I had a deep cut on my left sole of my feet. It's actually not a serious injury but I got it while playing a game of water captains ball for the Home Team Healthy Lifestyle event.

I tried to hit the ball away and I jumped up high, and landed onto a metal rod which was inside the water, resulting direct contact. I was bleeding profusely but the blood stops gradually. However, the pain doesn't.

Suddenly, a whole lot of things came into my mind. It reminds me of that moment when I was still with Auntie Emily, where I was supposed to bring her for fish spa but she told me she had suffered a deep cut on her sole of her feet. I was frustrated that she didn't tell me about the cut but she assured me that she was fine. That fateful day, we went for Prawning instead.

Now, the pain was not worst as before but each time I looked at the scar, the same historical images will shuttered across my mind. Auntie Emily's smile will remain in me for that short moment. The feeling of missing someone was so strong that I realized how weak I was when I told myself that its time to forget her.

Sadly, she is always in my mind no matter where I go. I still love her I guess. Yet, she is not by my side any longer. If I could have a second chance, I'm willing to do a better job as her guy but I can't accept the pain that I had inflicted her during the past, that i will have no guts to continue that mission impossible task.

Jeremy told me umpteen times that in order to move on, the first thing he gonna do to my room is to throw that puzzle picture that Auntie Emily had done for me for my birthday. Of course!! No way!!

I guess, no one can really replace this girl who is the one that makes me dream of a better life, a better future and a desire to ensure that life - is to live happily ever after.

Auntie Emily, hope you're doing fine even though you don't read these words of truth from a Uncle's heart. 

I missed her, deeply, I just realized.

Time flies and it's the day when I grow by a year. How I wish that time could paused for a moment, let me have a breather before I continue my journey of mankind.

If you ask me, what are the wishes that you have made for your birthday? I would still say, same as usual. Its always about wishing the people around me to stay healthy and happy at all times. 

The truth is, I didn't really make a proper wishing for myself this year. I have find it pointless to do so. No idea for that but throughout the year, its all about heart aches and pain. It's always about work, friends and home that I realized, I'm not doing anything for my own sake.

Wanting to stay fit, I trained hard but end up, a back injury stops me from moving on further. Wanting to love a person and start afresh, I tried to meet new people but do not have the courage and mentality to accept another. Only a phrase describes me:  a piece of shit.

To be honest, I'm happy that many of my friends celebrated my birthday. The diving crew and athletes had sang a birthday song for me. Singthesis fellows had a cake for me. VJ, Jeremy and gang held a steamboat for me. Simin and Jeremy had brought me to the fish spa to relax... Appreciated with thanks.

Yet again, never did I feel comfortable throughout the whole experience as there were a few stupid incidents that took place these days. The renting of car under Jeremy's name, the clinger feeling that I faced in and off the diving event, not forgetting that I had fall sick during the process. Sucks to the core.

I have no idea what lies in the future. I only thing that I know right now is I'm currently fighting on without a purpose. There's no motivation for me to move on in life. The only key to these answers is to find it by myself and only me, who can bring myself to see what lies the future of mine.

I'm just finding everything meaningless for now. Sorry but Nicholas may be smiling but he has no idea why he is doing so, probably to entertain many others, as a tool of anger and sadness for others.

Nicholas, the puppet, has arrived.