Initially, I am supposed to help Dad to burn the incense papers at the grass patch below my block but due to some circumstances, it resulted to a failure and in that instant, I exploded. Yes, Nicholas Teo Wei Teck went insane again.

Reflecting back, it all happened because I was preparing the incense papers and I placed it onto the wet grass patch due to the continuous downpour. I know the papers would be wet but by lighting those up quickly, everything would be settled fast. I was wrong. The lighter wasn’t working. Pressing the button umpteen times but it wouldn’t work. I carried the wet stake of papers up to my house, changed the lighter (out of 5 lighters, only 1 was working) and down to the void deck to burn the papers. This time round, the papers won’t burn.

I had enough! I called my Mum and informed her about it. I was superbly angry. Mum could hear how agitated I am and told me to bring the whole stake up again. I told her, it was a stupid idea that Dad wanted me to do. I reached home, placed the stuff outside and called Dad, informed him about the matter. Dad laughed but I didn’t find it funny. I was still pissed. Damn…

I put down the phone and threw it hard to the sofa. Seeing the swissball nearby, I just gave it a hard kick, as if I was in a soccer match, aiming the ball at the opponent instead to the goal. I was really mad. I felt like punching the wall but it won’t help to ease my anger.

That’s when I asked myself, why should I always follow people’s stupid ideas or recommendations?! For the past 2 years, it’s always I pleasing their suggestions, resulting to my stupidity towards things. Why? Stupidity made me regret a lot of things.

"笨就是笨!!! 为何！为何！我是笨，还是傻，还是我就是没用过大脑的人！"
"为何我会那么笨，要去做些别人叫我做的事情，但没用过大脑去想自己做的是对是错。"
"为何我会那么笨，会给一个我不认识的人，骗了自己的钱，还亏我是个知法人员。"
"为何我会那么笨，当自己的女朋友说分手，而我傻傻地答应。"
"为何我是那么笨，去相信每个人所说的话，以为全都是真的。"
"我真的是大笨蛋。。。"

I'm still angry but there's nothing I could do about all these things. I probably just want to rest since I'm feeling tired of everything.

Never will I ever believe in what others say. Never will I believe in certain stuff again. I will learn to toy with them rather than cherish them.

Today... I just wanted to be alone. I wish to have someone's accompany, but never mind. I dont want to hurt another person's feeling, like how I hurt "Randomised D" again.

To "Randomised D", sorry.