I finally have the time to blog for today's events that has taken place. I was reading 'Naruto' Manga, which is currently at Episode 345 and it only shows the part that Sasuke killed Orochimaru but the problem was that, the ritual for the tranferring of bodies is over. Alright, I'm too engross with the whole anruto story plot that I would need to wait till next saturday before I download the next episode of the Manga. Haix... Is there really a need to do that each week, keeping readers in suspense??!! Possibly no life for the readers but too bad, we still need to wait. The publisher is always the one who controls the story, not us.

Anyway, as usual, I dont know what's the goal tally for today. We just shoot at our opponent's goal continously and I only know that I scored once. That's all. After that, we had a game of our own. In the end, it was our team losing to Chris's team. To be more detailed, it was Chris, Jimmy, Jack, Eugene and Haikal againsting Kian Wee, Nan, Szaywan, Haikal's friend and me. We lost by a score line of 9-8. Although I tried to do things on my own and not cooperating with the rest, I think we could really win the match if some things didnt happened at all. After the match, a disapppointing one indeed, I was feeling tired and angry. Angry because of such things happen in my team and most of all, reflecting about the whole match. I laid on the floor, looking up the clear sky, looking at the stars shining with its never dying strength of light. I keep wondering... Why?? Why it turn out to be like that??

The first thing that come into my mind was the time wastage that our team suffered, or else we still have some attacking opportunity to fight back, probably equalising. However, the linked events occured that really make me go mad. First, we concede a goal and the opponent team were celebrating. I dont mind that but after that, Chris was at the other side, having the ball and was dribbling. Alright, maybe she didnt hear what Eugene had shouted to continue but she's still holding the ball. (Part 1 - Time wastage) Then, Haikal got the ball and whacked it. The ball went to the other side. (Part 2 - Time wastage) I really have nothing to say and I had to run over to get the ball and kick it back. By the time Kian Wee got the ball, lights out, its over. Haix... I was so fed up that I took out my shoes from my feet and throw it on the floor, as well as my socks. That's the only way I could do to release the anger within me.

Soon, Kian Wee came to me and I chatted with him about the match since I was very quiet and was not talking to the rest after the match. The next thing struck my mind was what our team was facing. Kian Wee wasnt feeling like playing all the while and even if Eugene gives a slight tap, Kian Wee doesnt try to stretch his legs to clear the ball. Next, Nan was injuried, suffering from cramps on the legs. Then, my playing was so bad. Eveyone know that I was being as an individual all the way and I was not doing the 'Teamwork' stuff, such as passing and crossing. The most crazy thing that I could imagine is that the team is playing in a light hearted way, since Chris was the goalie for the opponent team and no one is playing at their full potential. I mean, we should not play like that manner, because there's a gal in the other team. You call it 'gentleman', I call it 'weird'. In my opinion, in a game, all opponents are to be treated equal. There's no special treatment for all...

Alright, I might be wrong but we should not give in like that. Anyway, overall, I'm just trying to spill everything that is in my mind now. I'm just saying it out as my opinion and there's no hard feelings in it. When a game is over, its over. There's no point of creating a scene to show your dissatisfaction. I typed this in my blog, to keep it as an event to be remembered, thats all.

However, I think if I could pass the blame, I think I should blame myself. I was playing as an indiviual numerous times and all my shots were wasted. The stupid thing was that I have an injury and I still continued playing. Now, blisters all over my feet and there's a chance of 50% getting cramps for both legs, which I did felt while playing. Probably if I was able to pass the ball or cross it, it could still be a draw or win. As a human being, I think I should not repeat mistakes that have been made but yet end up repeating the whole thing, like a cycle. Too bad, maybe I wasnt thinking at all while playing, I might have the strategy to play but it wont do anything when it comes thinking and playing. Haix... what the... I did promise someone I should not injuried again and stop my injuries and I failed to do so. What a failure am I in keeping promises. No wonder that someone would not listen to me, especially when my words are like a a piece of crap.

End of today's long battle crap. As usual, I might be angry about today's incident but tomorrow would be alright for me. A friend replied me a message, saying that he/she would find a solution to solve all problems he/she faced. I dont know what I should do. I really want to help but for the past few days, probably weeks, I think I was just creating havoc in that person's life. I have no idea what's that person thinking, especially the solutions that he/she would be implementing. If its a negative solution that could bring happiness to that person, I dont think its a wise decision. Yet, I still strongly believe in that person's judgement. That person has the ability to judge things by his/her own and I do hope he/she did the right thing. Maybe he/she is feeling numb now while sleeping, or maybe later once waken up. However, there are possible solutions that are still positive...

As a friend, sometimes I do feel hopeless when helping others to deal with solutions. All friends could do is to show support and concern, as well as giving advices but yet couldnt do anything at all to stop the person's pain. It's hard for me to drown my sorrows but I think... I'm just getting too much, interferring too much with other people's life. A friend??? Haha... I should just laugh myself off. I live on day by day, to see happiness and sadness with my own eyes. The most happy moment that I had for this week is last night, singing songs for my God-Sis over the phone to make her feel better since she had problems with her life. A moment of happiness is truly hard to get. What am I??? I'm not god. I'm not Cristiano Ronaldo. I'm nothing actually. My will and determination is just what I'm left with to live on. Probably I'm still alive since I'm here to prove something to this world about me... I dont know... Really dont...

Like what Jasmine had told me in her message, 'Dont give up... Never say die...' I'm always the one who never gives up and never say die but yet, things just happened to be not going my way. I will still try my best but still, its very hard for me to do it since I'm just saying it. Now, even th person who I wish to be with just treat me as her brother and all I could do is keep quiet... act blur at all times... and keep it as a painful thought... a dark secret... I dont mind but sometimes, I must admit this, the truth hurts...

Alright, stopping my crapping here then. Life... a valuable heartbeat that allows one to live on for his or her existence for a purpose. My life, my rules... maybe not... probably everything has been arranged to be taken place. Everything has been set to be done by the 'Book of Life'... Everything, even my actions now, are the arrangements of Fate and Destiny... Destiny... Could I control it, or its already controlling me, maybe still young till now, even right now...