These days I think I have problems with me. If you are my roommate, I think you would be thinking I am the weirdest person with the strangest character. Not trying to criticise myself or what but these days, I think I'm missing soccer every now and then. Each morning, I would wake up and started to juggle my soccer ball. Just juggle a few times, off I go for my bath. Never mind. After that, I would be doing things very slowly... Late for this meeting and that meeting. Alright... Although I did continue with my learning process for the coming exams, I was still having some problems in me. For instance, I could be banging anything around me as well. I know that the thing was in front of me, very obvious but yet, I could just bang on it. What the...

I went to Xin Ni's house last night to study. As usual, I wasnt feeling that good when I chat with her Dad as her Dad would be testing me a few things, which I could have a problem answering. That night, her Dad asked me 'What course are you studying?? What modules are you learning...' Once I said the word 'Marketing', I realised I had stepped on the wrong path. Next question he asked was 'Tell me some of the strategies of Marketing...' GOOD GAME!!! I was stunned... speechless... Haix... I can answer many things, quite a number but not studies please... NO!!

While studying, I was quite clumsy all the time. I entered the room and I banged the table. I took a pen and my hand hit the edge of the table. Thinking that my 'Banging' incident was over, I dont think so. After studies, I went home to rest and I wanted to take off my lenses so I went to the washroom in my Mum's bedroom. The whole room was dark and Mum and Sister were sleeping so I dont want to swtch on the lights to distract them. Yet, I walked forward and I banged on the fan in front of me. Haix... A never ending of Bangs for me I guess. I could bang on the same spot for 2 times so I dont think it would stop after all. Haha...

"Why can you be kind and sympathise with others, yet pushed me down even further when I was in that exact same position?" That is the question that I had just read from a friend's blog, which seems to be refering to me. All I could say that... For the past 2 to 3 years, I started to learn, as well as mature. From a kid to a teen and a young adult, I learnt alot of things, alot... I remembered that in the past, I dont like my sister at all. However, as I grew, I realised that people around me are important to me, so as you. I could be a mean person in the past but things have changed. After our seperation for 3 years or so, I have develop to be a person with stronger determination. A thirst for success is in me and I wont give up at all to see myself or my team to face defeat. After engaging in the Sports world, I have look upon the vision of becoming a better sportsman, though I'm not completely one.

Maturity grows and in the past, mistakes are made. I could cause alot of pain to you during that time but still, I could tell you this, I do care for you too, so dont feel such negative thoughts about me... Hehe... I could tell everyone to smile but the thing, no one smiles... I could tell everyone jokes to ease the pressure but the thing is, its either not funny or the joke is too 'cold'. I could be a clown in front of everyone to make their day to be better but the thing is, would they bother?? I dont know. Right now, I live my life with my own rules and thanks to Ms Lee, my good friends from 5E3 and 4N3,V.J. and gang and many many more, my passion towards soccer starts to grow and I understand what's important in life. I always tell myself money isnt the important factor in life but brothers like Yong Hong and Chin Wah tells me that money is important as it provides your family with a better life. I now agree on that but to me, I still live the life that I always want...

More importantly, I have goals to achieve. I have roles to play in other people's life; the role a a good brother for my Sister, Mum and Dad, role as a good student in front of my classmates, and role of a sportsman, who would not pick on fights if any defeats is met. I could move along but I do agree, the pain is still in me. I'm human and humans have emotions. If you think I'm not feeling anything, then you can call me a 'retard' or 'idiot' the next time you chat with me online. Even if you are sad and your path is moving upwards and downwards, move on, my girl... I believe you have a life of your own now, with a happy partner that is willing to be with you for the rest of your life. While for me, as I always say, dont worry... I'm alright with things although its quite stressful. I could have a new relationship or what in BGR but one thing that I wish to tell you is that... I last BGR was 3 years ago??!! Wow... I'm quite old for such things I guess. Haha...

Remember, a person's life is always full of regrets and remorse but it still depends on that person to change his or her thoughts. I could be remorse or regretful but am I willing to move on, and be a better person, or should I just stay behind and wait, until I rot?? I did rot once but not gonna be twice. WHY?? That's because I live my own life with my own rules... Reality is indeed crucial and that's why, if you want some, go get some... Nothing awaits for anyone.