Initially, I am supposed to help Dad to burn the incense papers at the grass patch below my block but due to some circumstances, it resulted to a failure and in that instant, I exploded. Yes, Nicholas Teo Wei Teck went insane again.

Reflecting back, it all happened because I was preparing the incense papers and I placed it onto the wet grass patch due to the continuous downpour. I know the papers would be wet but by lighting those up quickly, everything would be settled fast. I was wrong. The lighter wasn’t working. Pressing the button umpteen times but it wouldn’t work. I carried the wet stake of papers up to my house, changed the lighter (out of 5 lighters, only 1 was working) and down to the void deck to burn the papers. This time round, the papers won’t burn.

I had enough! I called my Mum and informed her about it. I was superbly angry. Mum could hear how agitated I am and told me to bring the whole stake up again. I told her, it was a stupid idea that Dad wanted me to do. I reached home, placed the stuff outside and called Dad, informed him about the matter. Dad laughed but I didn’t find it funny. I was still pissed. Damn…

I put down the phone and threw it hard to the sofa. Seeing the swissball nearby, I just gave it a hard kick, as if I was in a soccer match, aiming the ball at the opponent instead to the goal. I was really mad. I felt like punching the wall but it won’t help to ease my anger.

That’s when I asked myself, why should I always follow people’s stupid ideas or recommendations?! For the past 2 years, it’s always I pleasing their suggestions, resulting to my stupidity towards things. Why? Stupidity made me regret a lot of things.

"笨就是笨!!! 为何！为何！我是笨，还是傻，还是我就是没用过大脑的人！"
"为何我会那么笨，要去做些别人叫我做的事情，但没用过大脑去想自己做的是对是错。"
"为何我会那么笨，会给一个我不认识的人，骗了自己的钱，还亏我是个知法人员。"
"为何我会那么笨，当自己的女朋友说分手，而我傻傻地答应。"
"为何我是那么笨，去相信每个人所说的话，以为全都是真的。"
"我真的是大笨蛋。。。"

I'm still angry but there's nothing I could do about all these things. I probably just want to rest since I'm feeling tired of everything.

Never will I ever believe in what others say. Never will I believe in certain stuff again. I will learn to toy with them rather than cherish them.

Today... I just wanted to be alone. I wish to have someone's accompany, but never mind. I dont want to hurt another person's feeling, like how I hurt "Randomised D" again.

To "Randomised D", sorry.

I recieved a call earlier and when I looked onto the phone screen, the first alphabat "K" says it all; work. There must be some issues that I failed to settle or something must be very wrong.

Picking up the call and true enough, another silly yet major mistake that I've made. Another reason to prove my incapability to the job? I don't know.

Now, I'm feeling worried and sorry for the person who took over me. Gosh.. What mess have I created. Its not one but two mistakes. Yeah, you learnt your lessons through mistakes but in the working world, that is not a good point to reason your wrongs.

The team will be meeting out tomorrow for a buffet lunch yet I felt so lousy. I wonder what the rest would be asking regarding the matter. I just don't feel like showing up and face any one of them.

Now i understood why many said not to talk about work when you're relaxing. I don't feel like talking about it. I just feel sick of it, especially now, when i'm sick, physically and mentally..

Sick due to these following symptoms -
- cough
- sorethroat
- work

Sucks... =\

Is there is a need to get flare up after hearing the right stuff? Or is it because you just dont like to hear the right stuff and you want things to be done in your way? Even if you prefer to do things in your way, I'm so sorry, sir, things would not change just because of you..

In two months, I recieved two "compliments" from others. Unlike to the first incident, this time round, it was directed to the elites of the elites. Fairness... this word does not seemed to be justified, after knowing what the hack has been happening recently.

"Compliments", they are good when it helps you to build up your daily experience and learning. It sucks when it is informed to others and they made a big "Woo~Haa" about it.

Anyway, I just cant be bothered. If the worst comes, I would just have to rise my right hand, swear the oath and allow the rest to listen to what I have to say. I just cant believe it that when we are supposingly working as a team, you would rather cover your arse than protecting your mates. Selfish act of one.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Then, there goes another one, with one says, "...

• You’d think i want to hide cause i don’t want others to know?
• You think it’s so easy to pretend nothing’s going on?
• Go find out EVERYTHING first, before you start coming to a conclusion that...

..." and there, it ended.

Well, I'm not bothered on what had happened or will I spend my time finding out everything. Some doubts were already answered long time ago.

That's all I could say.

1. A present from your best childhood buddy
2. Meeting up old pals that I haven't been meeting up at Swensons (VJ & Gang)
3. Wearing kid's mask at Swensons; Woody and Wu-Liao
4. 3 birthday cakes for me to clear in the next few days - 2 Strawberries 1 Mango
5. To know my first birthday greeting was from Jimmy (older than me by 4 days)
6. Catching the World Cup Finals between SPAIN and HOLLAND!
7. Recieving a birthday greeting from the person you missed the most - you
8. A simple yet happy buffet with pals (Kian Wee & Wincent)
9. Eating a buffet till I fall asleep - too tired
10. Being a shopaholic for a day
11. Your jeans zip to give way while shopping =.=
12. Getting a new pair of black Zara jeans - a gift for myself
13. To Voice Ensemble and sing my hearts out
14. Having my goal achieved, thanks to efforts from my buddies and family
15. A bicycle to ride to work in future - WHHHHHEEEEE!
16. Saying more 'Thank you' than 'Sorry' for the time being
17. Smile till my mouth cramp
18. Recieving 155 birthday wishes via Facebook
19. To reply every comment in Facebook which takes 1 hour
20. Dress nicely for once in a lifetime
21. Going out with a good look, espcially the hair
22. Just being myself all this while

1711hrs; in MRT train towards Novena

Surrounded by aunties and uncles in the crowded train, in front of me was a young chap and gal, sitting next to each other.

They looked as if they are friends but looking at the chap's behaviour, there was something that shows more about his heart. He was shy while talking, and wasn't as expressive as the gal.

They continued to chat until one point, the gal slided her fingers to the chap's hand, and gripped his hand gently. The guy smiled, the gal blushed. What couarge the gal had!!

Slowly, the gal tilted her head and lie on the guy's broad shoulder. Though it wasn't that comfortable, the gal don't seemed to mind. The guy just kept quiet but he must be feeling that he's the most fortunate guy of the world at that point of time, I think.

I admired by the guts of the gal but I'm more amazed by what actually took place in front of me. True love, live, in front of you!! I just looked at the couple and smiled without trying to alarm them.

It makes other couples to have the urge to cuddle their partners. It makes those who had just ended one to miss their previous darlings. It makes those singlehood fellows to have the urge of falling in love... Ooooooooo.. So romantic!!

Ignore about the fact for not giving up their seats for the elderly but admire the passionate of 'love' right in front of your very eyes instead.

Lesson learnt; love do exist, and it's proven. =]

Every incident that occurs hides a reason behind it. The past few days had been rain and shine for me. However, from these experiences, this is how I learn to cultivate habits and gaining experiences through lessons of life through every single person that I know, talk to, met with and work with recently.

Earlier on, while browsing through the blogs, I finally found out the reason why a friend had been busy with work and stuff. Well, she had a new sweetheart! That’s cool! No disapproval about that but sadly, there was this silly guy who once tried wait for my friend but he never gets to know the truth. The fact that she hid it from others caused the other to carry false hopes, especially when he recalled the many things she once mentioned (of course, since I know him too) such as not getting steady so soon and so on. Yet, TA-DA! It happened. I guess that guy must be pretty hurt if he knows this. I can’t help but I guess, he will understand. Knowing the one you care to be taken care by the one she loved is not a bad thing actually.

I just felt… why there must a need to hide things from others. If she or he is the one you like, love or cherish, be brave to let others know. That is why, after a year plus of singlehood, I’ve get to learn more about myself. I learnt that I’m a person who rather let people know about such stuff than hiding it. I learnt a couple would not be like one if they don’t act like one, and since not acting like one, they will not last as simple issues cause hearts to withdraw. Yes, the truth hurts to know if one day, the gal or guy you like had actually hide something from you, or did something that they once promised to you that they would never do it. However, what could you do then since it had happened? Hence, that silly guy must live with that fact. =] Jia you.

Work was quite rocky lately but after spending 12 hours at a new working environment, perception towards a person’s learning and attitude changes. I reflected on the 3 types of training I received from 3 seniors on each area of duty and I found out that I am actually not a lousy learner. To be more in-depth, I am a learner who requires some spoon-feeding and plenty of encouragement. This is some things that I have understood from the 3 types of learning methods.

1) Tells you the mistakes you have made before any shit happens to you. Ask you some questions that are the basics to your duties.

Overall: I was able to learn smoothly, with certain hiccups and required plenty of reminders but I learnt to look things positively in every difficulty I had to face.

2) Never tells you a single shit until you have completed everything and when you’re being told, you realized that you had fallen into a deeper huge piece of gigantic shit. When ask for help, it was as if there is no point asking after all. Never encourage you but will be an irritating person, saying out the mistakes and would tell you to find the damn answer by yourself, even though you are lost throughout.

Overall: LOST! That’s the reply I could give. Asking becomes a burden. Performing tasks seemed like a drag. The atmosphere of the environment seemed like a cemetery, dead and quiet and when you speak, it gives the impression that the devil will haunt you and shut you up. Hate it.

3) Will guide you throughout and all you need to do is look, listen, joint down notes and experience it yourself. You may become a burden if you messed up the work but you are given the chance to try and learn from your mistakes.

Overall: I managed to learn quite a number of stuff and seriously, I maybe in a suck up situation but I was given a chance to take full control and getting encouragement and guidance after what has been done.

I like to work with the team and to be honest, one of the best teams I wish to work with for long. Yet, with myself cant adopting some teachings via stupid, insensible methods; I wonder how I would survive the storm to pass my probation. Guess, under the ‘BO BIAN’ act, I gonna live with it. Just bear with the attitudes of certain personnel and hope 12 hours past as soon as possible, whereas for the learning part, I rather ask others than asking the cocky ones. =P

Hence, I believe living with it will build up our maturity towards life problems, allowing you to be wiser with your decisions. I do not know what shit I’m gonna get from now onwards, I just prefer to live life with my own rules. Shit whatever happens recently and live life to the fullest. Damn…

The best thing that humans always want from nature is to have it not too much and yet not too little. Like earlier in the wee hours, there was a drizzle around the North area. Its not a downpour, rather than a humid night.

Cycling in the drizzle was comfortable. I didnt perspire at all. I was taking my own sweet time cycling to Sembawang to meet Eugene to watch Spain vs Paraguay. Throughout the thru and flo of the journey, inclusive of the wonderful environment, its good to sing a few songs while listening to my I-Touch and start to ponder of the many things that had happened within the past week.

Thinking of issues that made me pissed...
Thinking of incidents that make me smile...
Reflecting on history that reminds me of who am I for today...
Reflecting the meaning of life due to certain crisis faced while on shift...
Learning to move on from where I have started...
Learning to go on with what has ended...
Trying to group back the missing jigsaw puzzles of understanding a mate...
Trying to overwhelm my heart with hate from what I learnt from a mate...

Blah... Blah... Blah... 30 minutes, to and fro, thinking so much stuff at one go. I hope I'm feeling the peace for now.

Definitely!! After having 26 hours without sleeping, listening to rantings and mixture of feelings... Of course, not forgetting 2 wonderful soccer matches which I watched at Macdonalds today, its time to rest!!

More stuff to do tomorrow... Gonna visit God-Granny as she's having her birthday tomorrow, as well as visiting 姨婆, who would need to go for immediate surgery very soon. I have no idea how serious it is but hope everything is fine.

Oh!!! Plus, Sister gonna help me do facial later evening! Time to enjoy and relax. =]

If you think you can make it, then, you are wanted!!

I wish to watch the "Twilight: Eclispe" but guess what, if all guys are watching, then it sounds gay. Wish to date gals out but dont feel like disturbing them.

Hence, to friends whom I know and who does visit my blog, if you are willing to watch Eclispe with me, probably next week during my off days (can be discussed), please SMS or comment me via Facebook.

Whether it is one gal or a bunch.... Eh.... I think one or two will be good enough. Please bring this boring and shy young adult together with you to the movies.

Well, he just dont like watching movies alone. That's why... =]