There's a lot of meetings to attend. Well, I should make it much specific, there are quite a number of meeting places to go to meet other people. That's sounds much better. First was the new V.E. Committee meeting, which was 9.45am. I was really tired since I didnt sleep quite well. I woke up at 4 to wake Diana up but end up taking nearly 1/2 hour to make sure she's awake. After that, I woke up again at 8 plus, this time, I was late to meet Kah Hong, since my Mum wants me to help her find her band book. It's always like that... Haix... I dont know why my Mum's timing is so good that when I have something on, there's definitely problems from her.

Anyway, during the V.E. meeting, I realised that there's quite a number of papers I need to fill in. There's one paper for 'Cash Advancement'. Another for this and that. I think I need some time to get use to it. Wow!! I didnt know that our camps for last year cost that much!! Haha... I think this year the committee would need to deal with money problems?? I was unable to attend the complete meeting as I had promised Ms Lee last week that I would be going to her school to have a talk with her class. I was not ready for the talk as I feel so isolated this Semester. I dont know... I realised that during this Semester, I was just by myself and during presentations, I wasnt putting my best performance in it. I was actually reading the script instead of telling the class.

I was late for the 2nd meeting, which was Teck whye Secondary School, to help Ms Lee with the talk. I alighted at the wrong bus stop and end up running to the school. Nice try, its been a long time since I run to school due to late for lessons. The last time was still during my Polytechnic days but commonly, its during my Secondary school life. My bad!! Back to the talk, I was just telling the class about what's Polytechnic life and what they do. However, I was very sure that I didnt keep up the expectations of what Ms Lee wants me to do. In Canberra Secondary, I was able to give a good talk but in Teck Whye, it seems to be different. After the talk, I had my pizza which Ms Lee had ordered and I had a mini chat before I went home to have a bath, before heading to Chris house to celebrate her birthday.

Again, I was late for her party, since I had to meet V.J. as we head towards her place together. I was enjoying myself but the day was too much for me and I was feeling very tired, like what I'm feeling now. After my meal, I went to use the laptop and soon, fell asleep. I was exhausted and my eyes were getting smaller. I woke up around 10 and I prepared to go back home with the gang. We walked from Yishun (Chris Place) to Sembawang, before I took the bus back home. On the way to the bus stop, I saw Diana's brother and mother. I did signal to him with a 'Hi' and he signalled back. Okay!! Haha... Sounds weird. Hehe... I reached home at 11 and I went down stairs to buy my dinner as I was dying for something to fill in my stomach.

As usual, after eating my meal, I was tired and keep looking at the various blogs in the Internet. I saw Diana's post... I asked her a few questions and I have a bad feeling about it. I just feel like I have said the wrong thing, again and again. I dont know what to do, except than apologising. Just like what I told Yi Tian today, again and again... I was so sorry for not able to attend the whole meeting and I was feeling very bad for cutting her conversation online. I really feel that I owe alot of people things. Its just that, it seems I could not repay them and yet they would still say 'Its alright...' Was I too sensitive with Diana's words or am I just too tired?? I dont know. I just hope that everyone would smile...

Its hard to get people to smile, especially when I feel nothing at all compared to what others had felt. I could be the only one who feels the joy but the rest... they might not feel it at all. All this while, they might be feeling the pain and torture they had to faced. Like me, I look upon things in a different way. I could be nice but my words could be hurting. I guess I didnt use my brain properly before I say things out??!! Like my past tutor told me when I was young. "Use your numb skull to think..." I think I really need to do this all the time since my brain is mulfunctioning all this while.

Like Diana mentioned in her blog 'People do change.' Maybe I should stop thinking about being myself and think of being in people's shoes instead. Well, its time for me to change I guess... Maybe a person without thoughts, feelings and emotions. I just wish that I could be feeling nothing all the time. Is it necessary that all humans must have emotions towards everything? I dont know... if there is a chance to change my character, my life, my dreams, my aims, my goals, my surroundings, my world... why wont I give it a try... I might be sensitive here but seriously, I sometimes had enough with myself for being a retard who would smile all the while... Making people happy could be a good thing. Making myself sad and allow others happy could be alright for me too. However, making others to feel sad even if I tried to make them happy?? I think I should be classified as a 'Nobody' then... Again, am I thinking too much or I'm just tired? I really dont know...

Tomorrow there's K Box with the V.E. Committee and I have decided to go, since its been a long time I went to K Box. Haha... I have not touch the microphone for a long time. Anyway, AMKS vs SSS Netball finals for C Division is tomorrow... Good luck to AMK Secondary then... Hehe... That's for today then....