Over the 20 years of life, every single living thing has dreamt of a lot of things. Regardless of events, people or places, these dreams could be a sweet one or a bad one, which sometimes make one to realise some truth over certain issues. However, I dont know whether this dream is true but let me share what I was dreaming 2 nights ago on Friday.

In the dream, it appeared that I was in someone's house, which seemed to be at the 2nd storey. Weird isn't it? Yet, this was not the weirdest part of the entire thing. The WEIRDEST part was... instead of dreaming of her, it end up, her friend popping into my dream??!! Alright, sounds like another babe was there, in the room or something. However, it was Ryan (yeah.. a guy... not a gay...) who had popped out. Gosh.. Weird...

There, we were having a small chat when we got distracted by a frog at the window panel, trying to enter the room. Both of us end up using different stuff to push the frog down to the grassy area at the ground floor. We used... sticks... rulers... and many more but the frog just wont get off the panel. We ended up using a water hose, splashing water onto the frog and finally, it went back to the ground floor.

Once it was over, Ryan 'told' me that I had not been joining them for their photography expeditions for quite some time and asked why. All I answered was that I'm too busy. Then, I got to ask the real reasons for their group's photography expedition. It was a pure yet honest answer of doing it for their interest, as well as to explore Singapore for good pictures. Nothing to do with fame but fun, thats all.

Then, when I decide to told him about what had gone wrong between her and me, Ryan gave the most shocking face during the dream, with a phrase, "WHAT?!! What happened to you two??!!" Guess what happens next? Before I could get to listen his next sentence, music begin to play next to my ears...

♪♫♪ 请你不要到处购叩叩 ♫♪ 潮流需要摳摳 ♪♫ 不小心就没摳摳 ♫♪♫

=.=" Alright, its the alarm clock... Its JJ's ringtone that woke me up from my dream. Its Saturday morning and its time for work. ZZzzz... I did not get the chance to listen from Ryan, what he's going to say and what he felt. Bad timing... Yet, the question makes me ponder of the reasons for her taking photgraphy. Is it for pure enjoyment and exploring Singapore, or other reasons?

Only she who knows the key to the answer of this question and it depends on her to provide me the answer. Satisfying the answer will be up to me but the main difficulty would be, 'how to open up one's thoughts'.

Still, what a dream... I wonder how's her race which ended hours ago...

Running a 42km race... I had not tried that before in my entire life.

I only get to understand how tough it was through experiences from runners and friends.

The pain and gain during and after the race... I wont get to understand it unless I participate and tried it out.

The only thing that concerns about the race is about someone's ability to run, with her kneecap being put on risk, especially when she had frequent pains over the years.

She hate her kneecap but love running and exercise.

I wish her good luck... Hoping nothing happens to her kneecap and she will acheive what she wants from the race.

I cant give any physical support except SMS-ing her and pray for her, wishing her good luck. No special words of encouragement or motivation.

Jia you... That's all I could say for now.

And... The race has just started...

Thinking of this matter made me pissed, all thanks to someone's stubborn attitude problem. It all started with me asking a simple question out of curiousity, of that someone's early leave from her company, since she left earlier than her working hours for today. Instead of telling me the answer, all she typed on her MSN was 'telling you or not, does not make any difference."



Nice try, isn't it?! This is not the first time since that stubborn gal do that. Blaming it as my lost for not listening the radio? Thinking that I was stupid for not listening the FM via online? Please... Make a visit to the various FM websites and see the big words stated in the website before putting words on the MSN. The following picture shows what is found in the website, from 95FM.

The reason? Online FM has been suspended its service since 1st March 2009. Hence, it means only using a radio, MP3 or other mediums except online, would allow you to listen to your favourite channels in the FM radio. Hence, please get your stuff right before you start saying others. Don't always think that you are right. PLEASE?!

I'm not just angry mainly for that radio issue but because of your dilly dally methods of not giving an answer. You dont beat around the bush on others when you dont wish to say the answer. You can say the many words that you love to say to me but please, dont say them in the meanest ways like, why should I tell you etc...

Even the smartest professor will give you one tight slap on the face for doing that. You give a question, you make people think, yet you dont give an answer. Similar to the case of, you ask someone not to look but they will still look. Logical?

At the end of the day, it was my students (my juniors in the gym) that told me that today is some sort of a family day for all people so work will end at 5pm. Finally! I get an answer, not from that someone but from the people in the gym! That answer came after I was put puzzled by someone for 3 hours. Nice try...

My work may end at 9pm but does not mean that I cant know something that is learnt by the public. I have alot more to say but I dont wish this post to be a great insult for someone. Please... You maybe smarter than me but I'm not dumb to the max. To that someone; T.W.!! =

I dont have a 5pm early leave for home but still, its a good thing for everyone in Singapore to have their early leave. As for me, I'm having a BBQ gathering at a later time at Sembawang Park, with all the Secondary School mates. See you guys later... =]

I did as much practices as I could before the test. I read through the book once for a final time before setting off to the Bukit Batok Driving Centre, to retake my Basic Theory Test, after a fail attempt during the previous try.

While on the bus, which leads to the centre, I looked at the different signages on the roads and got stuck with a signage, which made me think repeatedly what is the answer. I reached the exam hall just on time and took the test straight away, with my head blank. The first thing I said was 'Gosh!'

Next, my tummy begin to feel abit hurt. It was like I need to use the toilet at any time to make a big business but I cant leave the place since I had answered a few questions. Quiting would mean re-doing everything again. Perseverance will only be the key for the completion of the test. Reading the questions properly and pressing the buttons as fast as possible, I completed the 50 questions in 12 minutes.

Without double checking the answers, I just clicked 'submit' and it came with a big box, stating 'PASS'. I'm happy... I'm glad.. and of course, I'm still in pain. I was still not feeling that good while collecting my PDL but I did not went to the loo, as it was still not that serious. The first few people I would like to tell the good news of mine was people whom are closed to me.

I dont know why would I message her but she replied with a congrats and that's it. I'm happy for that reply... Yes, she is one of the few people I wish to tell. Yet, what is she thinking and what was her reaction during that moment when seeing that? I will never know. Probably a plain simple text to her but means alot to me, up till today.

First thing first, I've finally graduated from my Polytechnic after being in the school for an entire 3 years. Life in NYP is sure stress, hetic but fun. I've met alot of people, from classmates, to becoming friends, from CCA mates, to become close buddies, from a normal average joe, to become a man who understand the meaning of love and yet lose it at the end of the day. Wow... Its so fast, everything is so quick but I have leapt the first step to another level of life.

The final day where all classmates get to gather for the one last time, it was a good sight to see many with their smiling faces. Every one was enjoying themselves for the entire ceremony. Pictures are taken from different angles, with different types of cameras. From the expensive DSLR (Gary's) to the normal ones like mine and many others, the shots we've took together will become memories, definitely.

Walking up the stage and getting ready to take the last march to the guest to recieve my certificate was indeed an honour. However, some funny stuff occurred during the short wait. The lady, whom was standing next to me, was saying the following things within the past 15 seconds.

Lady: Congratulations in your graduation.

Me: Thank you.

Lady: You have not enlisted to National Service (NS)?

Me: Er... Very soon.

Lady: O... No wonder your hair is so long...

Me: Er.... -.-" (and there's where I begin to walk out and recieved my certificate)

Nice try, Lady. I don't blame you but its funny for me. Alright, jokes aside. The graduation gown is like a curtain, wrapping your body and its like an oven being heated with a slow timer. I perspire alot but the fun was still way long ahead. Once everything is done, pictures were taken at every corner, every angle and every place where you can stand at for a shot. Its a pleasure to snap some shots with some good friends and lecturers. Appreciated for what we had shared for each semester or the past 3 years working together as a team.

Well, its nice to be graduated but there was something missing in the picture, which will never come true. Mum was there, Sister was there, Uncle was there. Dad wasn't but I dont mind since he's busy with work. Yet, she isn't. I dont blame her even if we are still together as she has attachment to attend to but too bad, its over.

Waiting could be a torture but if there's a glimpse for me to touch her, I will do whatever it takes to be with her.

I tried to have some practices via online in preparation for my up-coming BTT. From the 3 tries that I had done, I did improved.

First try was 41 out of 50 marks. Second was the same score as the previous and lastly, with the final try, 44 out of 50 marks. There's improvement shown but still, I FAILED! Zzz...

Is it that difficult to pass? I'm still trying to do something about it. More practices for tomorrow.

Anyway, I was back from Jessica's birthday party, which was at Yishun. One of the games I got to played was Indian Poker but the loser will need to drink a mixture of ice, volka and red bull. Poh Ee got the shot but end up, Yong Hong and I helping him to finish the drink. He's gonna drive later that night so I guess, for the two of us, we could drink since we are taking the train.

Gosh... What a poor drinker am I... I started to wonder alot of things after drinking and it is terribly hot right now, even with the fan blowing towards me. Head is in a daze but still clearly awake.

Well, about my injury after a night's rest, I was still feeling okay but my ribs still hurt alot. Its like the pain connects from the ribs, to the back and also, to the throat area. I have difficulties moving my stiff neck but I guess I did not sleep well last night. With my back aching, I just wish for someone to help me to massage it, especially during the past when she used her strong yet gentle hands to massage my shoulders.

It was comfortable... I missed the feeling today... =/

This year's Canberra Secondary School Charity Soccer 2009 is a big flop for some of us. Although we aimed high and we won something, we did not really win as many matches compared to last year's. In overall, we won 2 matches and lost the next 3, yet we still managed to get a 3rd placing for the entire competition.

The squad for this year still remains the same group of people but with some add-ons. The line-up for last year was Jimmy, Yang, Eugene, Jack, Kenneth and me. This time round, there's an addition of Johnson, one of Eugene's camp mate and Kai, Jimmy's friend. However, Kai could not turn up due to unforseen situation. The team was left with 7 out of the 8 people but the match shall go on.

First match of the day was against some American guys from nowhere, which only Mr. Siva (teacher-in-charge) will know where they were from. They were friendly opponents whom were playing not too rough at all. We scored 3 goals against them, with one from Jimmy and 2 from Yang. The second goal was played partly by me, with me assisting the ball to him to slot it into an empty net.

Second match was against some team which graduated last year. The score was 6-0, with Eugene hitting a hat-trick and some shots from Johnson. Eugene was the lucky man, with all the tap-in shots that makes the goals increase. Anyway, that team had a big fall at the end of the day, only scoring 2 goals but conceding more than 10 goals. They did not win a single game, which means they could not qualify for the next round. However, it should be a good experience for them, in preparations for next year's tournament.

Third match onwards, it was falling down, and down, and down. Sion's team was a hard to be defeated, and when its the introduction of Fairos into the team, all hell broke lose, with us conceding 4 goals. What can I say but he's Canberra's best striker, as well as a S-League player. That's a big deal to take on.

Then, there comes Alex's team. We lost narrowly by 1-0 but I suffered with a hard blow from Alex. He tried to get the ball but knowing that I was infront of him, he pushed me, which end up elbowing me, causing me to lay flat on the ground, with a full force down on my head to the mat. "Bang!" and that is when I felt numb, clueless and seeing stars. I was substituted but was feeling fine.

The semi-finals came with us again versus Alex's team. I suffered some hard knocks but we still lost the match with a 2-0 defeat. With no substitutions in our team as Kenneth and Jack had to leave early, its all about playing with the limit number of manpower. We tried so at least, we did not really lost too bad.

We thought we had to play for the 3rd and 4th placings but end up, getting our place via a walk through, with our opponents leaving the tournament. You could call it lucky but I guess we did a good job too when playing against the rest of the teams. Anyway, the opponents were the Americans, which we won earlier that day. Hence, we had peace in our minds for what we had achieved.

For my own reflection, I had enjoyed the game but too bad, I was not in good form since I failed to practice soccer for 3 weeks or more. It seemed that I've been giving up the sport after my work commitments and also, for what the sport had inflicted hurt in my relationship once. Probably the stress factors that lead to today but I guess I was not playing with enough determination. Not saying that more can be improved but I guess my fitness levels gonna improve first before I could do other things. I'm lazy to train... really lazy,.. Haix...

Well, although we got third, I think I had the most blows suffered in the team. I'm now having cuts on my left elbow and left knee. My muscles might be sore but I could feel the aches after the knocks I suffered from today's fierce and gruesome tackles. However, the worst was the fall I had, which I'm suffering from some pains at the back of my head. Not a concussion yet but it still hurts.

I dont know why but my head is hurting and chest is feeling painful too, which is not the lungs or the heart but the ribs. I dont know how serious it is but I guess, if its not gonna be feeling right for me, the doctor is the next person I should visit. I guess, I shall rest early too... and I'll be fine.

** BTT is always a first try for all starters so a fail does not mean that getting a pass will be difficult again. I hope you could try again and wish you get a pass. Well, I might be feeling pain now for all the injuries but I dont wish you to worry, although I have no idea would you be worried or not. No matter what, I will still be there for you. That's all I could say... Good luck for your up-coming attachment.

I dont know how serious the injuries are. Its hurting badly but I hope tomorrow I'll be alright. To me, if I'm really gone one day, I still wish to say that there is still someone who loves you with his entire heart and soul. Good night... My da blur blur...

I finally did my first practice for my BTT via the Internet, using my Uncle's account from some driving test website. I answered all questions with full confidence but got a 41/50 score at the end of the test.

This means... I failed. Gosh... More practice is needed.

"Help, I'm gonna need SOMEBODY! Help!..." - From the Beatles =]

Having my SPF interview yesterday morning and it was a long day before I could have my 1st meal for the day. There's a story behind it but I will explain later.

Waking up at 7am, I had to get myself ready, wearing my formal attire and head to Outram Park; the Police Catonment Complex; to have my interview to become a future Police Officer. When I reached the lobby of the building, the sight of the number of people was more than I've thought. I assumed that there were only a few candidates for today's interview. Not to forget, one of the candidates was Chi Yong. What a coincidence! Yet when I pat him on the shoulder, he looked at me, and the first words from his mouth was.....

"Kan Na Sai.... (Shit...)"

=.=" What the hell... What a remark he gave.

We got our passes shortly and we went to a room to have our first test of the day. To test our mental ability, many questions such as patterns, assumptions and personal quizzes were attempted. I was able to clear most of the questions but as the questions got more, it gets harder and harder.

Once the test was done, Chi Yong and I just took the lift, which lead us to another area for the 2nd test. Now this was the interesting part, which we initially should go for our lunch after the first test but we were like blur enough to enter the room with an empty stomach. Although in the end, Chi Yong had to leave first as he was not eligible for the selection due to his commitments with studies, I was the only one remained, to keep myself from feeling bored and not hungry.

After filling many segments on the various forms given to us, finally it was my turn to head for the second test of the day; body check. They were checking if any parts of your body is deformed and any tatoos are shown on your body. After all these checkings, the officer also asked us to march, trying to see if our coordination is in good form or not. At least I remembered how to much well but the problem was, I only raise one of my hands instead of two, probably caused by my familiarity to march with my Tuba with me.

The third test, as well as the last test of the day, was an interview with some of the officers. They asked various questions such as describing yourself, your family and what is your reason to become a Police Officer. As usual, I tried to make it like a casual talk with enough confidence in me. Slowly, other questions such as what are the tasks does Police Officers do and how do I fare for my fitness came from the officers mouths. Alright, I tried to crap abit but manage to brush through the questions with the answers that are truthful from my heart.

In the end, I left the building and managed to had my BREAKFAST in the afternoon, around 3.30pm. What the... Never mind. I guess if I am being posted as a Police Officer, such things would also occur, where food is not a priority unless you had solved the cases.

The results wont be out soon but I do hope I could be offered with a position as a Police Officer. Anyway, there's the Liverpool vs. Singapore match but I guess, I wont be attending. I wish to get 2 tickets to watch the match with others but seemed that that person had a ticket already. Watching alone (even though Eugene is watching with his girlfriend), I think its better for me to put this match aside for that day.

Liverpool match... Perhaps, other time... =]

I dont know why I would want to call her suddenly, or should I say immediately. I missed her out of the blue. It was this sinking feeling again and my heart feels hurt.

However, this time round, it was hurting badly, especially my lungs. It sounds weird but I had chest pains suddenly and all I could think of is hear her voice. I will not know whether hearing her voice will stop the pain but I guess, I will feel in peace at heart.

At least I managed to chat with her for nearly an hour, which was like never for the past many weeks. I missed her voice, I missed her face, I missed her touch... I hope things would work well but I never have high hopes for an easy success.

I hope the coming conversations will go on smoothly, and not me being a retard to say stupid things again... =/ haix...

I did 3 times for a BTT trial test system via online, using my Uncle's account to assess it. The results were not good at all.

For the first 2 tries, I scored 41 marks out of 50, whereas the last test was 44 marks. At least an improvement but I still FAILED!!

More practice, I guess that's the solution. HELP~!!

I had my certificates and academic scripts all printed. I need to pack my stuff once I reach home later, all because of the interview that I'm taking tomorrow.

Yes, I decide to join the Singapore Police Force, which was sort of my inspiration to be a police officer since young. Aiming for the goal to be one was a dream come true I guess. However, some asked was it because something that has cause me to make an implusive decision. I really dont know.

All I could say that after I read her blog, as well as accessing some private blog, it seemed that the hatred is still strong. All it takes is one's hate to destroy every single thing, every single memory and every single action that we had previously done before.

I know partly its my fault for the mistakes but nothing can be done to undo the harm. I do know that I have a bad temper but whenever I scold, I would be feeling depress at a later stage. You understand that I have such a bad habit but it does not mean that what I mean was true during my frustrations. I need someone to understand me, someone close to me which I could rely on. Yet, its too late...

I saw the words that you describe your friends. Previously, you called me a 'ben ben'. Now, you called others that. My heart did sank deeply, trying to float up but its a bitter one to swollow. Have you fall for other guys? Have you put everything aside so quickly? I wonder why.

I hope you did have a good attachment place that you are going to work on for the coming months. I hope your BTT will pass this Saturday, and not like me, failed the first attempt. I do feel useless. I feel like giving myself up, in everything, life, work, money, fun... I have no idea what to do. Never would you want to hear from me, talk to me or even compromise with me. Its your bad habit, and yes, this is your bad habit which I always wish to have the change in you but you dont want.

Who's fault for that at the end of the day? Nobody. Its all in the mind whether one wants to change. Even if I tried to change, never would you see through my good points but my bad will be highlighted in your heart all the time. I do get late, I do have bad temper, I do have sensitive mind, I do have irritating mouth that ask multi kinds of questions. However, when I do something that is a change, you never recognise it. I need recognition, which what I do like praising you or something.

Forget it... I should stop thinking about it and continue with life, in an aggressive manner. Let's hope my SPF interview is a success. I'm tired for now...

Never would I take expensive hobbies like others, who do have the ability to do that. I dont boost around saying that I do have a hobby or two. I never had a hobby except when I was young, around the age of 7 to 10 years.

Sticker collection, stamp collection and card collections were my past hobbies that I once enjoyed as a kid. I would be eagerly, saving some of my money to buy some of the stamps, stickers or cards that I like. That was a child's play for me at the start but to maintain a passion towards a hobby, I give my two thumbs up for that person.

Photography is also a good hobby I guess. Nowadays, many people from different parts of the world take pictures to show others what exciting discovery that they had found. Once, I had been to the Geographical Channel auditorium, which was situated in Vivo City. The first time I was there, someone told me that it was boring and should leave immediately. The second time I was there, I finally got to gaze the various pictures, placing in the gallery stands.

When you look at them, they could be just a simple picture but spoke a thousand words in it. I felt that every picture has a story behind it. Every picture has a caption in it, which explains a person of their life lessons. No matter it is a good camera, a bad camera or even a mobile camera. What satisfaction it brings to the photgrapher is what he or she had snapped and to show others what are the little things that people had missed out or fail to understand in life.

However, as time flies, the art or hobby becomes an expensive one. I dare to admit, I like photography, I dont like to take pictures of myself but I like to take the natural wildlife or little things that people do, which brings a smile to all whenever they look at it. I'm not professional and I'm not talented. My shots will always be the same but at least, I have my own perception towards my artistic view on photos.

Looking into some website that contains some pictures, I wonder the photographer took up the hobby as an interest, or for the sake of socializing and putting what they had snapped to display their skills. Skills such as the lighting, the angle and many more. However, with such an expensive hobby, she still had a camera in hand, not hers, probably others. Worst still, I guess a human heart would not compare much, or to be rephrased, worth nothing much to a camera. Cool isn't it?!

Sometimes, hobby is a hobby, neither its expensive or cheap, simple or complicated, its about how you put your heart and soul into one thing and create something that you hope to gain for many years. However, humanity is the role that makes people to take up hobbies and interest. When a relationship is at stake, if you can throw your ties for a hobby, then make sure you make a name for yourself with that hobby and not just doing it for the sake of the fun. In the end, it will meant nothing, when you only appreciate your works but not others.

Saying so much, I'm having this doubt in my mind, whether to get a camera for the sake of photography or just the sake of showing people that you have the equipments to take the best pictures. One told me that she wish to save money as she's a big spender. Guess again, who could stop her since she's addicted to such an expensive hobby. With someone willing to lend her a camera, there she goes with her snapping and that is her supporting stone compared to her previous stones.

I cant afford that person with her demands. She could save a million but come on, I'm depending life on myself, and in future, on the household bills and welfare. I'm not a person who could depend on others for survival, for every damn thing I want and 'poof!' its out. Only you will know your own self whether this hobby suites you or not. Yes, borrowing of camera is one way to get good pictures but think again, never place your hobby on the line with close ties. You will only make people closed to you feeling that you have changed, as well as you are falling face with them as you rather to have someone who could give you anything than nothing.

Materalistic... Thats the word I wish to say... I begin to understand how I was being treated at the end of the day. I dont mention names, I dont point fingers. I wont even shoot anyone in the face to say that, you did this bad thing or what. However, it is a precautious note that many people had saw through it. You dont know about it but you are creating an impression of it. You can say that since people had judged you in this manner so follow it but guess what, you end up to be the one slapping your own self for that.

I never will critise people, or the hobby. Its just that, for some, when you become materalistic, think again. What you have done might not be what others had think of. I'm done and over with it. Photography, once I enjoyed the most but sometimes hurt the most. Yet, it had cause others to have a chance of someone's perception since the start of their expensive hobby.

Is it the good or bad point of view, only one must self reflect their actions before their numb skull would understand how much pain, happiness or hurt they had created via their actions within them. No offence to the sport or to others who might feel offended but these are my thoughts, for what I had been through with no one understands about it.

For once, NICHOLAS TEO WEI TECK had ENOUGH of waiting... I maybe suffering from a GREAT Depression, which I have no idea what is a depression like though I'm sad like crazy, I wont be giving a hack about your life.

Happy?

Dont worry... No suscide ideas in my mind. I wont give you any regrets... I would be stupid to live my life that way.

I DO LOVE YOU BUT DOES IT MATTERS TO YOU?! NOT ANYMORE!

Hence, love someone that is not my character... GO!! GO!! GO!!

My life will be adventurous as ever... with or without you... I've my goals and target... but one thing has make me feel clear about things recently.... I had enough... Not gonna be a monk but I just dont feel like talking to girls anymore...

Soccer... Workout... Swimming Instructor... These are my goals... I will rather be ALONE than being used as a trash bag, being told off when you like... being taken care of when you found some gold inside.

Nothing is perfect in this world, and there is no happy ever endings in life. FACE IT!

(I dreamed of telling someone in my dream all the time, couples who fought and quarrel, dont be like me, ending up in such a state of love life. Well, think again, what should I say that?! I was dumped anyway... Love... No one understands this word at all. Compromising... Thats only when nations fight then the word pops out! Dream... Yeah.. A dream... I think of thousand things to please you again but I will save it. Wasting my effort dont move your cold blooded heart at all. )

(I love you... I will still love you... but its gonna be an end... I did something which I have no point of return. The words and everything... Yes! You find me MAD, and I did... I've gone berserk! I would rather you hate me... than love me... Cos... I never give you happiness ever before... So, HATE ME!! THANK YOU!)

The group from V.E. head to Macritchie Reservior today. I had my day off from James as I wish to do such a fun activity during the weekend, as well as training my stamina in preparation for the CSS Charity Soccer, which falls on next week.

Well, I was as usual, late in the morning but there's a reason behind it. The hydropack bursted. It was perfectly fine when I tested it the last time but this time round, it failed. I checked the seal was closed and nothing should happen at all. Yet, after my shower, I went to my room to find the floor covered with water, my bag was soaked with water and it means alot of mess to clear up. I end up bringing water bottles instead, 2.5 litres.

We gathered at Ang Mo Kio before we set off via bus 74. The journey was short and we started from the canoeing area, which once Ping Ding and I been before during our last Adventure Race. The plan for the day: Conquering Macritchie Reservior and Bukit Timah hill. Yet, we managed to clear only the Macritchie Reservior as some of them were tired.

To be exact, there were 7 people whom had participated in this 'expedition'. Paul, Kah Hong, Xiu Hui, Yi Tian, Yi Tian's brother, Cai Yun and me. A little introduction of Yi Tian's brother, he was quiet in the beginning but he's quite competitive when doing such activity, such as being the first to lead the rest for the route and many more. Well, that was the boost for the team's competitive spirit I guess. With him trying to prevent us from walking in front of him, Kah Hong and I would need to run in order to take the lead.

Muddy trails, slippery slopes, that's all part of the thrill that we hope to experience from this event. No one fall but it could be exhausting for some when it goes to climb up and down the stairs. I was feeling alright with that but it seemed that Yi Tian's brother was giving up, saying 'bye bye' a few times as he had enough of climbing the stairs. Overall, the best thing that I'm glad of was my shin was not hurting when I do all these footwork for nearly 4 hours. It does pay off, understanding how much my legs could take but still, stamina can be improved.

The only thing that shook me badly for today was realising that she was there. To be honest, I do not know that she's having photograpghy in Macritchie Reservior, untill I saw Renesis and gang, in their all blue top. How I noticed them? Easy... Its from a scent that I hate the most that alerted my brain cells. Knowing that someone was smoking around the area, I looked up and yeah, they are there. Luckily, with my sunglasses, I managed to walk away with any detection (probably not, who knows). I guess she saw the rest but I think she did not see me.

Avoiding could be the best thing I could do to avoid detection, then followed by dejection and lastly, rejection. Sounds clueless for many but I have my own reasons for that. Well, that was the start of an uneasy and quiet trip for me. I was moody and was not paying attention to anything except looking at the path I'm walking.

Our 'expedition' ended at 1.30pm and with a short rest, we head back to Ang Mo Kio for our lunch with Benjamin. Since I was sitting with Yi Tian, Yi Tian's brother and Xiu Hui, I know the table would be very quiet. Hence, I was talking alot of crap with Yi Tian's brother, bombing him with weird questions. It was fun for me, especially torturing the kid but well, I guess it was fun knowing him too.

At the end of the day, I declare Macritchie Reservior has been finally conquered. Next stop, Bukit Timah hill. I hope to do it with Ping Ding again, my partner for Adventure Race. I would like to test our limits in climbing up the hill with the fastest speed and time, as well as coming back down. I'm tired right now... but swimming training is later at 7.30pm... Alright, to be fit, I guess I will sacrifice... Haha... Shall rest now...

Lastly, a short curse and swear section; "Know the rules and follow them unless you are illiterate. I dont hate others for what they had done but it does not mean other people would mind."

Thank you... =]

Well, I dont understand why my brain could be so powerful. It seems that even moments such as before I head to bed, when I step into the toilet, or even brushing my teeth, she's just in my mind. Alot of things are still yet to be put down. Maybe she had already put everything down, without remorse and is enjoying her life as she wants. I dont know since there's no communication in between us at this period of time.

I have nothing to say much right now. I can concentrate with my stuff but the image of her still floats in my mind. Let's call that a fantasy illusination then. Great... From a real, perfect human body, I'm trying to fall in love with someone imaginary. Even though the person is for real, I guess imaginary dimension is the only place I could go to when its about love. Alright, what nonsense am I writing. I have no idea what I'm doing now.

Well, my shin is hurting, probably using the wrong muscles during my workout. I used the leg extension few days ago and with the cushion placed on my shin instead of ankle, I kept lifting the weight of 50kg (that's more than my maximum) and till today, my shin is hurting.

More to come this coming week, as well as next week. Bukit Timah hiking for this weekend and Charity Soccer the next. I wish to tell Andy about the stuff for Charity Soccer but I just cant do it. That's because he's not in the team and the truth do hurts when you tell a person about such bad news. Alright, who wants to help me tell him, please MSN me before you do alright.

Oh yeah... The squad for charity soccer is the same as last year's, just that its gonna be little teams participating. I only know that one of the teams was Fairos's team, together with Sion and gang. I'm trying to stay cool with it but there's a strange and feeling within me. Fairos is an S-League player, our Secondary school's top striker... Haix.. Still, like what Jack told me on MSN, take it easy.

I hope it does makes me feel alright. Anyway, I guess she's having her presentation now. All I could do is wish her good luck. I dont dare to message her to avoid damping her feelings again. Other than wishing, I guess Facebook could do the trick. Haix... What life do I gonna go through without her... Right, Ş (someone who's facing the same crap problem with me) ?

Signing off now...

I am very tired now but I guess, things during work are stopping me from feeling sleepy, especially the gym. Not long ago, the gym was filled with a funky smell, which was caused by a spoilt trackmill. This is my first time, seeing smoke rising from the machine, even though no one was running on it. The foul smell was a torture for many gym users as the whole room contains that burning smell of a plastic. It stinks....

Well, heard from Yong Hong that the MRT train had some fault at the moment and it means, going back by bus. He told me he's walking back home from Ang Mo Kio to Woodlands. Hope I could join him later for the long walk. I missed the time when we walked back home together during our Secondary school years after our tuition.

I'm tired. With my flu causing me to have sleepless nights as I hardly could breathe using my nose, I really hope tonight could be a nice day to sleep early. Partly, also because of the chat I had last night, which makes me think about alot of things again. It sucks but seriously, I guess she hates me, so does I hate her. With the hate so deep, I think I could not sleep well, probably she too.

Gosh... I'm tired... Exhausted... wont someone be tired with the hate continues?

I really cant wait for Sunday's hiking at Bukit Timah hill. Woot! Waiting... =]

I'm feeling pretty emotional right now. Yeah... I thought of her again and everything about the past. I just cant forget her even though everyone say that I should give up and start anew. It sounds easy but its extremely hard for me, especially when my love for her is so deep.

While seating on the plain flat seat at the MRT station, memory lane brought me back to the times when I would lie on her shoulder, falling asleep. Although most of the times I went to lalaland, sometimes, I just did that cause its comfortable. The scent from her hair makes her pressence to be felt, making you falling into her trap of love. As I slowly grabbed her hand, her smooth skin makes you want to hold her hand every minute of your life.

Until today, she must be mad about me, for saying all the nasty things that I mentioned within a night and all hell break loose. I am neither romantic or caring. All I know is to nag, nag and nag that my girlfriend hate me to the core. When I say about the wild imaginations that had casted into me, it pissed her off. Now, I'm missing her every single minute, day after day. Life was miserable for the soon-to-be 6 weeks but I still try to move on.

She might read this post but she will not be unmove I guess. Every time when I contact her, I would not know what her feeling was. It makes me crazy whenever I think of her. I feel like slapping myself, probably getting hanged for all the sins that I've done to her but that would change her mind and attitude towards me.

I missed you for the past weeks, have you? I really love you, loving you till I'm feeling like the future lies no other route for me at the moment. You may be the only source to light up my path. Yet, you will be the one who will definitely lead me to the next chapter of my life journey.

I love you, and other than sorry, I just cant say other things. You never want to listen to what I said and I will always be there to say sorry, admiting all my mistakes. That's because I dont wish to loose you. Why should we quarrel over small matters and not talking peacefully. I was at the wrong this time. I know that...

Could you spare a thought for what we had been through for the past, where we learn to forgive each other's mistakes and continue to improve our relationship? I guess now is the beginning and understanding each other would take more than years. You are just like another part of my life, a soul partner, a life supporter... You make me understand what is love, to be love and what a couple should do.

Just like a father in many stories, the father is missing the mother when she left. It was like being a widow for many years. All the father wish to say was, 'Dear, I love you, could you please come back...' and he cried...

Strange... Things could be very different between dreams and reality. Whatever comes into my mind, the vision between these two dimensions seemed to show a big contrast of each other.

In the dream, whether it is an illusion or an image formed in a clear state of mind, I see myself facing her, eye to eye, discussing the issues and problems that we had encountered that result to the past 5 weeks of silence between us. I was talking to her calmly and was quite hot-tempered at times when explaining my feelings to her.

She would just be sitting on the chair, looking at me and felt that I was a nag in the beginning. However, after saying the truth, nothing but the truth to her, she begin to understand that a relationship needs both hands to clap and not always one at all times. She begin to tear, I start to console, and we were all back together again. Sound simple and pleasing but persuading her was very difficult. Yet, as what I had meant, its all but a dream that has formed in my mind during the many days of sleep since we seperated.

In reality, when it was time to faced her, I had that really strange feeling in me. Although I saw her in school once, I did not want her to see me, knowing that it would affect her mood again. I avoided her without knowing if she did notice my pressence or not.

Thinking that everything is alright, it seemed we still get to meet each other again. I head down to Yishun to meet Eugene and gang for a meal around 9 plus. My footsteps brought me to the bus interchange in fast pace but once I stepped into the bus interchange, my heart begin to feel funny. It was that sinking feeling that tells my mind that what am I gonna do if I get to see her. Yet, all I could do was to laugh myself for having deep thoughts once again.

I saw the bus that we once took to her place. Memories filled up in me, knowing that such a thing would not happen again. With no sight of her in the queue, I board the bus with a half-hearted mind, knowing the impossible is the fact of reality. I scanned my card, head turned to the right and she was there, in front of me, reading her manga comics and listening to her own music, with her headphones placed on long straighten hair, which covered her eyes.

I was stunned, shock and was making my way till I was standing beside her seat. Although there was this guy seating next to her, she did not notice that I was next to her. What am I supposed to do? Wave at her? Say 'Hi'? What if she gets angry again and have the wrong idea that I was tailing her? Wild imaginations choked my mind and stirring my stable emotions.

Suddenly, I saw her yawn while reading. There's an urge within me to go next to her, cover her mouth, like what I always did whenever she's tired. Snapping back to reality, I told myself that I must be nuts for doing that as she should not be seeing me after all. I was standing behind, looking at her backview, getting confused of my actions if she alighted the bus. She alighted and I alighted too (my destination was also near her house).

She never notice me even when she alighted from the bus. She was walking very fast but I just have the feeling of following her, like what I always did in the past while sending her home. I followed and soon enough, she turned around and saw me. I was startled but in my heart, I have many things to pour out from my mind.

I tried to talk but I was shivering. Shivering in fear? In excitement? I was not sure but I was like a dumb dork who seemed to have my tongue twisted. I asked about her NAPFA but did not know what she had really scored, only that she had passed. I asked about her kneecap but she say it was alright. I wanted to send her home but she just want to go home alone. I could not find the right sentences to continue the conversation. All I could do was look into her eyes and she looked back at me. She's tired, I know that, totally exhausted from the NAPFA test. I just told her to rest well and wish to walk away.

Suddenly, I just grabbed her hand, to have that missing feeling that I long to have from her for the very last time. Two seconds was all I had and she shoved it off. I missed her small hand, which once clasped to my hand for comfort, for security. I really missed the hug that I always long to have whenever I see her or sending her home. I missed her voice even though little words were spoken during our short meet up.

When I say the word 'bye', she was yet the one who walked quickly to the lift and without looking back. My heart sanked, as deep as the oceans which humans rarely get to been through. I walked to the area which I was meeting the rest of my gang but with tears filled up my eyes. I was sad, really sad. I was getting insane and I have no idea how it gonna be solved. I wish to cry out loud but I dont wish to create a din for the public to see that. I need comfort but I need to stay strong no matter what. Sobs... Thats all I could do that period of time. Tear, I could only wipe but need to force myself from showing any signs of redish and wet eyes I had when meeting the rest, to avoid them from knowing what happened.

Till now, I'm still thinking that my dream would not be a reality after all. I'm always be the one waiting for her reply. Yet, will she understand how I'm feeling for the past 5 weeks? I really have no idea. Life without her was alright but there's a layer of crack in the core of my heart. Does she have the same crack as mine when she left with an abrupted decision she made? I have no idea unless she's willing to open up her feelings again.

I long for the day when you could just hold my hand again. I long for the moment where you could hug me again with your small palms. I really long to hear the three small yet mighty words from you again which I had to wait for many weeks or months to hear that phrase again.

I really missed you, do you know that? (我很想你，你知道吗？）

I saw her today, preparing for her next segment of her NAPFA test, which is the shuttle run. I wish to walk up to there, just walk past her but it seemed that I cant do so. I dont have the courage to do it and neither will she want to notice my pressence too.

I only worry about her kneecap, especially when she had to do her standing broad jump and after that, her run for 2.4km. Her knee ligaments are not strong enough, probably of her past injury or she need to build up her mass muscles around her kneecap, strengthen them to lessen the pain. How did she fare for today? I'm not sure.

I end up walking outside the stadium, not trying to cause her to lose her focus and concentration to perform the best for her NAPFA test. Whether she notice me or not, its not important anymore. Like what Eugene and Kah Hong had mentioned to me, supporting her from the heart is what I can only do at the moment. It hurts when limits caused me to do little things for her.

I wish she did get a Gold... I wish she did manage to finish her NAPFA unhurt. Last but not least, I wish she could get more confidence of herself from this NAPFA test and by 30th May, where she gonna take her Sundown Marathon, she could be ready and be able to motivate herself, to complete the 42km run without giving up.

I wish... I just wish... Well... wish... her good luck...

Right now, I'm in the office, having nothing to do at the moment and I'm typing my blog entry. I'm feeling tired, vex and clueless. Probably having a lack of sleep last night, I'm still feeling exhausted.

Within the next 6 hours, or maybe the next 12 hours, I must make up my mind, make a decision that may affect my lifestyle for the next 5 years ahead; to sign on or not. Yes, this is considered to be the most difficult question as I'm not so sure what the hack life is during National Service. I'm unsure of the training procedures, how tough it is and what the hack would I be doing.

Mum kept pestering me to make up my mind but actually, she was just wanting me to sign on and attend University instead. I mean, there's no need to rush but it seemed that she had made up her mind. As a soon-to-be 21 young adult, I have my own decisions to make. However, I do totally agree that I'm indecisive at times, having a hard time to compare what I really want and what I hope to get.

Mum insisted me to sign for SPF (Singapore Police Force). I have no idea is it good or not but one thing is for sure, I do have the passion for it but how long will it last and will my expectations match up with what I will be doing in the future? Since young, at the age of 5, I really wished I could be a police officer. Yet, during my secondary school days, I failed to enter NPCC as my CCA. Sad isnt it?!

Well, here, back to the same story, the same problem. To sign up or not? 5 years... Should I? What are my future goals anyway? I have no idea but knowing that if I am approved by NTU for Sport Science Management or N.I.E., I wont mind. Bond... That is a difficult choice, a difficult option to choose from.

Overall, I'm physically alright, mentally not good, all because of my emotionally unstable conditions. Not feeling depressed or what but I'm feeling moody and seemed that I'm falling sick. Yes, sick... 相思病...

Now I know the reason for what caused the problem, I hope everything can be back normal again. I'm an over-sensitive creature whom is hot tempered and crappy at times. Always thinking alot of things but never think before I say a thing. Yet, I feel that you should stop me instead of letting me to continue the misunderstanding. You always let me think more rather than convince me more.

A month had past... Life is like a routine everyday. Work, work and work. I'm trying to put everything aside via work but it makes me moody whenever I think about her. Sucks isnt it?! I should concentrate on working instead of thinking of people. ZZzzz.... I just missed her... =(

Life is full of sickness. Humans are the ones who had more toxins compared to other animals. Humans are the ones who had more diseases than other animals.

For me, the few scratches that I have was nothing much for yesterday. However, for the one whom I known and who is suffering from a more serious pain than me, I hope you are feeling well.

I may not be a christian but I do want to make a silent prayer for him.

如果上帝能体验我心目中的搭告，我希望你能保护一个人的性命，让他早日康复。不是为了我和他的友情，而是为他的家人搭告。

人的一生中就是那么地脆弱。可是家里的孩子和妻子都在等着他回来。

家庭，快乐，亲情，都是从家人所赐的爱和关怀。让他活下去，就是你唯一能给的礼物，来带给别人的幸福。

上帝能再给她力量来生存下去，就是大家想实现的愿望。

你听见了吗？看见了吗？感觉到了吗？

在最后的感激和慈悲的保佑，希望他能好起来。Amen...

When the whole of Singapore is enjoying their public holiday; Labour Day; where would most Singaporeans go to? I have no idea to my question but I guess, we did have an idea as the seniors of the V.E. peeps went to ice skate at Kallang Liesure Park.

It was Cherrie's idea, plus I had not been playing ice skating for nearly 4 to 5 years, so I guess its time for me to enjoy the fun. Well, everyone were having fun that afternoon. Although some do not know how to skate but they still had fun. Well, at least their falls were not as worst as mine, who got deep cuts at my right elbow. It hurts but that was part of the risk of a sport. In the end, the staff at the ice skating area helped me to patch my wound. Thanks a million dude!

Once the 2 hour session of ice skating ends, we went to the city area to have Ben and Jerrys. Everyone had a cone except for Yvonne. Everyone just feel like eating all day long, which ends up with us heading to different places such as Macdonalds and then to Starbucks to fill our mouths, hydrate ourselves and chat till the late night. It has not been such a day since we had a good chat for many months.

Mentioning about chats, I felt that being in a relationship seemed to be very difficult. Men and women from both sides felt that there's no right and wrong for anything that happened. Things such as 'men are right when they always say sorry since the girl will still be upset no matter what they say' and 'girls always want their guy to know what they are feeling yet without voicing out their opinions', are all totally true. Its just that both women and men have different thitnking and its hard to understand each other.

Yet, throughout the entire day, alot of things are still in my mind. Everything was about her and me. Eating ice cream was only about Strawberry Cheesecake. I ate that as I want to feel the feeling of the previous time when we share her favourite ice cream together. Yes, its a girl's flavour but... the taste can be bitter even though it is sweet.

I just wish we could be back together again. Its not about changing but also, to accept each other's mistakes and habits. Its been a month already but I can say it firmly that you are still in my mind. I've tried accepting yours, could you try to accept mine? How I wish... the answer could be yes... but...