I head back to the Bodywatch Gym for some workout today. Although the timing was quite late, I still manage to do a few sets on the major muscle parts. The overall result from the entire workout; exhaustion. I’m having some difficulties moving my hand but it will be fine after a few days. I admit that I have not been having a proper workout for weeks as I realized that my legs are shivering after a shower from my workout. I guess my muscles are not really ready for such vigorous and exercises that are done at its max.

Well, alright, its time for some updates on the Orientation first. I didn’t participate much in the Orientation cum Audition last night. Reason for that, well… I also don’t know. Maybe I was thinking about some stuff that makes me to be placed in a very weird situation. I should be the one to be blame for the mistake that I have done the words that I told Auntie Emily and yet I failed to do it, and ensure that it is done. Well, there might be another reason but I guess, I will leave it to the end before I explain it.

Well, as usual, I find myself in my anti-social’ form where I would not approach someone to talk to, and wait for that someone to talk to me. Not saying any V.E. seniors but as in, I don’t feel like talking that night. The worst feeling was I don’t feel like going for the games, which I felt I should be at home now. Such negative thoughts wondering in my mind! Bad me!

I only felt better when Ming Zhao and Cherrie came, and I was playing with his PSP; Pro Evolution Soccer 2008. When Kah Hong, Ming Zhao and I shouted ‘Goal!’ everyone looked at us with all the puzzled faces, and some, with smiling faces. It really makes a difference when one is smiling at you. What affects the other more is the importance of one in their heart.

In the end, I managed to participate in some games, and seriously, I think the new committee has done their best for everyone with their best games on hand. For that, I really want to say a big thank you to all, as their effort comes in play for the Orientation’s success. Although, I still got a forfeit that would be a never forgetting experience. ZZzz… Gosh, especially when Auntie Emily was also part of the forfeit.

Alright, back to the few issues that I gonna post before I end the entry for today. Well, what happened with promises? I shall explain. I promised too much on things that can’t be fulfilled. I promised too much on things that I could never ever do it. Even if I make it, it was a failure in the end. in general, I am the cause of the trouble, and the results of the trouble. Who to bear? Yeah, me. Who’s fault? Yeah, me. This paragraph sounds demoralizing but I still gonna type it to remind myself; Never make any promises again.

I always make empty promises and it turned out to hurt the people around me. I got some advices from some friends of mine and they say this to me, “Don’t make empty promises unless you are confident you can do it.” I failed miserably on that. I wanted to be punctual but ended late for every meeting or date we have. Yet today, I thought things would be better but no, I still failed. I didn’t get back my laptop home. I know, the laptop is at my secondary school and I never make the initiative to take it. Whatever explanation I have, it’s too late. Done! Nicholas Teo Wei Teck is such a loser! He did something and yet forgets its reasons and results for his actions.

I just feel like wasting everyone’s time here. Just for today, late to meet Eric in school… Fail to get the stupid laptop that’s in Canberra… Wasted a stupid trip to get the keys for the computer lab to retrieve my laptop and in the end, when I got the keys, I say forget it. Why? The damn laptop is still not completely fixed. I don’t blame V.J. for that. I don’t blame my dearest laptop for that. I don’t blame Emily to say me, and end up we don’t get to webcam for the night… Its all lies in me. W.T.F. am I doing?

Alright, that’s enough for the ranting of myself, embarrassing myself and all kinds of crap that I feel about myself today. So from now on, no more promises! Readers, if I ever say or state any promises, just don’t believe what I mean. I’m just a crap machine that craps around and have no understanding of this human world. If I say promise, it’s a bull. Hence, don’t believe a word when I swear something. Thanks!

Now for the other reason that I was moody about, it were the words of Mr. Lathif, my secondary school Maths teacher. I got to meet him in Canberra Secondary on Monday, which the Band was busying having BBQ under the rain, weird but true. Well, Mr Lathif came and the first thing in his mind is Te Seng. It’s been 2 months since that incident occurs and what he said is very true. “Everyone wants to move on but somehow, when a person came in front of you, who is linked to the person who has died, memories will come back again, which means, it goes back to square one again.”

I understand how he feels as his first impression of me reminds him of Te Seng. Anyway, some updates of Te Seng, he scored well for his ‘A’ Levels and that’s a good thing but it is still a waste in the end. For myself, I still miss him. For no reason on Sunday, I thought of him, which he appears in my mind suddenly. Till now, I’m still thinking of him, as a friend who cares for the other.

To move on is hard. I know some of us wish to move on but its very difficult at times. For me, I will be not in the right mood for the next few days but hope it will be better as school reopens next Monday. As for now, I just hope Te Seng is still fine up there…


End…