coming up. Jia you Nic, and the little 傻瓜...

The Sight of Pain, the Sign of Hate

2010-06-09T13:50:00.003+08:00

A mother, knowing that her child is already out of parental control, decides to make the final decision for her kid, to entrust her child’s future to the hands of authority. The authority; the home; was a no return ticket to hopes and dreams. The child’s upbringing; when once decided to be placed into the forbidden island; its either he or she will change for good or for worst.

A simple mistake that could be resolved within the family, yet the mother knows that resolving would not solve the issue due to the severity of the problem. Looking into the fragile lady’s eyes when she said “yes”, I could see that she had think through the matter a lot of times. Yet, the lady’s friend, whom was also a mother, knows the pain of letting your child to enter to a world of no return.

Both mothers broke down. No decision could be made. However, from that moment, it is difficult to understand how painful it could be when seeing your own blood and soul taking the wrong path in their life, being lead astray. I feel the pain for both of them but sadly, I could only enforce what’s right for me to do. I was definitely speechless and helpless but… that could be the only way to help the family to solve the current issue.

Another was a Dad whom hit his child so badly that the child was injured. From my point of view, it was quite serious but to be detailed, it was still alright. When asked about how it happened, it was just a simple argument that resulted to the conflict. No one in the family wish to talk about the matter and it seemed that it was just a common thing happening within the family.

In my mind, I thought of Dad, thought of what would happen to me if he gives me such a whacking. It makes me feel sick when images flown past my mind. It makes me angry when the frustrations could be felt even though the punishment on me was not real. It urged your inner self to establish that symbol of hate towards your family, towards their doings and attitudes. That hate, was so overwhelming that its hard for me to snap back to reality.

Within a day, I see the painful side of a parent, as well as a child. Every family has their own unique issues to settle and even though we hope to help everyone in every household to solve their problem, sometimes, you will feel the helplessness in you. You also feel for the victims of the incident.

The week of hard work taught me a lot of things. Other than dealing with issues, I got to learn some side tracks of mapping out directions and in search of good food around the area. I may be getting fat in the next few months but I hope to maintain my weight. =X

Oh yeah, Nic is sick. Guess he’s having a ulcer at the throat. It’s his first time and its unbearable. What to do but… bear with it until it recovers. Bad weather, bad schedule for the week, bad in taking care of my health… Thus, the solution? Rest… Damn…

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Day 1: Feel very awful until I recieved the email.

Day 2: Feel awful but would smile when reading the new email, thrice.

Day 3: ________________________

Day 4: ________________________

Day5: ________________________

Afterwards: Wish face-to-face communication is the best.... =]

19 Days...

2010-06-06T14:31:00.004+08:00

I felt weird when everything seemed to stop so soon. Its always like that when I'm at overseas. It is as if I wanted to continue to stay at that place but sadly, times up and I had to head back to Singapore. That sort of feeling is unbearable.

I read the whole "essay" you have written and I'm touched. A short journey that I have been through, of being loved and in love.

The fortunate feeling of having someone leaning on your shoulder as she falls asleep, having the feel of reuniting as two hands are held together, the taste of sweetness when having a simple tub of ice cream together, the sparkles of love filled the air when the first kiss is planted and last but not least, the unbearable touch of hug when its time to say goodbye.

After tomorrow, you will be in Korea. Soul searching for you and work for me. It may stopped for now but will it continue? I have no idea. I know I'm not the kind of guy that can give happiness to others. I'm not the kind of guy that has money, time or characteristics of an ideal guy. Yet, I felt that I'm getting close to you every single day.

You may not be the best but you are the one that made me smile even when I slept, laugh when I'm mad and feel good every morning whenever I woke up from my sleep. The uniquness you have created in me.

The 19 days... Wow... I have really nothing to say about it. Well, have a safe trip at Korea. Treat it as a vacation to relax. No matter what, I'm there for you. I'll be in Korea too!! I maybe in Singapore but my soul, that is with the anklet that you're wearing, would be there with you always.

Miss you

Crashing Down

2010-06-06T14:29:00.002+08:00

A desire is established through days, weeks, months, years, and decades of hard work, determination, passion and focus. However, it only takes seconds, minutes or even hours to ruin whatever you have in an instance.

Reflecting for the past few weeks on what I have overall achieved in life, I then realized that it wasn’t that easy to live up a dream of being a protector of lives, bringing justice to wrongdoers, to solve every case to provide answers to others. Since young, that childhood ambition was created through the influence of shows; Jackie Chan, Ultraman and many more; those were the heroic acts that I wish to perform one day.

Fulfilling a dream when it was first marked down by you at an age of 5 wasn’t easy. Many lost their determination, ending up at different paths of what they once wanted to do. I remembered when I was 5, I had another 2 friends from my Kindergarten and we vowed to be a protector of the society one day. Today, I am left alone fighting for justice in this world.

Another factor that probably gave me the inspiration of being what I am for today is the incident that happened to Te Seng. A lasting friendship of nearly 7 years ended in February 2008, when things ended abruptly where no one wants it to happen. So what was the aftermath of everything? Questionings after questionings yet there was no answer to it. What had really happened? Investigations resulted to negative and this saddened us, angered some of us.

To solve all mysteries is part of the game of what I’m doing today. For the next few years, I know this route is neither easy nor difficult. It’s about the effort to learn and the determination to persevere. I may be complained today but what I may have done was the best I could do to solve the problem. Colleagues told me its part and parcel of life but what was I afraid of? Yeah, why afraid when you have done your part?

Last night, I wasn’t in a good mood after all. I thought I could get some comfort once I ended shift, to talk to someone that really cares. I ended up with a text message of “good and bad news”. I felt… weird. There’s no pain or happiness inflicted. Maybe there was a force of denial created within me, or maybe a “不要” signal that is invisible had revolved my mind.

I head home with heavy feelings; the complaint, the problem…; and once I’m home, Dad made this remarkable comment of getting my relatives to stay in our home. I thought of a lot of stuff from there. Mum will go bonkers, arguments around the house, people smoking in our shelter, mahjong sessions every weekends, inaccessibility of private areas… It made me wanted to move house straight.

Talk to Dad in a nice manner and what he did was throwing his temper. I just wanted to tell him off with an “F you Dad” and sayonara to the home I had ever lived. I left home shortly, wandering around the neighbourhood, with no one to talk to, nothing to do. I went to the street soccer court that once Jack and I frequent visited. No soul around. I ended up calling someone, just said what I felt for the whole day.

Everything came crushing down within 24 hours, which started from 4pm onwards. I wanted to run towards a corner to hide, with no worries, problems, fears or anger to face. I couldn’t find that corner. That’s when I went back home at 12 plus in the morning, to take my rest, and continue the agony of facing the pain and problems the next day.

It never ends, aren’t I right?

Dejected Wednesday

2010-06-06T01:59:00.004+08:00

As each minute passed by, happiness and excitement was fading to bleak hopes, making me feel as if my presence had spoilt the fun. I thought I had finally had some time to spend before distance takes place next week yet I was wrong.

Its either the mind was with the electronic gadget, or at the rest whom were busy with their activities. I seemed to be like a wooden pillar, acting strong in its appearance yet brittle in the inside. A slight punch on the wood would not break the wood but it has already softened its living tissues, causing as much hurt as to sawing it.

Before the wooden pillar was made, it was a tree that wishes to give protection to the many people that had passed by. Whether its rain or shine, its broad and thick branches, covered with its greenly leaves, provide shelter to these people. The tree was not even bothered if someone just sleeps at its corner and rather at other spots. Yet, it was the fact that after having that rest, the tree was axed down shortly. It suddenly loses its strong side. It suddenly loses its ability that it could provide for the rest of the beings.

Think trice and I guess I had got it right. It isn’t gonna be easy right from the start. Moreover, nothing was declared right from the start. It was a rash act of romance that might end tragic some day. Cycling along the empty road that night, while looking at the half moonlight, a lot of things came through my mind but one answer seemed to fits it all.

I was not angry on anyone but myself. Feeling angry for my sensitivity, feeling pathetic for my selfishness, that has grown part into me right from the start. It’s always that I failed to get my facts right and the only answer to these questions were simple. It is:

"The reality is two might become one but it does not mean it wouldn't be two once again. That’s because when it’s not yours, it will always never be yours. And yes, it wasn’t after all."

I've to learn... Yes, I have to...

@_@ Tired~!

2010-06-01T21:01:00.002+08:00

I had my night shift yesterday and I finished this morning at about 11am. I had lunch and by the time I reached home, it was nearly 3pm. I finally catch some sleep at 4pm and woke up at 8.30pm.

In a while, I will have my dinner followed by a short relaxation time before heading back to sleep in preparing for work tomorrow. Worst of all things, its a morning shift, which means, no rest for me. Gosh~~!!

What else can I do since I'm busy during event dates, which would go on until next week... I really hope my YOG commitment could be approved before I settle on my schedule for both sides. Its not gonna be easy but well, I hope everything is going smoothly by the end of this month.

Exhausted but still gonna strive on, Nic.

Soccer.... and Outing~!!

2010-05-29T21:10:00.004+08:00

It's been weeks since I had a game of soccer with the rest. Initially we head to Blk 882 soccer court but there wasn't a single soul at there. We changed plan and head to 888 Plaza soccer court instead to have a game with Boon Kiat's team.

The game ended with a scoreline of 6-4, with victory in our hands. Everyone scored a goal except for Eugene, with Kai, John and me scoring a goal each and Jimmy, with a hat-trick. Jimmy was the superstar, who came out just seconds and scored his first goal. He got his second from a tap-in from Kai's cross and lastly, a deflected goal from the goalie after a powerful strike towards goal.

Whereas for me, I got a goal with some luck. Recieving the ball from John's pass, I stopped the ball, make a turn, and planted a strong kick on the ball. The ball glided to the left side of the post which was never been saved by the goalie due to the surprise shot, which was covered by the defender in front of me.

Now, for the bad part. The 4 goals that were conceded by our team were all caused by me. What was I doing with after all? I have no idea but maybe I was distracted by the open space in front of me that I forgot about the person behind me that was left unmarked. Plenty of silly mistakes were made but luckily, Jimmy had it all settled by planting more goals into the opponent's net. He saved the day but from that moment, I guess I need to improve my game play.

Now that was morning! For afternoon, I went to meet Sha Gua who was having an event earlier. Lunchtime menu; sushi and porridge. I didnt know the porridge that was sold in Toa Payoh Hub had increased its price. Gosh... Its expensive but the taste of the porridge has not drop at all. Worth the money for today. =]

We head to the city to shop around before heading home. I was suppposed to be awake but I guess, the long journey made me fall asleep. At least, it was good to catch some rest since tomorrow I'm working early in the morning.

Thanks for the short outing and... yeah... for everything. =]

Tomorrow is my first day of work~!! Ready to chiong! Nic, jia you! Dont disappoint your mentor on your first day. =]

Looking at this picture, dont you think Sha Gua's eyes are so small when she smile? LOL!

The Last Song

2010-05-28T17:25:00.003+08:00

I watched the movie, "The Last Song", last night and it was a good movie to catch. The previous time when I watched the trailer in the cinema, it was some romantic story, probably a nice happy ending. However, after watching it that night, I guess the story plot has its own twist, which maybe, melts the hearts of the audience.

There were so many sobbings around the cinema when the movie end~!!! Okay, I'm not teasing anyone but I was quite touched by the scene too. =]

Earlier when purchasing the tickets, I mentioned the wrong thing. I said "小姐，可以给我机票吗?" instead of saying "戏票". Sad... what was I thinking. The madam was looking at me curiously while Sha Gua laughs... Not enough sleep I guess...

I had BK after movie and later, heading to Nanyang Polytechnic to meet the rest in celebrating Pang Keng and Eugene's birthday. The rest had made Macdonalds a mess but still, we enjoyed the mini gathering alot.

ZZzzzz.... Next up, when July comes, the rest would be celebrating the July babies. Hope I dont recieve weird gifts such as underwear, condoms or any other weird stuff. Tolong tolong~!!

I enjoyed last night. The 10 minutes walk to home makes me feel... so good... =]

JC Joke

2010-05-25T00:02:00.001+08:00

A colleague read this out recently while having our break. Just want to share it in my blog. Its quite interesting. Have a good laugh. =]

Q: How many RJC students does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: 4 whole faculties. One fac to design the new bulb, one fac to test it out, one fac to market it and one guy to write a stupid Email about lightbulbs.

Q: How many HCJC students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: The whole school…..to compete with RJC………

Q: How many VJC students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: The whole school…….one to screw it in and the rest to cheer and wave flags and banners to give him/her support.

Q: How many NJC students does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: NO LIGHT STILL CAN STUDY!!!!!

Q: How many AJC students does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: They’re too busy trying to be one of the top 5 JCs…

Q: How many ACJC students does it take to change lightbulb??
A: None……they use all their money to employ YJC to do it for them.

Q: How many YJC students does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: None…..only one teacher to tell them what a lightbulb is in the first place and to demonstrate (how do you think they’re able to change it for AC?)

Q: How many CJC students does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: They’d prefer it darker………. (hmmm…*raise eyebrow*)……

Q: How many JJC students does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: None……Their physics is so bad that they make the male teacher cry…..

Q: How many TPJC students does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: Would they bother??

Q: How many MJC students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None.They’re too busy studying. trying not to get expelled..

Q: How many SAJC students does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: None…..they believe in praying for it.

Q: How many NYJC students does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: None…..they are still using oil lamps.

Q: How many SRJC students does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: Huh, wat litebarb …

Q: How many IJC students does it take to change a lightbulb??
A: None. They’re more worried about the about-to-drop-fans in the learning studios instead.

Q: How many MI students does it take to change the lightbulb?
A: None. They think they are very bright already….>

Slowly.... and Steady....

2010-05-24T23:05:00.003+08:00

A few things I've learnt during the past two weeks that I never knew it would happened to me but strangely, it did.

It takes simply a few minutes to introduce yourself and make a new friend.
It takes initiative to understand a new friend, such as offering a drink and chat, gatherings or meet ups.
Humans have the power to make the impossible to be possible. Its all about actions, understanding and time. It can be done as short as a few days.
Promise isn't everything. Only make your promise if you know you can achieve it. Creating false hopes to others could hurt them even more if you failed. Hence, dont make any promise.

Everything is paced and steady but using just a few days to determine a person's character is not enough. I guess I need to take it slowly, step but step.

Nic, slow down...

First attempt of drowning

2010-05-16T22:58:00.001+08:00

Friends of mine often share their experiences with me regarding their phobia towards swimming. Yet, nothing could be describable unless you are put through into such scenarios.

I finally got a taste of that feeling yesterday evening while swimming at Yishun Swimming Complex. It was an instant fear that you would not want to put yourself in but a good experience for me.

I was going to push myself for a 25m training which consist of butterfly, backstroke, breaststroke and freestyle. However, before I could complete my butterfly, I felt the cramp on my left calf at the middle of the deep waters.

I tried to calm myself in the water first, putting my left hand on my injured leg while the other towards the brim of water to indicate "help".

My sister was next to me and I signalled her to tow me back. Yet, sadly, language barrier, she don't know what I was trying to show and she was threading water, looking at me blankly.

By then, I was gasping for air and I struggled. With pain inflicted on the calf, it restricts my movement.

Next to me was a child; a friend's cousin; who was with a float. I wanted to grab hold of the float but after hearing her voice, I felt it wasn't safe to hold onto the float. The next moment, she was saying 'obi kwak' loudly... Wow... Wat a luck...

Helpless and in desperation for air, using my both arms as my only tool for my survival, pushing myself up the water and swimming towards the side of the pool. Finally, my coach was next to me, assisting me up from the water once I reached the concrete area.

Overall, it was a bad experience in the water, with no help and mockery added to it. Good experience I guess but I think, I should not push myself too hard the next time if I feel the stress of the muscle.

Yet, this incident would still never stop me from swimming. Who cares??!! Swimming is my blood now, my life. Why stop?

Bruise...

2010-05-12T23:25:00.002+08:00

I didn't realized that there was a bruise on my kneecap until my rowel rubbed against my knee and I felt a slight pain.

Thinking back, it should be my carelessness while playing a game of 'Catching' with some people, resulting to a fall after tagging on him.

Ouch... I never felt the pain for days till earlier. I guess andreline is still in me, since the 'game' is still fresh in my mind, especially the kid who saw us played the game.

His face, his body language... Nothing could be described from here. Full remorse for the kid but sadly, that was part of the rules of the game and I can't do anything about it.

My pain won't be as painful as his. Regretful...

Innocent Party

2010-05-11T22:43:00.000+08:00

Ever wonder what causes a dispute between two parties? Yet, after a course of conflicts, ever reflect on what had happened earlier and any solutions to solve them?

I've been through many conflicts, from friends to family members, but attending one wasn't my responsibility till recently.

Being a spectator in the dispute, you often only see both sides arguing their rightness, their own opinions. Yet, they never knew that how much hurt it could create to the parties whom were innocent but involved.

A family dispute in front of your child is totally unacceptable for me. The trauma the child faced is hard to be erase. Why can't both parties talk it out nicely or perhaps, quarrel within your boundaries and not affecting the close ones around you?

Sometimes, some stuff are hard to explain or solvable. Yet, always think of the innocent parties around you and please spare a thought for them. Are you willing to bear the consequences of the result of each dispute?

Think of the unexpected...

A Day of Badminton & Ping Pong

2010-05-08T21:03:00.002+08:00

I met Ping Ding in Nanyang Polytechnic today to have a game of badminton and ping pong. The rest of Alum~9 could not make it due to various commitments. Supposingly, Mr. Walter was coming but at the thirteen hour, he told Ping Ding that he couldn't meet us. Nice try, Dude. You owe us a meal for next time.

As usual, badminton is one of my strengths. I made Ping Ding ran around the area, serving high aerial shots to her, causing her to miss the targets. Within an hour, she was tired and we changed to ping pong. Now, that's her strength sport and I was like.... don't mentioned it.

My serving sucked... my smacking also sucked... Worst!! Though I sucked throughout, the game went on and on until we realised we had spent 2 hours in ping pong continiously. It was a good game in terms of communication. Both of us were chatting non-stop for the entire session, as well as working on our wrists. At least, I improved at the end of the day. =]

During the chat, I've reflected on several things. One of it is the problems that I'm facing and from there, I've learnt that distance is a factor towards commitment. Inclusive with my negative thoughts, I guess letting nature take its cause would be a good idea for the time being. Also, I found out that I have an history of injuries, from top to toe that I maybe losing my fitness gradually. I've injuries on my ankles, kneecap, shoulders, neck, tailbone.... blah blah... and the list goes on and on. Gosh! I suck!!! Injury prone... Zzzz....

Training... I felt that I'm putting weight since I've stopped training after leaving the Academy. It was weekends soccer, sleep, swimming, sleep, then sleep for the weekdays and back to the routine again. No running, no weight-training etc. I felt my muscles are getting soggy. I need to start having gym sessions every week and I've come out with a perfect plan!!!

- Gym during my sleep off periods, which includes:
>>>> 2.4km run (at least) - 10.0km run (at most)
>>>> Upper body training - (shoulders, chest, back etc.)
>>>> ABS!!! (Damn.... my previous 4 pack has shifted to 1... Zzzzz...)

- Off days to rest; recover from fatigue

- Work like a cow, dog, dragon or horse. Whatever animal you can name of that is hardworking will do.

- Night shift day!! Sleep like a pig.... I need sleep, damn...

Yup! I guess, this would be the perfect plan... Gonna try from next monday onwards.

Jia you, Nic aka. 尼姑拉屎 =.=

Voices...

2010-05-04T00:09:00.003+08:00

All eyes were on me once I stepped into the packed room. As I glanced around, I saw faces, mostly whom I’m unfamiliar with, with their confused facial expressions, whereas some smile back to me.

As usual, there would be a familiar voice, orchestrating the mass, ensuring that everyone is using the right techniques to warm their instruments first before the practice begins. Every note from the piano that was pressed brought back fond memories of the past.

With the tune of “Heal the World” echoes the room, it seemed that the stress that you had gone through the day had suddenly vanished. Aches within the heart, soul and mind seemed to heal gradually. Problems that had been persisting had taken its rest for the next couple of hours. It was as if you are on ecstasy, where nothing is felt; no pain, no sorrows, just simply happiness and fun.

When break took place, you see different cliques around the room, discussing on various topics that never seemed to end. Laughter could be heard frequently as some tend to joke around with the rest, easing the tense atmosphere after a session of hard work.

At the end of the session, you looked at the time and you realise, time past by too fast and you hope that this session would last for longer. It may be too hard to take place but at least you have enjoyed yourself, not just alone but with so many people around you.

It seems that I’ve missed the room, the people, their voices, their lame craps. I missed V.E. and I’m glad that I was back for practice today. With “Heal the World” to be the main piece for learning, in addition to the entire strength of voices, putting the different parts of music of each section into harmony, it makes me feel relax and happy.

That’s when I really found the real me. Within me, these voices would never be replaced. These voices will be the ones that make me continue my passion towards singing. Of course, the place and the voices are the ones that brought me memories.

Nothing can be replaced V.E. as it is the only place, where I found my own freedom, my passion, and lastly, a second home that I could regard as.

Obvious, or wasn't I?

2010-05-02T22:05:00.003+08:00

Am I obvious or am I not? I mentioned a few hints but seemed that the storyplot I mentioned didn't ring a bell at all to the person.

I guess the problem really lies in me after thinking alot throughout the past few days, before and after my trip to Genting and Kuala Lumpur.

Regardless the outcome, I've decided to try, just like what Eugene and the rest had told me. However, things would change once action is taken. I guess I'm ready for the change that gonna revolve around me.

Like it or not, I think I am different. Less innocent, less empathy, less understanding towards person's thinking, or probably, a "Bo Chap" attitude. More changes will be taking place in next few months, especially when work comes first since its gonna start tomorrow.

Good luck to me, as well as the rest of the mates from R17, R18 and R19.

As for now.... I dont know... Nic just need to be loved.

5月1日的心里话

2010-05-01T03:45:00.000+08:00

沉重的感觉，带来着一鼓冲动，让我自己无法解释一切的所作所为。

口里说声放不下，但心里挂着另一翻话。表面装着支持你，脑袋却希望一切都根本不存在。

我到底在干嘛？想说又不想说，却怕说了也没有用。真想学会自我催眠，让真实不见。。。痛。。。终于这种感觉回来了。

勇气，我真的需要你。不然，一切也许会太迟了。或者，早就已经太晚了？难道几天和几年的了解，结局就是这样吗？

POC Lo!!!

2010-04-24T04:42:00.000+08:00

Finally, after almost 8 months of training, we are ready to face the reality.

Everyone had been posted to their respective holdings and life would be quite busy after that.

However, this will be a new beginning of our new journey as being part of the force.

Good luck to my fellow squadmates! As for now, postings can wait, cause POC is here for us to celebrate! =]

Career Nightmare

2010-04-20T04:41:00.000+08:00

It was so real that I could feel the extreme stress of one whom had faced the similar situation as me. It is an incident where no one wants it to happen, especially when one shares the same job scope as mine.

Mentally, you're stressed about your future, your career, your life. The harshness of it's consequences could make one go crazy, knowing that turning back was inevitable.

Even though it was a dream, it was so real that it reminds me that I must be careful I'm every incident I manage.

Phew... What a bad nightmare I had.

A Year Past...

2010-04-18T15:41:00.002+08:00

Time flies. A year has past after you left.

Memories are yet still fresh in my mind.

However, its sometimes too hard to put the past behind.

无论是谁在你身旁，你所得到的快乐，也代表我的快乐。

Moody... but what can I do...

Alot of things are in my mind now...

However, I think I had a better understanding of how some people behaved extraordinary.

Now that I understand... maybe... just maybe... should I be one of them?

**Random remark...

Good... And Bad???

2010-04-16T19:42:00.000+08:00

Good: to be the top few within the squad in terms of overall score.

Bad: chances of getting my 1st choice is higher than I thought, especially since I've score well and after knowing how the management works in their selection.

Whatever happens.. I just need to take it and move on. Feeling vex and worried. A wrong decision I've made?

Haix.. Vex... God shall choose my fate and I shall learn to accept it...

Difficult Decision...

2010-04-14T17:44:00.000+08:00

I've made a decision for my future! That sounds impactful but it creates more worries in my mind.

When perspective of your job scope clashes with your desire for further studies, a decision must be made within the two.

In the end, I chose studies as my next target for the gradual years, compared to the exciting and thrill lifestyle I wish to obtain from my work.

Regrets... I always have that weird vexful feeling that makes me go nuts at times. However, since I've made a decision, I must learn to stick with it and learn to like it.

No point regreting as what's done is done. There's still some hope, sort of, as the final decision goes to the management team.

Regardless the verdict, just work hard in the future and aim for your goals.

Nic, jia you...

Thanks for Sharing, Old Man

2010-04-11T19:30:00.000+08:00

After going through long hours during my night shift, I finally could go home to take my rest. Once I board the train from Novena, this old man came seat next to me and asked "Are you a Singaporean?"

I was puzzled but replied. He begin to talk to me about his past after having acknowledged my job scope. He mentioned he initially wanted to alight at Ang Mo Kio but would love to talk to me and accompany me to Woodlands. Shocked by his words but neither could I stop him for his actions.

He told me about his previous experience of being under the same job scoper as mine, explaining the few incidents that makes the job a memorable one for him. I tried to pay attention though I was feeling exhausted. Once in awhile, he would murmur his speech but I kept in silence to show my respect towards him throughout the conversation.

I arrived at my station and alighted, so did he.The old man asked me to join him for lunch but I refused. I really need that rest as my Sister was going to have a BBQ with her friends that night, sort of a belated birthday celebration.

Thanking him with full sincerity, we parted from the station with our respective routes. I appreciated him for his sharing though he's a complete stranger to me.

I guess, I'm getting the hang of talking to people from all walks of life, or probably, I have to get use to doing that as it's part of my job skill too.

Regardless how people sterotype these approachable people, or considered insane people for some, I think I'm having the hang of my job during the short week of my attachment.

三月二十八日 - 一年又过去了

2010-03-28T23:53:00.000+08:00

这天的到来，让我有念念不忘的回忆，不停的绕在我脑海里。

记得在去年的这天晚上，我喝她怎在新加坡室内场观看＂林俊杰 2009 演唱会＂。那对入门票也是我位她而买的票，当做是份情人节礼。也知道这是她第一次去看那么荣宗的演唱会，所以不该不看。

在这年的这天，她，虽然已经不在我身边，但我还会念着她，尤其是那一年前她给的最后一只吻，难以忘记。

也别忘了这天是林俊杰的生日。今年又能见到他在新加坡真是难得。一年真的过的很快。我也许开始学会如何去料好自己内心的伤，学习长大。她，希望是我永远的回忆吧。

CSS Charity Soccer Tournament 2010

2010-03-21T12:07:00.000+08:00

It’s the annual CSS Charity Soccer Tournament at The Cage; Kallang. Not only to catch up with some of our teachers but also to meet the rest of our ex-schoolmates, in and off the pitch.

This year, our team had made a few changes due to unforeseen circumstances. As usual, Eugene, Jack and I were the regulars of the team, whereas Jimmy could not make it due to his NS commitments. With the inclusion of Yang and Johnson (Eugene’s friend), as well as each calling their pals respectively to play for the team; Yang’s brother and Johnson’s friend; the team numbers managed to complete for this time round.

What’s the statistics of the entire tournament for us? With 7 games to play, we ended up getting 5 draws and 2 wins. Our morale was high in the beginning but during the midst of having consecutive 5 draws, playing in the pitch for just 5 minutes doesn’t seemed to be enough. Each time we draw, everyone would give the same quote out from their mouths, “Huh... Draw again...” The score line was in this matter for the total 7 matches. 2-2, 0-0, 0-0, 2-2, 1-1, 0-0, 2-0, 3-1.

Luckily, after doing plenty of calculations, we went through to the Finals, against Sion’s team. We managed to enter the Finals by a one goal difference from another team, after having the same number of points, goals scored but not goals conceded.

Regards to Sion’s team, we managed to draw with them by the score of 2-2 during the qualification match but of course, we could not handle them in the Finals, resulting to a 5-1 defeat. However, it is still a good match for all of us especially it is our first Runners Up medal, compared to our 2nd Runners Up award for the continuous past 3 years.

Well, let’s hope next year we could aim high to attain a place at the top spot. Yet, it is still a good experience to get 2nd after all. We have improved. Anyway, thanks to the rest who had contributed in the team, for the goals (Jack.... Hmmm.... Taiko goals but thanks =P ), defending and saving of balls.

Sorry Sorry....

2010-03-13T19:00:00.000+08:00

Mistakes are tend to be made when you are in training stage. When I realised that I had done a mistake, it was abit too late. However, I was still proud of myself, for apologising to everyone, the team, as well as the main-in-charge. At least, I have the guts to say "sorry" when knowing that it was solely my fault, causing other troubles to the team.

Frankly speaking, what Alvin mentioned to everyone was true; "What's done is being done." Of course, serving the consequences will come shortly but most of all, there's other obstacles that I need to deal with first this coming week; exams and TP.

Failed my 1st ever TP but thanks to some for the encouragement that made me feel more determined about the next test. I shall work harder then.

Meanwhile.... lately, she just keep popping into my mind... What am I thinking??? I dont know. Just treat it that I'm nuts... Zzzz...

我想要说。。。

2010-03-07T19:20:00.002+08:00

那晚，我只想跟她说声“一路顺风”，但心里还是有那害怕的感觉，不知为何没有那个勇气去说。

终于，我说出口了，却自己的心，有总默默不设的思念。我还想她，放不下她？也许吧，但不重要了。

在东京，要玩得开心点喔！记得照顾身体。。。

过去的，不能再回头。只能默默的祝福，祈祷，希望她健康，快乐，永远。。。

这，就是我唯一能做的。。。给你。

Breaking Personal Best!

2010-02-28T19:20:00.000+08:00

It’s not easy to do it but sometimes, motivation counts! I had my swimming lesson recently in camp and I decided to try out the lifeguard test, which consist of the basic 4 strokes; breaststroke, freestyle, back-kick and side-kick.

I had been practicing on these strokes for quite some time though not in regular basis. Throughout my previous timings, I only managed to hit 9 plus minutes as my best timing. However, after going through the test, of course with lots of pushing (motivation, I guess) from the instructors, I managed to complete the challenge in 8:49 minutes! Amazing!

Not forgetting that I was totally exhausted at the end of the swim test but also, I knew that I had pushed myself very hard for this as my mind kept telling me to give up at times during the midst of the course.

Sadly, the instructor was feeling a bit disappointed to know that I was not from the NS squad, or else he could have me as a swim instructor for the camp. I find it wasted after knowing this but think again, sometimes in life, opportunities do knock onto your door but does not mean you could totally have it.

I’m glad that I knew a few instructors from the pool side and I enjoyed learning about the new ways to improve my strokes for my various swims but also, find it such a waste not to be part of the swim staff in the camp. Regardless what happens, self consoling is the best way to heal my mind and soul for now. In the next 5 years time, I may be a swimming instructor, who knows?

Being recognized by these people for my strength is a plus point for me yet overall, a wasted opportunity I guess. However, with my current status, I must understand that I’ve chosen this path to pursue my dreams and most of all, I’m turning my dream into a reality.

Yet, best of all things, breaking your personal best shows that you are improving, and indeed, I did it!

Hi, friend...

2010-02-21T19:30:00.002+08:00

If the person could see or hear this....

Seng,

Yo, how's life? Its been nearly 2 years since we last met and seriously, time has past very quickly but once in awhile, images of you still flash through my mind. I dont know what to say but... yeah, recalling the past makes me feel that we have gone through thick and thin during the old times together.

Countless battles, from studies to physical endurance... we did it all. However, things changed. I'm leading a better life even though I'm single and carefree. The path we have chosen would never be the same again.

I wish I could visit you on the 17th of February but... too bad, I'm in camp. Definitely, I will visit you soon when I have the time. Of course, not to forget, to get the rest of the mates too once in a while. They wanted to do so but time's the factor.

We are in fact, in 2 different worlds but do pray for the rest alright? Miss you alot, especially during our small gatherings...

God blessed and always be remembered...

Missed as always,
Nic

'Love' - My Philosophy

2010-02-16T19:29:00.001+08:00

Well, it’s the Lunar New Year once again and this year, it comes with a double festive as its taking place with Valentine’s Day. Cool isn’t it?

Of course, with not Valentine willing to date me on that day, it is still great to meet up with my relatives for a gathering. Not just about the updates from each other but also the food and ang paos that many of us are getting.

Anyway, my cousin asked me this question; where’s my valentine? Where’s her? All I could reply was… well, it’s over. I didn’t know that my young cousin still remembers her as my beloved but that was the past. All things have changed for the past many months.

Well, to cheer myself up, I managed to do 2 things yesterday! It’s watching a movie “Valentine’s
Day” with Chip and to cycle around the vicinity at Woodlands before making my way home after the show. I have not been cycling for ages and I just can’t wait to get my own bicycle, rather than borrowing it from my Uncle all the time.

Well, I don’t know why but from the past days of celebrating Lunar New Year with many activities, I found out that ‘love’ is something that could be describe. The reality towards ‘love’ could be harsh but if we try to look at the positive sides of it, will relationships between one and another, regardless couples or singles, be better?

I have no idea but I still believe in my own current philosophy towards it; To love someone does not mean that you need to be attached to that person. It’s more about ensuring someone to have blissful life, cause in your own capability, you have no idea how much you could give her. It’s better not to create more trouble and suffering to her or him if you know, some things won’t work at all.

Its all broken English but I have learnt, via the hard way I guess. Now that’s my perception towards ‘love’ at the moment.

My 1st Driving Practical Lesson Experience

2010-02-07T19:08:00.000+08:00

A pretty fun yet frustrating experience in my first driving practical lesson which took place on Tuesday, it gives me mixed feelings about my driving skills and whether I could still able to make it by the end of the entire training period.

It was fun trying out the vehicle, especially you are driving for the very first time and you are doing everything alone, except you are being guided at times. Learning the half clutch was difficult but soon enough I was able to adapt to the depressing of the respective pedals.

On the other hand, after a short break and back to the lesson, I was in a total mess when performing what I’ve learnt. I forgot what was the right amount to depress the foot brake and the accurate timings of a half clutch. I received a one hell of a nagging from the instructor that was guiding me throughout. Probably I was tired since I had a long day or maybe, I’m feeling stress as it’s my first try. I have no idea what was affecting me.

I felt demoralized, pathetic of my driving skills. Asking my other mates about their driving experience, the replies were either good or alright. When mentioned about the scolding or naggings? None seemed to receive any. I text Chip after the entire lesson to ask is it normal to be told off by your instructor while driving and she replied “yes”.

I was much relieved after seeing her reply but on the other hand, worried about my performance in my next drive. That night, I was dreaming about driving and my half clutch till the next morning. Shocking but true, some of my mates were having nightmares, which occurred to be related to their driving.

Next lesson is tomorrow. Let’s hope everything would be fine. No more nightmares of driving please and I need to be more confident on my driving.

Don’t give up, Nicholas.

Yi Tian's 21st Birthday

2010-01-10T19:19:00.005+08:00

A memorable party at Yi Tian's house to celebrate her 21st birthday. She was organizing this celebration with her cousin, who's birthday also falls in the same month as hers.

Photo Montage
The rest of the Alum~9 did enjoy themselves! Other than the delicious food, the most memorable thing during the party is the photo montage collection that was pasted on her living room walls. The pictures that contains the faces of the Alum~9, the past and present. Many changes could be seen in all of us. Wow! Now I have the urge to go back to the past and enjoy the fun times we had during our Polytechnic years.

Me and Yi Tian's Younger Bro
Of course! Birthdays are tend to be fun and I have some fun with the kids over there. Yi Tian's cousin; the birthday boy; should be having a birthday bash; end up giving me a good bashing. With the aid from Yi Tian's younger brother, these kids were whacking me like no one's business, pancaking me. What a bashing I've. LOL!

Yi Tian and Me
Not to forget about mentioning this! I realised something while looking through Yi Tian's childhood pictures. She love to pose at every photo that she takes! Haha! That's a good way to remember one's youth days, especially every moment that is snapped is a good moment! I should learn from her, isn't it?

All of Us
Well, happy birthday Yi Tian. Hope your wishes do come true and study well for your University! 21 years old is not the end of your youth but the beginning of the new you! Wish you will smile always and be more pretty than ever. You're pretty anyway so... must be more pretty as you grow each year alright!!

加油了！美女！生日快乐！ =]

Year 2010 - My Resolutions

2010-01-10T18:46:00.002+08:00

A brand new year equals to new targets! The last time I've made my new year resolutions, it was 2 years ago. Then, what happened last year? Simply to answer the query, is that I thought I had the most important thing with me and that's all it matters. Too bad, I was wrong so, its time to do something to my life in year 2010!

Plenty of stuff to achieve, plenty of aims to attain! Changes are to be done in my life as each day passes!!

*** *** Clothes! More Clothes!
It seemed that I'm becoming more like a woman, crazy about clothes. Few weeks ago while packing my wardrobe, I realised that I'm having too many sports attires. Whereas for casual outing clothes, it is always the same few ones that I frequent wore. Its time for a change by getting new casual clothes, preferably attractive ones, such as PINK or YELLOW or BLUE! Adding colours and selection into my wardrobe!

*** *** Lateness! No More!
What a problem that has been occuring day after day. Bad habits cant be solved instantly but daily. I'm not a teenager anymore so learning to be punctual will help me in many ways. Say no to lateness for WORK!!! GATHERINGS!!! MEETINGS!!! OUTINGS!!! DATES??!! Wait... dates??!! Yeah, if possible... =]

*** *** No Injury Crisis, PLEASE!!
Plagued with injuries since the start of December after taking part in the Standard Chartered Marathon 2009 by spraining my left ankle, I've suffered the same setback twice. I'm gonna recover no matter what so that I could commence my duties in the camp, as well as performing my sport routines, especially my soccer with Jimmy and his friends. Let's pray hard for year 2010!

*** *** Mr. Bookworm!
Books!! That's the word that has extinct in my life for the past 5 years. The last time I read a story book was during my Secondary school years, which was being forced by my terror yet caring teacher, Ms Lee. I guess, reading is the best way to improve my English standards, regardless in speech or writing. Time to brush up my English.

*** Grow Up! Young Man!
As each year pass, so does a person's age and character builds up. I wish I could be more focus with my decisions towards life. I'm working on it but its hard to change instantly. Other than that, emotional-wise, to be strong at all times. Not to be sensitive and learn not to imagine outcomes instantly. I've to learn that some stuff should let itself to take place by nature.

Guess these are the major ones that I could think of. Too much would not be a good idea, right? Empty promises at the end of the day! I'm gear up for the new year, for the new beginning. Be motivated, Nicholas!! =]

Xiu Xiu Going to Switzerland~

2010-01-09T17:25:00.002+08:00

1st January 2010! The first task of a new day in the new year is.... to gather with the rest of the Alum~9 to send Xiu Hui off, whom is heading to Switzerland to further her studies.

Paul, Me, KH, Xiu Xiu, Pauline, Joyce, PD, YT, CY

Plenty of pictures taken to make that day a memorable one. Not just pictures but effort comes in play too! Credits to Cai Yun and Yi Tian, the 2 gals were busy decorating the scrapbook that was prepared for Xiu Hui as a gift, which contains the many moments that we shared together for the past 3 years and counting. =]

The Departure Hall...

I am not sure when Xiu Hui's coming back, probably 6 months or a year? Anyway, I wish her luck for her studies and hope she's doing fine at Switzerland. The rest of the Alum~9 are missing you every day! Thus, remember to tell us once you are back! Meanwhile, we can still contact via MSN, regardless if its typing or webcam. =]

Once last hug.... =]

A coffee cum talk-cocking session soon took place at T.C.C. after we sent Xiu Xiu off. Anyway, I had this iced cafe latte, known as Luscious Bonding. Its new in the menu so I just ordered it. If you prefer a sweet taste in your coffee, then this is one of the coffee that you could try. Not just the taste is good, the outlook of its design would make you feel appetized. Here's a picture of it that I snapped.

Luscious Bonding

MMMmmmmhh.... Now I've the crave for coffee again. Next time, T.C.C.; the place for sweet coffee then.

Welcome To The Year 2010!

2010-01-01T22:54:00.000+08:00

Where were you at during the last few hours before you say goodbye to year 2009 and welcome 2010?

I was somewhere in a artificial grassy patch with my Secondary buddies; guys and gals; at Douby Ghout, drinking and having some simple games while killing time for the time to past. Almost all drank alcohol while some, alright, 2 of the whole lot, had mineral water and milk respectively.

Yeap! The one who's drinking milk and giving a toast to each and every one in the group is me. I dont feel like drinking alcohol that night, especially when I'm feeling exhausted after returning from my camp that early afternoon. 'Chip' was laughing at me via SMS for drinking milk instead of alcohol. Yes!! Its weird!! But HL Milk taste nice isn't it?! =]

Anyway, to be honest to everyone and especially to myself, I was not feeling that good that night. If we were still together, that fateful night, once past 0001 hours, would be our 2nd anniversary. However, what's past is past and the present would never changed.

I maybe acting as I was cheerful and crazy at times but during quieter times, I'm not like that. I maybe 'drunk' after 2 sips of acoholic drinks that night but my mind was quite refresh. Maybe, acting crazy is one way to forget the pain within my chest, I guess. Eugene's girlfriend told me to forget her and I could find someone that is suitable for me. I shall try, thanks 'Da Sao'! =X

Year 2009 isnt a good year for me I guess. I've been facing all sorts of problems that has affected my life. Losing my relationship with the gal I loved earlier the year, followed by the news and operation of my Dad whom suffered from heart problems, to my decision to join the Force. All these changes have changed my life instantly within the few months.

Regardless I'm fighting the battle alone or together with the support and help from friends and family members, I appreciate for the consequences of all these problems as it makes me learn to grow stronger each day. At the age of 21 years, it seemed that I'm no longer the teenage guy that I used to be. With additional responsibilities being shouldered, its time for me to grow up in year 2010.

Year 2010; a brand new decade that shows the change of me. Its time for me to change for the better, or maybe badder if possible. Every story has an end, but in life every end is just a new beginning of an story. Now its my turn to begin my life story for 2010, are you ready?

Goal Tally 2009 Closing

2010-01-01T00:00:00.001+08:00

Due to the lack of plays being organized, this year's goal tally will not be tabulated. Therefore, there will be no rankings for all players that are stated in this entry. All rankings are classified based on the initials of each player's name via ascending order.

1st - Adam - 0 goal

2nd - Adnan - 0 goal

3rd - Andy - 0 goal

4th - Eugene - 0 goal

5th - Jack Long - 0 goal

6th - Jimmy - 0 goal

7th - Sheng Yang - 0 goal

8th - Szaywan - 0 goal

9th - Wei Teck - 0 goal

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Winner of 2009: Nil (--- goals)
Runner-up: Nil (--- goals)
2nd Runner-up: Nil (--- goals)

Depressed

2009-12-31T20:24:00.000+08:00

Depressed... Thats the feeling I'm having currently as time is running short. We are heading to year 2010 and yet, I've this weird feeling all along, the entire day.

Depressed... because of my injuried ankle, which seemed to be recovering soon, had got a setback. A lay-up during a basketball game at my camp resulted to a wrong landing of my food, causing the ligament of my left ankle to crack twice and that's it. Light duty again. It really sucks.

Depressed... for not having enough rest these few days during camp but that's because I'm a light sleeper and those nights were difficult to cope, especially when you can hear the insects roaming around the coy.

Depressed... soon, it will be 1st January 2010 and that was the anniversary that we had between Auntie Emily and me. That was the past but in my heart and soul, I cant put down the past. Its easily said but its hard to convince myself to do so.

Overall from all these depress, I guess forgetting her is an impossible task. What is she thinking now? I questioned myself... especially when the fireworks are released to the air and would memories of us at the roof of Cheron House during last year, did that come to her mind?

I dont know the answer but thats wild guesses of mine. Right now, I only will know that her angel is with her, all the time, which I guess, will never be replaced. Another way to put it, I'm easily to be replaced.

Sad... Life goes on... I will listen to Eng How's words... "Move on... What's the f***ing point of thinking of her when... she dont even give a damn about you."

Yeah... Better ones can be found but if I cant put her down, I cant let other gals suffer what I'm going through. Worst come to worst, I might be having phobia towards relationships? Wa Kao...

Happy New Year folks... Night

JJ Lin's New Album : 100 Days

2009-12-28T16:54:00.000+08:00

JJ Lin has released his new album! 100 Days! I've bought it once I stepped out of camp and straight away, purchase it from CD Rama.

The songs are quite cool and there are different genres that he had tried during his days of recovering his vocal.

I guess, if you wish to listen the music, you can try listening it via my blog, especially since I've linked the music to the site. Enjoy.

SCM 2009 - Run of my Life!

2009-12-27T23:09:00.002+08:00

The first time I took up the challenge, it was a distance of 10km that took place 2 years ago.

For the second attempt into the marathon, a distance of 42km which I have no idea what kind of torture would I face throughout the race.

Standard Chartered Marathon 2009 (on 6th December 2009) was the challenge of the year for me. With no trainings or mental preparation, I decided to sign up the highest obstacle that was offered to a contestant; the 42km full marathon.

The furthest I've tried running was 25km. What problems would I faced? I dont train much and the most I've ran for the past months is the 2.4km IPPT. Hence, on that day, I found out how tough it was.

Running at the 4km mark, I sprained my left ankle badly but I persevered. I continued to push myself until the 28km mark, which my ankle had gave way. Cramps are forcing me to give up but I pushed on. Plenty of bananas and energy bars are avaliable but I decide to complete the race without these substances consumed. Using my own ability and determination to complete the race was the aim of this marathon to me. I ended up walking all the way back to the finishing line, completing the race with a total timing of 5 hours 18 minutes. Cool!

I end up spending another $46 on the chinese physican straight after the race to fix back the damaged ligament that I'm suffering. Overall, an expensive race but the satisfaction level is high! I've conquered 42km and what could be next? Ironman marathon; a distance of approximately 70km? Maybe...

At the end of the day, these are the stats that I got from the marathon website. Credits to them.

Name: NICHOLAS TEO WEI TECK
Event: Full Marathon
Bib/Div: 32993 / M2024
Time: 5h:40m:8s (gun) / 5h:18m:54s (net)

10km (01:21:32) 21km (02:39:53) 30km (03:41:39) 32.5km (04:00:34) 42km (05:40:08)

Result in Entire Field: 5571st place (8687 finishers behind. About 39% of finishers ahead)

Result in Gender (Men): 4849th place (7238 finishers behind. About 40% of finishers ahead)

** Ranking : 4850
** Singapore Ranking: 3688

A picture of me running... with a bandaged ankle.. =.=" Sad...

V.E. Les Voix Concert 2009

2009-12-06T18:59:00.002+08:00

Singing. I guess it is something that can create wonderful things in our lives. It is not just a simple hobbie or passion but it has the power to bring people together, to create new bondings as well as establishing existing bonds.

It has been some time since I stepped onto the stage and joined the rest to sing the various pieces that we had learnt before. On Friday, my role was to become one of the audience, to watch the performances put up by my buddies, my mates, my seniors. Its a different experience compared to singing.

Throughout the concert, I could say that everyone did well. I was not sure of the majority pieces but at least, I was singing softly at my seat while some of the songs were sang by the rest. 'Every Breathe You Take', 'Angel', 'Fields of Gold' and one or two pieces. Cool!!

I missed singing. Why? I only get to sing in camp, either during the morning (National Athem) or else, the toilet (always get to sing 情非得已 with Brandon while bathing). =X

After concert, I was shaking hands with many people, congrating them for giving a splendid performance. There was a celebration later that night for Winnie as it was her birthday, sort of a muffin party. I missed muffins too. =X

Night movie was next as Alum 9 and Winnie watched "New Moon". Overall, it was a drag. 2 hours plus of movie but little action was punched into the show. Everyone was waiting for Edward. I wonder why...

I wish... How I wish... I could be back to V.E. again, to sing with them on the stage, regardless of the event that would take place. I missed a place where friendships were made. I missed a place where I could call the people over there, my sisters and brothers. =]

CSC Great Olympic Race

2009-11-29T10:35:00.003+08:00

Initially, with 2 men down from our team, I thought we wont be participating in the race. Elton only informed me about this matter at around 8.50am. =.=" Wow... That's early... when we are supposed to gather at 9am.

Alright... Nothing to runt about but at the end of the day, with the participation of 2 facilitators; Jason and Yvonne; as well as Mei Ling's inclusion to our team, I guess everyone did have a good time assisting each other throughout the various obstacles in the race.

The most fun part?? I guess its still the soccer game, which we got our 1st win to the other teams though we lost like 4 to 5 games to them?? Haha....

Especially the basketball game, which we lost to them like crazy. If only I possessed Auntie Emily's skills, I guess I could score more while playing the game. =X

Not forgetting, the game of "100 seconds with no NG"!! Our team complete the task within 2 takes, in 30 seconds. Cool!

Throughout the event, we were walking rather than running. Yet, we did have a good time with all the cold jokes and chit chats. At least, we are team 18th among the 27 groups. Good job guys!!

By the way, wondering what's our team name? No Idea. Yeah... 'No Idea' was a instant spur of moment that we thought of this name. We have really no idea what's our team name actually.

Pictures to share.... =]

Am I fortunate?? =X

One of the ladies from the station

So many participants for GOR! Its a successful race I guess! =]

Soccer Week (Mon & Fri)

2009-11-27T10:33:00.000+08:00

Playing in an unfamiliar position on Monday did not make me match up to my expected potential through the play between R18 and R19's match on Monday.

Started with the left midfield, playing for the opposition due to their lack in numbers, I tried to create some passes and manage to hit one shot on target but yet saved by the goalie of R18; Marcos. Quite frustrating but it was fun anyway. Unforunately, my play ends 10 minutes later and I was back to the substitute bench.

The 2nd opportunity came with this time round, playing for R18; the right midfield. Only minutes of introduction ends my chance to play at my preferred position and to perform. I only managed to get contact with the ball once and that's it. Sad to say, I'm was warming up the bench throughout the 1st half of the game.

2nd half came and I played the last 20 minutes of the match in a left back position. I tried my best to defend but yet, we conceded again and again. I had a string of good passes but failed to execute a good finish. Even at the dying minutes, I missed the chance for a header, probably also due to the high leg from the opponent that I feared myself from suffering from a concussion just like John Terry. Scary...

End of the match, with us leading 4 -1 yet losing 6 - 7. What a great comeback from R19. We tried but complacency and team effort were the 2 things lacking in the team. I got a few comments from my mates that I've performed much better compared to street soccer but I brush off the comments that I was just trying my best. Am I good? Nah... Not really...

Let's hope the next game we play would be a better score line, especially to our team's favour.

------------------------------------------------------------

Today's soccer was a short one. Just an hour of play and I need to head home to attend some serious matters regarding to my future. Anyway, I was not performing that well as I was still exhausted from morning's incident.

I had IPPT the day before and my body is aching. In search for more rest, I end up waking up at 5.30am during this holiday as my Mum placed her phone (with her alarm on) at my room table, which kept ringing till I had to wake up and switch it off. By then, I'm awake. =.="

I scored a goal today. Not a good execution but a painful experience I guess. One of the worst goals I ever scored. John crossed the ball to me which all I had to do was to tap the ball in. Yet, the placement of the ball was too high, which hit my groin area. I dont need to explain more from here but yeah, the ball went in. GOAL!!

I was feeling the pain by then. Ouch... How did I score such a crazy goal using a crazy technique. Guess... its a good experience I could regard as the best moments during my play of all soccer matches; The painful goal I ever scored.

More things to do tomorrow, with an adventure race and a visit to Sitex fair I guess. I'm hoping to have a night run again. Strange... Maybe I like to run? Or there's something for me to prove to myself...

Cheers... Night...

My Sporty Weekend...

2009-11-23T17:00:00.004+08:00

I attended the Dover Hospice Walk yesterday, which was an event that is complusory for some of the squads. Although it was a short walk, approximately 3.5km, I guess its still a healthy gesture to indicate to all that walking is also a good way to stay healthy, sort of.

I had helped out in the FINA Swimming World Cup 2009 at Singapore Sports School a day before and I had a long day while helping. Most of the athletes performed well and some had achieved records for the tournament. Congrats to all whom had participated the event, helping in any way.

After the World Cup 2 days ago, I had a run to Sembawang about 10 plus at night. Its nice to share your trouble sometimes with others. I had been feeling down recently but after the chat, I have a better understanding of what I'm suppose to do in the remaining months in camp. Thanks... =]

Followed by a Sunday morning swim at Xiu Hui's house!! I missed swimming!!! By then, I was shagged but still had to attend the Hospice walk.

So today, it was a soccer match between R18 and R19 and R19 won. The scoreline was 6 - 7 and we lost by a goal. They had a great fight back and we had been over confident. I nearly scored from 30 metres from goal when playing for the opposition team, since they lack in numbers.

With not much opportunity to perform, not much chance to play in my preferred position, I guess I had done what I could for the game. Left midfield, followed by my favourtie right midfield which last for minutes and the remaining left back for the 2nd half.

Wow... Must I always be in the left?? I wondered, especially with a right footed mind.

Book in time... Sian...

To Her... Happy Birthday... (8 Nov)

2009-11-23T16:11:00.003+08:00

A year ago, I was there to celebrate this joyous occasion of yours.

Today, I guess there are more special people around you whom would be celebrating for you.

What kinds of birthday gifts should I give you? I have no idea.

I guess... Everything has been given. Up till today, where our lives seemed to be no longer has any involvement between each other, I guess... there's nothing special today...

Happy birthday... I wish you stay healthy, eat more, sleep more, study harder, score better grades, smile always, and stay strong as ever.

My gift to you, the memories that we had shared together for the 473 past days.

Hike & Cycle (7th Nov)

2009-11-23T15:21:00.000+08:00

I always wanted to post this!!

Its my first time visiting Henderson Waves. Although its in the morning, where there's no lights to beautify the place of interest, yet there is fresh air and a good bird's eye view from the top.

Not forgetting, with Cai Yun's Mama joining our group for the entire hike and cycle, I wish she did had a good experience from the outing. Probably, the next time round if possible, everyone bring their parents out for a fun-filled outing experience that got to do with nature?!!

Anyway, I had a goooooooooooooooooooooooooooood meal that day! Let me guess... What have I eaten...

- Chicken Wings
- Korean Food
- Carrot Cake
- Prawn Noodles
- Curry Puff
- Chicken Rice
- Dumpling Noodles

WOW!! Okay... I'm hungry. I miss local food, which taste better than camp food by many times.

Some pictures of the day.... =]

Time...

2009-11-15T19:17:00.002+08:00

I need more time!! Yes! More time to rest and relax... More time to blog... More time to mingle with all my friends....

They say National Service is simply just serving it but now I've tasks to complete at home. Aside with the boots polishing but also, the many stuff, aka. homework, that need to be submitted each week.

I'm pretty lazy... Gosh... Many things to blog since there's plenty of things happening for the past 3 weeks.

Well, I MUST blog this coming week I guess.

Still, thanks Mr. Lee for the memories in Canberra Band. Like a fatherly figure to the rest of the band members, you are always there for us whenever we need help or advice. Thanks for the care for the past 7 to 8 years even though I've graduated from Canberra Secondary for 4 years. Not forgetting that, you are one of my main inspirators towards music, which lead to where I am today; a guy who's enjoying with music and singing, as well as once learning to compose songs. Thank you. =]

Alright, I finally swam today morning and it feels good to be soaked in the water. Yet, my timings for my freestyle has deproved. More practices are needed. Lets try the next coming week then. =]

Time to be back to camp soon. Next week then...

"First Experience" Saturday

2009-10-25T13:48:00.004+08:00

24th October 2009; a day that I will still remember. Maybe not for the date itself but for the events that took place.

First of all, my first 25km run in the North Face 100 Endurance Race. Partnering with Ming Fei, I guess it was another source of motivation, rather than doing all this alone. At the end of the day, I've completed the race, with soreness and cramps killing my both legs for today. Not forgetting the bird shit that struck on my head during the race. AAHH!!!! =.="

Thanks for the call-up from Ming Fei to join the race, though its last minute, I still enjoyed it, especially when I know that this race is a gauge for me to determine how I fare for the up-coming 42km Marathon in December.

Next! My first experience of my Uncle's skills in his driving! My Uncle got his driving license recently so using my coach's car, he drove us to the Singapore Science Centre for a buffet at Sakura. However, half way through, he had to change his driving seat with my coach as he lost his way. Good driving skills but bad indication of the directions. Poor Uncle, you've tried. =]

Lastly, of course! I went CLUBBING! Its my first time going to club so everything was still new to me. All I could say was I had a fun experience, especially when it comes to seeing the different things that could happened in the dance floor. Er... Not to say too much of the contents... but Double O was the place I went.

In overall, clubbing hurts me. Not for the money but for my ears. I could not take the loud music, as well as drinking too much liquor. (I only drink a few sips that night.) Well, I would reconsider to go to another club for a party the next time but frequent visits, I dont think so.

Thanks for the clubbing visit guys; Jonathan, Jimmy, James, Jia Long and Kian Wee. It was cool! Last but not least, happy belated birthday to Jia Long. 21 years old already, so be a man alright!! =]

North Face 100... Before the Race...

2009-10-24T07:16:00.001+08:00

Less than 2 hours and still, the clock is ticking. I'm helping my friend to run for North Face 100; 50km team category; and of course, I'm taking my first ever 25km run later today.

How's things gonna work out? I'm not sure but hope I can still do well.

Adios! Good luck, Team Blue Mushroom... I dont choose the team's name by the way.

=X

The Wee Hours of Saturday Morning...

2009-10-17T03:57:00.005+08:00

Time check: 3.57am, and I'm still awake. I'm feeling sleepy but the laptop makes me feel more energetic than ever, probably I've missed it so much since I'm away for the past days that I'm hoping to use it once again.

Well, what am I doing at this hour? Simply watching videos and playing my 'Pro Evolution Soccer 2009' game, as usual. Before that, I was cycling around Sembawang, and Woodlands area.

Initially, I was having dinner with Jimmy, Jia Long, Kian Wee, Ivy, Gavin, Chris and Yun Ting. It was Jimmy's first book out dinner so at least, I should show some appreciation by turning up. Feeling bored, I had the desire to cycle since I've not been touching the bicycle for quite some time.

And there I go, cycling from home to Sembawang to meet them for a meal. I went back to cycling around the Sembawang neighbourhood, partly I dont feel like going back home early, also, to take a look what has changed over the past month. Little changes but of course, with improvements with the infrastructure, thats all.

I would rather want to spend some time to be alone, to enjoy the night's peace and quiet atmosphere, which hardly could I get these for quite some time. I need time to reflect, forget and stay positive. I'm learning but sometimes, your mind forbids you to do so.

I'm still smiling. However, she isn't and maybe, I know the real answer. Its should be the day that makes her world crushed down. It was that moment, which had past for 2 years. This time round, I'm not there for her but at least, as a friend, I just said my advice and left via MSN.

What else can I do? Really... It makes me wonder... Well, with her new pair of wings that has brought her a new understanding towards love, I hope her new guardian angel could make her happy, at least for yesterday, later today and tomorrow. She needs some support I guess.

Wee hours of Saturday morning... I'm blogging... Bored... I wish to get someone to join me to cycle or jog even though my bones seemed to be taking its toil or my muscles are pleading for a rest. I'm having soccer in a few hours time. ZZzzz... Maybe I just want to train and stay focus at the moment? Plus, I dont want others to spend time on me to join me to do tiring stuff. More plans for later today so rest is required for all of them.

Well, time to rest I guess. Let me put it in this way before I head to bed.

"Stay positive everyday and you can manage all problems that lies ahead."
"Every morning, I looked at the mirror and brush my teeth,"
"Sloppy face, stink teeth, dark eyebags... etc..."
"Yet, if I learn to smile, at least I look better, more cheerful and more positive"
"Hence, try this if possible, smile..."

Sharks... I just remembered I've plenty to do tomorrow morning. Another family member down with an injury and I hope its not a serious one. Bless God-grandma...

And lastly, to Eugene's Granny... rest in peace. = /

The Truth...

2009-10-11T01:43:00.003+08:00

The truth was there and now I got to understand what some mentioned that pictures dont lie. I saw it. She's now in the arms of another guardian angel that I guess, its best she belonged to.

The picture of her holding his hand tells it all that what I've guessed is probably right. Yes, my fault for losing her but maybe, it should be my mistake for letting her join the photography club in the first place. I guess that was partly the reason where we distanced. I respected too much of her decision? Maybe... My bad for being a good boy who listens to her all the time.

Well, it could just be fate that I brought them together but of course, others' efforts had made them to be closer. After seeing the picture, my heart sank deep down but whats the use at the end of the day? I wondered if she really have a tiny-winy bit of feeling for me... Its alright, I'm used to be alone I guess.

As what Cai Yun once told me, time will heal the wounds but also, make the feelings mild. Its getting quite mild though I still miss her and love her still. I guess, that guy is a lucky chap, who wins the heart of the princess that I once adore, who captures the heart of the gal that I wish to be with for eternity.

Lucky chap, treat her well. Thats all I asked from you. Whereas for her, I hope you found your true love. Just remember me as a friend, for the happy moments we've been through before, and not treating me as an enemy.

I hope their love story goes on, happily ever after.

As for me.... Life goes on... but happy or not... I guess the next chapter of my lifestory gonna be me who creates the plot.

Now... Sort of a self-consoling entry but at least, I felt better... Time for my sleep...

1st IPPT

2009-10-10T00:16:00.000+08:00

I've done pretty well for my first IPPT, with the following results:

Sit-Up } 43 (5 pt)

Pull-Up } 12 (5 pt)

Standing Board Jump } 230 (3 pt)

Shuttle Run } 9.7 sec (5 pt)

2.4km Run } 10.12 min (5* pt)

Overall } Silver

As shown in the results, standing board jump is a huge upset! The previous night, I could score at least 4 points but on the actual day, 3 points. ZZZzzz...

2.4km Run was a better result which its my first time hitting 10.12 minutes for the past 8 years of my life. Since the introduction of 2.4km run, I never hit less than 11 minutes. Finally!! However, to get a gold, at least 4 points and above for all stations, ending with the 2.4km run of a timing less than 9.44 minutes.

Eeeekk! More training to be done. Aiming for a gold for the next IPPT.

Good Luck

2009-10-04T19:12:00.001+08:00

Na... Nothing much but just want to motivate myself for this entry!

IPPT should be this coming week but how do I fare? I'm not sure.

Anyway, good luck to me. Its gonna be my first attempt so I gonna aim for 'SILVER'!!

"Namo Amituofo"!!!

Bless me yea??!!

=]

Thats All I Can Do... =]

2009-10-02T20:10:00.003+08:00

All I can do now is smile, and said that she's happy. =]

I heard from Yes 93.3FM one night during my lights out at camp, where this guy send a SMS to the Deejay, which goes like this. "无论你牵着谁的手，我只想对你说，我爱你."

Well, thats all I could do now... Smile... To see the gal I loved the most, to have a happier life with others, compared to the previous relationship that we have. If I could say one last sentence to her, I wish she would hear that phrase. Once again, Nic still loves you but will move on. =]

Every time I see a couple, I would just give a smile for the sweetness of their relationship. I dont know why but maybe, I just dont want couples to face the same situation as I once did; to quarrel over stupid incidents and break off. Well, past is past but I'm happy for the present at the moment.

My current wish for a couple would be my bunk mate's relationship. Though rocky but I hope he would cherish the relationship he has with his gal. Its always a good feeling to see your gal make such a sacrifice to wait for you outside your academy camp, accompanying you back home. Haha... As for me, I gonna send myself home. Too bad.. =P

Right now, I just want to be a good police officer after all. Not to get hold of all the baddies but seriously, I have plenty of things to do in life. The eldest of all gonna live up the standards to protect the family at all cost and this is time for my duty now.

Family problems... Its never ending but to be honest, they need me... more than I need somebody.

我会学习去。。。
爱护我的爸，
疼爱我的妈，
和护着妹妹。
因为在这最混乱的时刻，
也许只有我，
才能把一切回复原型
挽回我的家庭。

The time is now... Grow up, wake up and never give up! Nicholas Teo Wei Teck =]

3 Weeks of Training

2009-09-27T19:03:00.002+08:00

The title tells it all! 3 weeks of training in Home Team Academy (HTA) and I guess I'm getting better, in terms of fitness! Yes! Although I admit that what I've been through is a total hell, especially since my body just could not take the intensity.

Well, I had soccer yesterday and guess what! Though with sore shins and calfs, I still manage to play the match for a few rounds. That really is a miracle as I often get K-O by the 2nd round of the game. Get to score 3 goals is good enough.

First of all, a dribble and cut to the left before placing a right foot shot that make the ball to hit the top right corner.

2nd goal was a great assist from Roy that I volleyed with a thunderous shot to the top corner of the post, without the ball having any contact to the ground.

Lastly, a quick reflex from me to get the ball and slotted it between the legs of the goalie.

I wonder what is more to be done this coming week. Many are afraid of the training but guess, I'm too excited. Hehe...

Anyway, I had swimming earlier today and my skin is burning right now. Sunburnt!!! ZZzzz....

*** Belief of the week: I will count the passing of each week's training rather than the number of weeks left before POP... Cause as each week passes, it means I'm developing to become a better man.

The Dream... That Certains Something

2009-09-20T08:17:00.003+08:00

I had barely 2 hours of sleep and I'm awake. I've been having weird dreams lately. For this week, since I returned back to my camp, she kept appearing in my dreams.

The scene would always repeat. In there, she would be doing her own stuff and when I came towards to her, her cold shoulder that nudged me. This goes on and on until I heard the morning alarm rang at 5am every morning. The dream was so real that imagine, while you are sleeping / dreaming, reliving the moment of her showing her 'cold temperament', you could vividly feel the sharp pain around my chest, as if your heart was a badly battled ship, which sunk very steadily down into the ocean deep.

Not long ago, I manage to force myself awake to snap back to reality. In there, I was hurriedly searching for her, probably an event or something. The main purpose of finding her was to explain things, hoping that she would put bygones as past and both of us shall start afresh. However, every time I found her, she would slip through my fingers and left, with a gloomy facial expression that hurts my heart once more.

I tried to return and find her, continued to chase her but she was quick. Moreover, those people helping out in the function… some really looked like her and I spotted a few that told me they were not ‘her’. I feel so terrible. The words of “everything that you do have resulted to this break-up…” kept echoing my mind.

I only managed to hold her hand once, with force, causing great discomfort to her ‘hands’. She struggled and pushed me and quickly walked off. I tried to pull her over but she was able to resist my strength. It was as if I had used my overall strength to prevent her from running away but I can’t. She will always be able to resist them.

I have no idea could I go back to sleep now. I just hope this dream would stop. Yeah, its all in my mind and I created these dreams but being part of the ‘show’ makes me feel even worst.

All I could say is, no matter how much distractions I’ve made, from work commitments to social life, I just can’t stop myself from thinking of her. She had left a big scar within my heart of love that nothing seemed to be able to replace her. I told myself, dreams will always be dreams. I may still love her. I may still care about her. I may still wish we could start anew. Things would not change in a better way, especially when her life now is so comfortable without me, as I presumed this fact once again.

I may wish to put things aside and be in love with someone else, which I yearned for the past months since she left, yet I can’t do it. It was always her words that caused great difficulties for me to move on.

“Everything that you do have resulted to this break-up…” These words just can’t stop echoing my mind, though friends said that it was a way to make me hate and forget about her. However, she might not really know that these words caused great regrets to my life at the moment.

I tried to like someone but to be honest, without clearing my conscience and never achieve the changes that I supposed to follow to become a better man, I never would dare to express my feelings to anyone.

Simply as that, all I want to say is… I have no right to inflict any hurt to anyone. I have done it to the woman that I really loved once. Now that she’s gone… I just can’t put myself back into pieces. Maybe she's content with her life now, maybe with someone that cares for her, more than me. I can be jealous now but... there's nothing I could do too. What a helpless idot am I...

Some stuff are just very clear from dreams. What is it? That is… I still love her, very much.

Enlistment to SPF

2009-09-08T01:01:00.000+08:00

Everything is just so fast. Within a few months after my graduation, I’m taking up the next step towards my timeline; National Service. I always wondered how terrible it could be, from the tough trainings and to lifestyle of being a soldier. It sometimes brings chills to many NS guys, which I have no idea why. Is it that terrible?

Well, like it or not, I’m enlisted to the Singapore Police Force. Instead of the 2 years as a National Service programme, I’m taking up 5 years. Like Xing Xuan messaged me, ‘I have signed my life to SPF.’ Sounds cool but erm.. its quite weird to say that. It seemed like I’m stuck in a cell or something.

Feelings? I’m eager to enter the Force and hope I could achieve many things from there. Not just being matured but also to be involved with the many investigations and soon if possible, to be in the CID department. However, these are dreams and I will need to work hard to achieve them. There are still many things that I could not put it behind but I’m just restricting myself from doing it, to keep it away from others and prevent them from getting hurt.

At the moment, I’ve just finished packing. Tomorrow’s gonna be the enlisting day and I’m gonna be bald. Not totally but still, losing quite a lot of hair. I’ll work hard since this is my dream. A childhood dream that was once shared by 3 young boys during Kindergarden, two of them did not made it I guess, but I gonna live the dream, not for them but for myself.

Go for it, Nicholas Teo Wei Teck.

** I will update with more pictures and stuff about the many things that occured before my enlistment. Hehe... Thats all for now. Adios.

The View That Touched Me... (Updated on 23th August)

2009-09-08T00:41:00.000+08:00

The moment that made me felt touch and I was nearly soaked in tears, was not about seeing Dad to be lying in the bed, having fighting for an heart operation that could be risky at any certain point of time. It was not also that he was safe from any dangers from the operation.

It was actually the view of seeing Mum placing Dad’s mouth with the piece of blowing equipment to train his breathing. Such a simple task and I could tear… I don’t know why but for the past 8 years I guess, this is the first time since then that Mum showed her concern to Dad.

I hope time could return back, that I could treat her better than before. However, I can’t. Nevertheless, all I could say about the view I saw from the point of time is that… actually, Mum still love Dad no matter what happens to him. He maybe the family’s bastard, an irresponsible father and husband, yet he is fortunate to have such a wonderful and noble wife.

Mum maybe talking about money all day long but still, she fails to divorce with Dad for 2 things that I know; for us, the kids and lastly, she still cares for Dad. A blissful image that as a kid of theirs for 21 years, I’m touched.

Old Man's Heart Attack (Updated on 6th August)

2009-09-08T00:30:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, life could be crucial till your close ones could be taken away. I don’t know why this would happen but call it fate or just pure bad luck; I just know that this day would come, sooner or later. Yes, I’m feeling troubled lately but I told myself that I should not act like a kid, who needs to be sympathized by others. I know that it is time to do something not just for myself all the time but this time round, for the family.

It all started with a wonderful birthday celebration of Mum’s birthday, which falls on 22nd July. Well, Mum, still, happy birthday. =] What’s special about that day was the ellipse that falls once in a few thousand or hundred years. Cool isn’t it? The fun, joy and laughter… It was memorable until the next day, when I was still in my sleep when my Sister told me about the old man’s heading to the hospital. I could hear her words but when I heard that, my heart pounded very hard. I could not sleep for the next 2 hours and I woke up.

Heading to the hospital was a dread. I expected that this day will sooner or later occur but could not believe that it could be the day after Mum’s birthday. How Mum felt? I wondered. I reached the hospital, mentioned to the old man with a few words and left for work. From my facial appearance, I’m feeling stress-free yet in my heart, it was with mixed feelings. I hate that damn old man for what he had done to the family. I hate him sitting in the couch, watching the stupid television and do nothing to be a good father for his family, for his children. Burden was what he brings but I still cared, which I guess, it was like a responsibility for me to take care of others.

I made many enquiries from closed friends and those whom had their family members whom I know that had suffered from this issue. I thank many for their generous information, regardless if it is just only about the hospital name or how much the operation cost. I thank you for the help. Especially James, I really appreciate his blessings and prayers to the old man, same goes to Tse Yong. I didn’t know that the company I work for could be so supportive and caring towards the old man and his family.

The operation was conducted within 2 weeks and from what I’ve known, he had 3 arteries being clotted. With the bypass surgery, he was out of danger. The first time when I visited him in the ICA department, I don’t feel like crying. Not even a sob or a tear. However, I was feeling afraid. Afraid of what would happen to the old man’s daughter, who was caught in the middle of all problems during the parent’s quarrel. To soften up the pain, I assured her that I will bear the full responsibility of everything that happens in the family.

Now, he’s recovering and I hope the old man learns his lesson. From this, I learn that growing up does not mean by taking a small step, day by day. It is more of being forced. You are forced to grow up due to certain circumstances and that’s the life challenges that one has to go through as we age.

Once again, thanks for concerns by many but seriously, it’s alright if you are not sure of the matter as I kept everything low profile for the past month and a half. I don’t want people to treat me as if I need to take care of the old man and I could not join them in any activities. I wanted to be treated as normal and not something special due to certain incidents that happened. For those whom had ranted about my enquires and asking for weird questions, I hope you would forgive me for that. However, thanks for the one answer that you’ve given to me. Although it’s not useful to me, I thank you for the communication, for telling me which hospital that your Dad did the treatment.

Thanks and blessed to those whom had help. I achieved nothing but I just want to do something, not for myself but for the family. Love? I think I have no idea what an ideal love is until, I can really love my family.

Love Angel (Updated on 21st July)

2009-09-08T00:15:00.000+08:00

While making my way to the nearest ATM machine, I accidentally past by this couple, whom seemed to be quarreling over certain issue. I have no idea what was the issue about but the quarrel still continues after I withdraw my cash.

One thing that reminds me at the moment was the many incidents that took placed in my life that leads to my recent failures in relationship. Quarreling does make a couple to understand each other better but it does make both parties to end the relationship. There’s always no rights or wrongs after all.

Well, for once, if I could be the Angel of Love, I really hope to remove the conflict among the couple at that point of them. However, I have no ability to help them. Seeing people falling in love is wonderful. It makes me envy of others, especially lasting relationships. However, when talk about mine, I feel like I’m a nobody; A guy who’s dumb with relationship, who do not know how to care or understand other people’s feelings. Selfish? Ignorant? Blah blah blah…

Well, it’s time for me to grow up and guess what, the next big leap is coming.

Pretty Woman (Updated on 18th July)

2009-09-07T23:55:00.000+08:00

There’s always this saying, “这世界没有丑女人, 只有懒惰的女人”. Simply in English, it means that there’s no woman that is considered as ugly, expect being lazy, to groom oneself up. I may not be a woman but this Chinese phrase has echoed in my mind for quite some time, especially to the few incidents that revolted me.

Don’t mind me for stating this but seriously, whenever a woman tries to groom, from their hair, to their dressing, it does change their entire appearance and perception towards others. One example would be Auntie Emily’s rebond (straightened) hair. Though she did that a few months ago, I really want to express this in my post entry that she had looked more beautiful with that hairstyle. It shows a matured side of her, displaying a woman’s elegance and beauty. To me, she’s one of the prettiest and cutest gals I have ever known but with that hairstyle, she looks even better. Too bad, the past is past, no point grunting about how nice or bad it was.

Back to the topic, the real person whom I really wish to imply for this entry is actually… Yi Tian!! Yes! I have no idea but really looked very different! She had rebonded her hair… and… I do like her hairstyle more. Probably it’s her entrance to University that changes her image but to be honest, this new look really suits her. Not just her hair, but also her dressing from plain t-shirts to something more than that has shined her ferminity. Once in a while, teasing her by calling her “美女”, hope is not a disturbance to her but giving her praise her for efforts in these small makeovers.

That’s right from the bottom of my heart. No offence to all but… woman… They are sometimes the most wonderful and noble creatures that sometimes, even man like me, will need to follow and learn from. =]

21'st Birthday Celebration (Updated - 13th july)

2009-09-07T23:37:00.000+08:00

Time does flies and today, I’m 21 years old. When mentioning the age, people would always put the word, “finally” to describe you, for two things; 1) you are getting older by a year and 2) you are taking your first major step towards adulthood. Well, I guess this call for a celebration since it marks a new chapter of my life.

Initially, many friends and relatives were asking me regarding my plans for the celebration, whether will it be a massive party or a hotel / chalet feast or something. These ideas did come across my mind before but after seeing through some of the problems that might occur during the ‘so-call’ party, I decided to scrap the idea off. Therefore, with much consideration, I preferred to meet my good old buddies and friends in small groups, separate timings to celebrate this wonderful occasion with them, yet it’s more like a bonding / gathering session rather than birthday celebration.

The celebration begins on the eve of my birthday, as I invited some of my secondary school buddies for a seafood buffet lunch at Vienna; Novena. I really appreciate the group; Jack, Eugene, Jonathan, Jia Long, Jimmy and Kian Wee; for turning up for the celebration cum feast and the ‘hongbao’ that you guys had prepared for me, even though I declared every year that I don’t need any gifts for my birthday. Thanks a lot and I do hope you guys did enjoy the feast though the food was quite average. As for those whom were not invited, my bad for that. I had budget constraints so I had to limit the numbers.

Not to forget, this birthday celebration is not only for me but to Jimmy too. I understand you had your 21st birthday a few days earlier than mine and some of us could not make it to celebrate it with you. To be honest, this feast is actually planned not just to celebrate my birthday but also yours. I hope you did enjoy it and happy belated birthday to you, Dude.

The next group I went to meet up with was the V.E. Alum~9!! Alright, it turned out only 2 could make it out of the 8 of them. However, I am still grateful for the wishes that the rest had blessed me with. As for the 2 ladies; Cai Yun and Ping Ding; thank you for offering your time to accompany me. I know that work and other commitments had flooded your schedules but by making time for me, I’m really touched.

It was a simple dinner at Waruku Pasta and a movie (that is what I’m been hoping to do during my birthday) of “Ice Age 3” at the new Illuma that has filled our night with fun. Before we head off for home, a light desert at the nearby Bugis Street was good enough to keep these memories vividly in my mind. Once again, thank you for accompanying me and I do hope you gals did enjoy the meal, movie and outing.

At the actual day of my birthday, I was lazy to go out during the noon till 3 plus, when I need to book the tickets for the movie “Transformers 2” at Ang Mo Kio Hub, which I’ve planned to watch it with my childhood buddy; Yong Hong. It was a thrilling movie but as I had drank too much water and some miscalculation of the time; both of us were urgently looking for the restroom once the movie ends. After that, dinner at a nearby coffee shop with another childhood buddy; Mah Chin Wah; ends my celebration for the day. Simple and sweet! Anyway, brothers, thank you for celebrating my birthday. I don’t need an expensive treat but I’m happy with the coffee shop food, especially the 铁板豆腐. Haha…

However, at the end of the day, my only regret was not to watch a movie with the special person that I long to see. From the start till then end, all I wanted from that person was to catch a simple movie but was rejected, over and over again. Well, at least, I got to watch 2 movies in 2 days. Wow… How much money had I spend on movies…

For the many people whom had texted me their blessings, I really thank all of you and appreciated the efforts in remembering my birthday.

Happy Birthday

2009-07-12T12:17:00.002+08:00

Finally, I'm 21 today. Anything special for this day??!! Nah... At least, I gonna catch a movie with my buddy for Transformers 2.

Movies... Thats all I've been asking for for months... At least, now I have a movie a watch... I think its fulfilling enough.

What am I talking? ZZz.... Will blog again soon. Lazy...

Happy birthday to me. =]

AYG Diving... I Jumped from 10 Metres High!!

2009-07-04T18:26:00.000+08:00

What can I say but Singapore has done it once again, not for creating more H1N1 cases in the nation, of course, but the commencing of the Asian Youth Games successfully. Still in the midst of all games, I can’t really tell anyone how many medals would our country won at the end of the day. However, what I want to convey to everyone is that many of us had play a part in this event and applause for all for the efforts to make this event successful.

As for me, I was helping out as a volunteer instead of a SSA staff in the Diving event, which falls on 30th June and 1st July 2009. Initially, I was not alright with the idea of helping out due to a few disapprovals from various parties in my life. Yet, after playing a role in the event, I felt that everything is still worthwhile after all.

My assigned position was to assist in the event’s scoring system. Sounds ‘chim’ (hard to understand) but simply, ensuring that the scoring system works perfectly fine via Bluetooth. Using the Omega timing system, we will convert its timing system to a scoring board, so judges could key in their respective scores once seeing the dives. Easy but the setup was complicated. Every single day, there will be a new problem to solve, a new answer for our question. We would receive morning scares at 8am and start to panic like mad but eventually, the problems are solved. Phew~!

Other than enjoying my assigned task with my new friends; Joellyn and Freddy; I get to meet other new people in the competition. From the gal who’s assisting in the broadcast area, to the commentators and pool deck officers, it’s a totally a new beginning for all to gather and enjoy ourselves, as well as working hard for the entire event. I still remember this gal from the Broadcast room, whose name is Grace. Hmm… Quite pretty gal but too bad she’s already been attached. Worst was, I did not manage to get her email address but at least, a friendship is once made. Probably next time we shall meet again. =]

At the end of the all diving events, everyone wants to take a dip in the diving pool. Actually, I went for a dive few days ago with some of the volunteers. First is the 3 metre springboard and soon, the 10metre platform. Though I had conquered the 10 metre platform for 3 times (overall), the fear of heights is still within me. When you climbed up to the 10 metre, you have the courage to do this and that. When you reach the peak, you take a glimpse of the water from your view and you get chickened out. Your heart will pounce madly and you get to see your body shiver. Not from the cold but the fear. Not only yourself, you get to see the rest shiver. Haha…

Taking deep courage, you jumped down and you scream. You thought it is like a simple jump into the water but it’s a bit longer. You have nothing to grab hold of even though you are afraid. In the end, you saw the water reaching to your legs and “GASH!!!” You are in the water now and parts of your body are hurting, especially your butt, since landing from such a high level. However, you felt excited and wish to conquer it again. The fun factor was there but so does the fear. Hence, yes, I did it 3 times throughout the diving event.

I had fun, a lot of fun. Taking pictures with the athletes is a way to remember the hard work we had done. Taking dives from different platforms and springboard heights makes you feel the thrill, as well as fun, since only divers are allowed to use the pool and not the public. We are indeed the exclusive ones. Last but not least, the injuries everyone suffered at the end of the day, from back pains (mine was from a 1 metre springboard. Imagine if its from the 10 metres platform… Faints~) to butt pains, every part is hurting. At least these hurts tells us that we did once put our courage and dare to do the impossible that we once thought of.

Like what a volunteer told me, the jump from 10 metres is like getting your freedom that you wish to pursue. As what he mentioned, ‘a simple life’, the dive has created inspirations for many. My inspirations? To be a good police officer, catch all the baddies and make sure that no one around me would receive hurt again. Nothing is impossible if you dare to dream.

The Passing of Michael Jackson - The Icon of Rock Music

2009-07-02T23:39:00.001+08:00

The passing of one of the greatest icons in the world had brought shock to many, including me. On that fateful morning, when the news of Michael’s passing had spread all over the world, I was clueless about this news. The only thing I remembered was seeing his name in the MSN Today segment, which I assumed that it was to commemorate for his last concert or something else.

Never did I expect such a thing happened but there it is, he had left the world, with his best music and performance that many would never forget. With an icon like him, falling next to Elvis Presley, I wonder who would be the next icon for rock music. I felt that Justin Timberlake could be the next best compared to many singers, especially with his talents in songwriting and singing. He really knows how to build up the groove in his music, allowing people to dance to the beat while listening.

As a tribute to the passing of Michael Jackson, the music in my blog will be some previous songs that I previously listened when I was young. I’m not a fan of his but I do like his songs. Here we go, thank you for your music, Micheal, and rest in peace.

The music, “You Rock My World” is one of the songs that I’m in love with. Hope everyone would enjoy the music. Michael, you did rock my world with your songs. Thanks. =]

Jumping Down

2009-07-01T00:17:00.002+08:00

I wish I could jump down again.

From the fear, to the bravery...

From normal footing, to zero gravity...

From curiousity, to the deep impact of pain in the body...

I'm willing to do that again...

Probably the next time, a few somersaults to build up the thrill before it ends...

An experience with death... I'm wish to have a try one more time.

Skies of Disguise

2009-06-30T23:16:00.004+08:00

How much I do REALLY care, concern and love, the same fact still remains. Never there will be a chance I could see her face to face and resolve the conflicts in between us. Think again, what was the conflicts that had happened earlier 3 months back? No idea but there is no problems in my memory.

The basics of a relationship, what are they? You care, you concern, you wish to spend your every single moment with the person you love. Whenever you do something, the person's image, words and smile would be on your mind, and you hope to spend your daily happiness with that someone, to show how much you cherish. I've tried but never will I get to see the problem that has resulted to today's series of events.

She left, and I'm willing to let her be alone. However, her many lies and disguise makes me feel sick every single moment when she appeared in my mind. Sick, not because of her every actions, from her idioms of 'Dont' or her busy schedules that makes one unable to accept. It was the sick critisim that she labelled on one, making it as if he was the biggest mistake of her life.

Saying you need time to cool down, I agreed. You avoided me and mentioned that friends would be the best address that we could have for each other, I accepted. Being friends, which turn out to be another misleading meaning from your own dictionary that involves hiding away from me, as well as doing weird yet 'creative' actions such as hanging up my calls, never respond an SMS or try blocking me from MSN. Friends... I wonder what was in your mind at your time.

At the start of 2009, things had totally changed. No one is at fault, especially when I was busy with school and so did you. Your love for photography created my jealously for the lack of time being spent with you. I tried to put in effort but end up, everything was a negative response. I do agree spending time with friends is one of the best things in life. However, being together was like I was always alone. Not because you are busy but you choose to be with your friends instead with me. Once in fortnight was the day I might meet you. 'Might', which creates a possibililty of a total rejection, which could last for a month to two.

You lied, again and again, to me, seemingly that hope between us was dimishing. The hope was not destroyed mainly because of my sickening aggressive attitude of anger but partly, your own decision to pick your friends and stop seeing me. Strangers and friends have the same opinion that you are drifting, which is a one way route chosen by you. It seemed that after the past months, I probably could guess an answer, maybe not accurate but never will you want to tell me your own side of feelings.

Men gets jealous, so am I. A guy, you should say, thats me, who understands the meaning of lonely all the time and being loved was not found in my personality at all after the honeymoon period of our relationship. In your blog, you mentioned alot of your friends and guess what, they are always the same guys that you mentioned. No fear of your anger anymore but Rene, Alex and Ryan are always the focal points. Its always Rene, Alex, Ryan, Rene, again, Alex next... blah blah blah. Even as a boyfriend for once, it makes me sick. My heart sank too deep, as if still stuck in the ocean where Titanic still stucks in.

I was too good to you, I guess. I was too innocent and not wise to think of the present, yet continuing to have thoughts of the future between us. Efforts are wasted at the end of the day, all thanks to your 'no' replies and 'yes' to the guys you've known. True enough, you thank the guys for their doings that they had sacrifice to you and a moody, grumpy face towards me when I've tried.

Demands of yours, dreams that I wish to fulfill for you... I was just like a balloon in your hand. Desire makes you pump more air into me, to make sure that I float and one day, to make you happy and rise you up to the sky to see a sight of heaven. Tired of the same balloon, you decidede to choose a variety of balloons, in search for more fun. Yet, once you had enough of the same balloon, you just let it go, seeing it fly away slowly, with no regrets or remorse for what the balloon has given to you. If you are angry with the balloon for not giving you what you wish to have, you would wait till the moment and start to use markers, draw on it with funny faces, abusive expressions and crappy words.

Life as a balloon, that was once I had faced. As a balloon, how would I really be able to forget the owner that I once wish to be with for play time, or should I put it as, serving my owner? To me, life without you is similar to what I had been through over the past many months though we were still together.

Its good that people are taking care of you. You have the looks and body, the charm and talent. What's most important is that smile that melts all guys heart and your cute looking face, with your naive yet kiddish character that makes every guy wishing for a girl like you to take care of. You have plenty to choose, from Renesis to Alex or maybe some other guys you met from any part of Singapore? I dont really get bothered.

I was naive too, for being in my world for 20 years. Thanks to you, I've open myself up to the society, and learning to do things with my own point of view. The wild side of me have been evolved gradually and seriously, I'm beginning to enjoy the fun of meeting new people, from guys, to girls, to older women. Not boasting around but I would rather prefer an older woman due to their maturity than kiddo sometimes, especially those kiddos that are hard to please and dont speak the truth, with their feelings and thoughts.

Your skies of disguise is rather annoying. It cause me to believe the past of you, which the many stuff you encounter. Are they the truth or just a hoax to get people's care? I admit that I'm jealous but if making cookies could make your day, I guess it was the sight of other men makes you smile instead. Simply because, if it was me whom I tried to spent time with, you feel that I'm boring and useless.

Boring... Absolutely right... However, I just cant believe in your words anymore. If I'm doing anything to you from now on, you wont be able to stop me. I dont stalk but I just do things as the last piece of trash that I wish to ditch off from my life.

Love? I would prefer an open relationship with BOTH sides get to understand each other's thoughts, as well as having both families approval. Hiding has always been the problem I encounter but I had enough of hiding, waiting and guessing.

** Hiding - to avoid the fact of being together from friends and family
** Waiting - to wait for the right time to release the truth? Yeah.. after 1 year plus, the 2nd year is very difficult to move on, cause its always you making the decision
** Guessing - what do I know from you when you dont say a damn word about what happened. With me being the last person to know what happened, what was I to you? An ant? Maybe worst than that.

Yeah... these 3 words really makes sense. Your pathetic skies of disguise makes me feel like slapping you at your cheek sometimes. I'm totally disgusted.

父亲节

2009-06-22T00:42:00.002+08:00

今天是一个很特别的日子，那就是父亲节！对大多数的人来说，这个节日让大家感谢自己的父亲所做的一切。但是这一天，我感觉不到快乐。不是没时间陪伴爸爸庆祝这节日，只是脑海里有很多事情，让我的心放不下。

我虽然很想陪伴着无名这整天，但我根本做不到。我担心，我害怕，我婆婆妈妈地，不知为何想听到无名的声音却怕刺激无名的心。我想问候无名的心情但害怕又被无名教训。今天的我，实在不像我自己。

我希望，无名今天是过着这一天，快快乐乐的。不管是亲人，爱人，或朋友，能带给无名着欢笑，我就真的心满意足了。而我呢？只能靠感觉去猜无名的想法。每次无名标出自己坚强的容貌，我只能陪着无名一整天，不说多过二十句话。但今天，这些都对彼此不重要了。因为忙嘛。。。

我只希望，你不去想太多，而继续的献出你那优美的微笑。那实其他人都喜欢，也是我个人，期待已久的笑容，能再次在我面前出现。我。。。希望那一天的到来。。。

父亲节快乐，

无名