Ever wonder what it feels like to make your first step into this world? Ever wonder what it feels like to make your first contact with another human being when you’re out of the womb? Or maybe, ever wonder how it feels when your heart stops abruptly, yet knowing that there are many things which you still yet to try.

I wonder how it feels, if it fall upon me, or the reaction of others towards me.

Do I feel pain? Do I feel fear, happy or sad?

How about the people around me?

My family members, my relatives, my close friends, my school mates, my colleagues; what would they feel?

It’s so hard to believe that this person came into the world; our world; and in 11 days of going through what a human does – breathe, hear, smell, probably feel and sight, her life just turned upside down like a tsunami that flooded Hawaii. Similar to demolishing the buildings in the town with a single wave, the nightmare had erased many wonderful dreams and memories that she could hardly remember in her tiny mind at that moment.

Attending to her at her bedside, nothing could describe how I felt. It was a sight of despair. Every breath taken in the room showed the determination of the many little ones who wants to live on. Sadly, she had given up.

When I first saw the young lady who had acknowledged the little one’s existence at the start of her birth, I thought she had shown some remorse for what had happened. Unfortunately; seeing is believing; and the young lady was as cheerful as ever, showing no concern to what had happened. She showed no instincts of a caretaker who would risk her life to protect the little one.

No words could describe the sadness that filled in my sympathetic heart to the little one but this sadness shortly turned into rage of anger when I discovered the actions of the young lady to be not genuine. Shame on her, and I felt like giving her a knock-out punch to ensure that her conscious was awake but nothing could be done. In my current position, I can’t.

I maybe emotional but seriously, a lesson was learnt. If you love someone, and you are willing to do anything with her, always take a step back, reflect. Reflect what others would think if you made an action to show how much you love, care or desire.

Most importantly, if you are not willing to give a damn about the outcome, please! Don’t let the innocent suffer. If you are ready and willing to do it and bear the consequences, then I have nothing to say but promised, not to hurt others in the process but learn to protect them, with your heart and soul.

For now, my prayers go to the little one; the little dove that heads to the Lord. I’m no Christian but I hope all goes well for her next adventure to life.

Packed schedules and commitments make it harder for me to breathe. The hectic work during the month of March and April was a killer, causing me to lose track of my priorties, relaxation and fun.

Luckily, my trip to Hong Kong and Macau during March was long planned to ease myself from all these stress. Imagine you are away from work, away from any problems that is in relation to work. Unfortunately, my Sister told me that I was a workaholic that I end up performing my core duties as a good fellow while I was in Hong Kong. I'm too engrossed with work I guess. =.="

Well, when I thought that I could enjoy myself when I'm back into the group, I was wrong. The first wrong step was made when I made a decision to do the right thing by going through the left way. You can call it "lucky" but sometimes I don't understand what's the seriousness of doing the left way in solving a problem. Isn't it what they call it, "think out of the box?"

They implement rules for the lazy, for the idiots, for the spoilers, yet they encourage people to be more creative, to be professional, to be street smart. Then, why with the rules to tie people down? That's sounds like a contradicting statement issued by the 'hunks' and 'babes' of that society class.

I know that I was in the wrong, and deserved the obstacles I'm gonna go through for that grevious dumb mistake that was done. Yet, I still believed my own philosophies. I guess, they don't mind losing a man through a low BP than a person who got out of his restrictions.

Worst, the past is always brought up to condemn oneself from moving forward. You want to improve but with your memories all about the past, why can't you just admit it that you can't put the past aside and accept that you're getting old, probably senile in the future when we grow or mature. Plus, I can cope with the past crap senario that was given. I didn't ask for a reformation of the environment change. It was implemented by the 'hunks' and babes' and not me, Fool.

Seriously, I'm having a great diet lately with 2 meals per day due to the weird schedule that I had to go through each month. Change after change. I had lack of sleep by sacrificing them for sports, especially after a night's out. 30 hours without sleep to do something you like, each week? You think its cool? Yeah, I'm now known by my buddies as 'Mr Ultraman' but its super tiring to save the world with fatigue, stress and irregular monthly torture.

I had explained what I wish to say to the people who feels the burden for my actions. Like it, hate it, all I could say is that I don't mind being looked down. I never think myself highly but if I am one of the worst person in the group, then let me be. At least I shall be the role model to others that they should learn not to follow.

Retards... ZZzzz.. I have done with my saying... See ya in the "court room" while I face my judgement day in front of the eyes of the jury as you decide my fate towards justice, Judge.

"Spears and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." - Anonymous