It's chemistry that we met.
It's destiny that we know one another's existence.
It's fate that brings us together. 
It's chance that allows us to work out on everlasting obstacles of each other's life from now on.

With all said, this special date brings 2 person out of loneliness in this world, all because of "L.O.V.E".

 世界少了两个寂寞的人,因为爱.

Together with Eugene and Jimmy, we finally made a trip down to Bright Hill Temple (Guang Ming Shan) to pay our respects to a dear friend; Te Seng. Its been quite a long time since we went back to the temple to pay our respects to him.

I always wanted to go to the temple to pay a visit alone but didnt have the time to do so. It was a few days ago, after a movie with Jimmy and Yun Ting, when Jimmy reminded me about Te Seng that I decided to organize a trip this time round. The last time we went over to the temple, we could not find the correct alter that Te Seng was placed.

Upon reaching the temple, we went to make a search at the area and with 3 pair of eyes, searching high and low, we managed to locate the urn of Te Seng. If any of my mates here do not know where exactly is Te Seng's urn, the following serial no states so.

Level 1 - L1 0904

I cant remind myself all the time of this serial number of Te Seng's urn but of course, I did the most brilliant way to take note of it; via my MSN message. I had put it since Te Seng's death to remind myself to make a visit annually.

With the help of the uncles from the temple, the 3 of us offered our prayers for Te Seng before we made our way to Ang Mo Kio hub for lunch. Think again, Te Seng had passed on since 17 February 2008, which means 3 years and counting. I still miss him alot, so does the other boys.

His laughter, his voice, his unique spectacles with that cranky look. I miss the way he always called me whenever we have gatherings. "Mr Singapore Idiot", that was what he said (he knows I like to sing).

Before the group break for their respective activities, I posted this online at Facebook, which states "Finally, we managed to locate and pray our respects to you. Dearest friend, it's been 3 years plus since you've gone and we still miss you. Rest in peace, Ah Seng."

There were a couple of 'likes' on the comment, mainly from the class of 5N3. I could say, everyone still miss him. No one expects such a thing had happened to him, to his family, and to us.

I was quite moody the entire afternoon. I did some work-related stuff but was not as energetic as before. I wanted to shop with friends but I rejected them. It was that moment where you want to be alone for a couple of hours, to refreshen the mood.

I felt much better now. Apologies to Ping Ding for not meeting you for shopping at H&M. I just want to chill a little but not telling you the reason.

Life goes on. Ah Seng, Rest in peace while the class moves on.

Javier did said something similar on this, "to enter the competition not for the experience but to become Champions." 

It sounds ambitious but to be honest, who doesn't want to be crowned Champions in a competition. 

Singthesis was taking its first baby step towards reality, where the singing is brought to it's first step; the first step towards the group's evolution. 

A little history about Singthesis, it started from a small group of committee members of NYP Voice Ensemble, where the group decided to stay on, and becoming Alum-9. (Graduated and there were 9 of us) Hence, as the group increase in numbers, Alum-9 became Singthesis: Music and People.

Months of practice and sacrifices; work, sleep, off, studies, etc; that we came this far. We had mastered the 3 songs that to be used for competition. "Gamelan" was first, followed by "Angel" and lastly, "Chilli  Corn Carne".

We sang, with confidence and smiles. Yet we failed to use the stage space and make frequent eye contact with the audience. When the judges commented our song piece, we thought all hope was lost.

However, when Singthesis was pronounced as Champions, it was an inspiration to the group that we had did it, our efforts were paid off. Our first triumph and mini trophy. Some cried, many embraced. Best of all; everyone were smiling with glee.

More obstacles for the group, with an involvement in Christmas Carolling followed with an annual NYP Voice Ensemble concert, things will get better each time.

Singthesis, another place to be called home, especially for people... And music. =] 

Going through those emotional periods lately had been difficult for me but I realized what was the reason to all these: I'm aimless with life.

Hence, I have decided that studies will be my next motivational level that I will try to attend. Part time studies isn't easy but I believe if I'm determine enough, I can manage it. Yet, the only reason is still work concerns, affecting my schedules in future. 

Initially I only got to know that 2 mates are pursuing their studies but now, there's 3. I was stunned on the spot upon hearing the news but I guess, I will need lots of self studying to improve my grades. I just gonna see what lies ahead in the future but if worst come to worst, moving on from where I work may be a good way to pursue my interest. That shall be my concern in the later months.

Another concern, probably a reflection that I had earlier tonight, was about being man enough in a boy-girl relationship. I don't know but I realized that I'm not a pretty bad guy after all when it comes to romance.

I may have love and lost the 2 gals of my dreams but to be honest, I think I did a perfect job during the start and midst of the relationship, until the latter. I don't know how am I supposed to continue this reflection but I really want to thank them for playing a part of my love life, especially Auntie Emily for the life changing experience that I had gone through.

At the end of the day, a man should put in effort in a relationship to ensure it works and add in some romance chemistry or else, woman will find it bored when being with you!

Also, when it comes to comparison on who loves who more and who sacrifices more, please!! It's not easy to measure and will measuring them make both ends happy? I don't think so. If such minor stuff can make things rocky, I think the gal can deserve better.

Lastly, if you wish to get a date with the gal you are fond to, just DO it!! Ask the damn question for a date and don't e pessimistic all the time. These stuff can worry at the later part. Gambate!!

Well, no one is being referred in this post so I have come clean.

I am just at the comfort zone of singlehood and why? I had been loved before. It's good enough for now, I guess. Thanks XX and Auntie Emily for the love you once gave and cherished. I'm contented with that. =]

I had a deep cut on my left sole of my feet. It's actually not a serious injury but I got it while playing a game of water captains ball for the Home Team Healthy Lifestyle event.

I tried to hit the ball away and I jumped up high, and landed onto a metal rod which was inside the water, resulting direct contact. I was bleeding profusely but the blood stops gradually. However, the pain doesn't.

Suddenly, a whole lot of things came into my mind. It reminds me of that moment when I was still with Auntie Emily, where I was supposed to bring her for fish spa but she told me she had suffered a deep cut on her sole of her feet. I was frustrated that she didn't tell me about the cut but she assured me that she was fine. That fateful day, we went for Prawning instead.

Now, the pain was not worst as before but each time I looked at the scar, the same historical images will shuttered across my mind. Auntie Emily's smile will remain in me for that short moment. The feeling of missing someone was so strong that I realized how weak I was when I told myself that its time to forget her.

Sadly, she is always in my mind no matter where I go. I still love her I guess. Yet, she is not by my side any longer. If I could have a second chance, I'm willing to do a better job as her guy but I can't accept the pain that I had inflicted her during the past, that i will have no guts to continue that mission impossible task.

Jeremy told me umpteen times that in order to move on, the first thing he gonna do to my room is to throw that puzzle picture that Auntie Emily had done for me for my birthday. Of course!! No way!!

I guess, no one can really replace this girl who is the one that makes me dream of a better life, a better future and a desire to ensure that life - is to live happily ever after.

Auntie Emily, hope you're doing fine even though you don't read these words of truth from a Uncle's heart. 

I missed her, deeply, I just realized.

Time flies and it's the day when I grow by a year. How I wish that time could paused for a moment, let me have a breather before I continue my journey of mankind.

If you ask me, what are the wishes that you have made for your birthday? I would still say, same as usual. Its always about wishing the people around me to stay healthy and happy at all times. 

The truth is, I didn't really make a proper wishing for myself this year. I have find it pointless to do so. No idea for that but throughout the year, its all about heart aches and pain. It's always about work, friends and home that I realized, I'm not doing anything for my own sake.

Wanting to stay fit, I trained hard but end up, a back injury stops me from moving on further. Wanting to love a person and start afresh, I tried to meet new people but do not have the courage and mentality to accept another. Only a phrase describes me:  a piece of shit.

To be honest, I'm happy that many of my friends celebrated my birthday. The diving crew and athletes had sang a birthday song for me. Singthesis fellows had a cake for me. VJ, Jeremy and gang held a steamboat for me. Simin and Jeremy had brought me to the fish spa to relax... Appreciated with thanks.

Yet again, never did I feel comfortable throughout the whole experience as there were a few stupid incidents that took place these days. The renting of car under Jeremy's name, the clinger feeling that I faced in and off the diving event, not forgetting that I had fall sick during the process. Sucks to the core.

I have no idea what lies in the future. I only thing that I know right now is I'm currently fighting on without a purpose. There's no motivation for me to move on in life. The only key to these answers is to find it by myself and only me, who can bring myself to see what lies the future of mine.

I'm just finding everything meaningless for now. Sorry but Nicholas may be smiling but he has no idea why he is doing so, probably to entertain many others, as a tool of anger and sadness for others.

Nicholas, the puppet, has arrived.

The disaster about celebration is when the planning are suck up! Initially, it was a Malaysia retreat after work at night but end up with a painful 3 hour "lost in the woods" journey before we settled down for our dinner, which was like 3am.

I dont mind about being hungry but when listening to the senior colleagues making a fuss about the matter, I feel that they should voice out if there is any unhappiness to the plan. Nevertheless, I guess everyone still enjoyed the food at Old Town Cafe at Johor before we proceed back home to rest.

Sadly, Muzz, Munir and I had double the dozsage of ice coffee! It taste awesome and we craved for more. Moreover, with such an affordable pricing, why not. This resulted my sleepless off day, when I only closed my eyes for 3 hours in the morning and a proper sleep for an hour plus at noon.

I guess I need to do something about my sleep. Irregular sleeps lately made me to be the ultimate Ultraman, fighting a marathon of insomnia.

For now, that's the end of everything. Well, Zamir, happy ORD! =]
With misses from me dude!

Ever wonder what it feels like to make your first step into this world? Ever wonder what it feels like to make your first contact with another human being when you’re out of the womb? Or maybe, ever wonder how it feels when your heart stops abruptly, yet knowing that there are many things which you still yet to try.

I wonder how it feels, if it fall upon me, or the reaction of others towards me.

Do I feel pain? Do I feel fear, happy or sad?

How about the people around me?

My family members, my relatives, my close friends, my school mates, my colleagues; what would they feel?

It’s so hard to believe that this person came into the world; our world; and in 11 days of going through what a human does – breathe, hear, smell, probably feel and sight, her life just turned upside down like a tsunami that flooded Hawaii. Similar to demolishing the buildings in the town with a single wave, the nightmare had erased many wonderful dreams and memories that she could hardly remember in her tiny mind at that moment.

Attending to her at her bedside, nothing could describe how I felt. It was a sight of despair. Every breath taken in the room showed the determination of the many little ones who wants to live on. Sadly, she had given up.

When I first saw the young lady who had acknowledged the little one’s existence at the start of her birth, I thought she had shown some remorse for what had happened. Unfortunately; seeing is believing; and the young lady was as cheerful as ever, showing no concern to what had happened. She showed no instincts of a caretaker who would risk her life to protect the little one.

No words could describe the sadness that filled in my sympathetic heart to the little one but this sadness shortly turned into rage of anger when I discovered the actions of the young lady to be not genuine. Shame on her, and I felt like giving her a knock-out punch to ensure that her conscious was awake but nothing could be done. In my current position, I can’t.

I maybe emotional but seriously, a lesson was learnt. If you love someone, and you are willing to do anything with her, always take a step back, reflect. Reflect what others would think if you made an action to show how much you love, care or desire.

Most importantly, if you are not willing to give a damn about the outcome, please! Don’t let the innocent suffer. If you are ready and willing to do it and bear the consequences, then I have nothing to say but promised, not to hurt others in the process but learn to protect them, with your heart and soul.

For now, my prayers go to the little one; the little dove that heads to the Lord. I’m no Christian but I hope all goes well for her next adventure to life.

Packed schedules and commitments make it harder for me to breathe. The hectic work during the month of March and April was a killer, causing me to lose track of my priorties, relaxation and fun.

Luckily, my trip to Hong Kong and Macau during March was long planned to ease myself from all these stress. Imagine you are away from work, away from any problems that is in relation to work. Unfortunately, my Sister told me that I was a workaholic that I end up performing my core duties as a good fellow while I was in Hong Kong. I'm too engrossed with work I guess. =.="

Well, when I thought that I could enjoy myself when I'm back into the group, I was wrong. The first wrong step was made when I made a decision to do the right thing by going through the left way. You can call it "lucky" but sometimes I don't understand what's the seriousness of doing the left way in solving a problem. Isn't it what they call it, "think out of the box?"

They implement rules for the lazy, for the idiots, for the spoilers, yet they encourage people to be more creative, to be professional, to be street smart. Then, why with the rules to tie people down? That's sounds like a contradicting statement issued by the 'hunks' and 'babes' of that society class.

I know that I was in the wrong, and deserved the obstacles I'm gonna go through for that grevious dumb mistake that was done. Yet, I still believed my own philosophies. I guess, they don't mind losing a man through a low BP than a person who got out of his restrictions.

Worst, the past is always brought up to condemn oneself from moving forward. You want to improve but with your memories all about the past, why can't you just admit it that you can't put the past aside and accept that you're getting old, probably senile in the future when we grow or mature. Plus, I can cope with the past crap senario that was given. I didn't ask for a reformation of the environment change. It was implemented by the 'hunks' and babes' and not me, Fool.

Seriously, I'm having a great diet lately with 2 meals per day due to the weird schedule that I had to go through each month. Change after change. I had lack of sleep by sacrificing them for sports, especially after a night's out. 30 hours without sleep to do something you like, each week? You think its cool? Yeah, I'm now known by my buddies as 'Mr Ultraman' but its super tiring to save the world with fatigue, stress and irregular monthly torture.

I had explained what I wish to say to the people who feels the burden for my actions. Like it, hate it, all I could say is that I don't mind being looked down. I never think myself highly but if I am one of the worst person in the group, then let me be. At least I shall be the role model to others that they should learn not to follow.

Retards... ZZzzz.. I have done with my saying... See ya in the "court room" while I face my judgement day in front of the eyes of the jury as you decide my fate towards justice, Judge.

"Spears and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." - Anonymous

Right now, I'm waiting for time to pass, before I could watch the Liverpool Europa match at Sun Plaza Macdonalds with Eugene. Supposingly there's Jeremy joining us but guess what, the nutcracker had drank too much that he went to la-la land to meet his girlfriend instead. =P

Well, nothing much had been on lately. The Lunar New Year had past not long ago and yes, I've been recieving red packets during my visits. However, I was too busy with work that I did not feel the festive season mood of celebrating the brand new year. I had to work during the day before and the first day of the Lunar New Year. That sucks isn't it? Well, maybe that's the crucial thing about working life as an adult. Oops~! Did I say I'm an adult? Jeezzz....

Not only during the festive period that I was working but Valentines Day too! Wait a minute, I do not have any partner so what's the worry? Haha! However, it does make me feel jealous once in awhile to see the streets filled with couples. The kisses, the huggings, the sweet talks... I missed them so much but there's nothing I could do. I still recall recently that I saw her while I was going down the escalator from train station, whereby I saw her being hugged by her boyfriend. There's this sudden rage within me but shortly, I was feeling alright. I guess I have finally learn to let go but of course, not the memories at the moment.

Well, work was terrible, so does my fitness. Nicholas is getting FAT! Yes, I mean it, FAT! I cant believe it that I have not been exercising and while playing soccer, I could not run and perform that I used to be. Probably because I'm still nursing my back injury? Well, I've rescheduled my specialist appointment at Tan Tock Seng Hospital to 22nd March. Hope nothing serious this time round even though there's still constant pain once in awhile.

At least, I had a full 45 minutes match with James and his friends at Bukit Batok last Sunday, with the final score at 5-3 and I scored two goals as we went for a victory. A solo effort from me at the right flank and I dribbled pass the defence before planting my shot that went pass the goalie. The second came from a good assist from the left flank as I tapped the ball in. I just want to train more, to improve my fitness, to regain my touch, and to solve the FATS problem within me.

Alright, time to stop now. Eugene's gonna kill me cause I'm late again... Zzz...