Writing so much about the relationship sometimes make Auntie Emily feel sick. A friend told me last night that after reading the many past entries that I had published in my blog, it seemed that I was going against her, finding fault with her, portraying her in a bad light. Did I? I did not feel it that way in the beginning.

After a good chat with my friend (a good one), I realised that there are many things that I failed to consider when Auntie Emily makes up her mind, stating her decision to me. Reflecting what had happened since the beginning to the end of our relationship, it were the mistakes that I always made that resulted to her anger, to her decision. It seemed that I have alot of mistakes in myself and I have failed to amend them.

What I have posted online were all the facts that I believed that she failed to do all those stuff that I hope to get from her. However, thinking back, I guess, I failed to do alot of things that she wanted from me, resulting to this outcome of today. That is why people say that for every incident that had happened, do not blame others but yourself. Guess I finally understand what it means. I was wrong for jumping conclusions after all.

Being naggy does not mean loving someone. I used to be naggy, and will always be naggy. However, I need to put myself in the line to understand what is she feeling. I failed to do that. Now, should I continue to chase after her, in hope she will get back to me and start everything anew, or stay single? Decisions are plenty to make but I guess, I still cant give up on her.

I have deleted all the stuff that I wanted to say it out to her, asking her to reflect herself for her past actions. However, after last night, it should be me being selfish, irritating and stubborn, to be the one who should be reflecting of my past actions. I pissed her off but I dont achieve anything from that. I just want her to reconsider her decision again. I guess, its hard until she's cooled down.

All I want was a face to face conversation, instead of phone calls, MSN or SMS chats. Face to face will be a better way to solve every problem, being straight to the point. You mentioned that I was always busy, late and dont have time for you. However, thinking back, its always the bad timing for me, where all the promises I've made were during the busy periods of my semester.

I have alot of things to confess right now. About work, my thoughts, feelings and the things I do. However, I just couldnt put everything in order and say it out to you. I hope you would understand how I feel and give each other another chance to make changes, whether they are big or small. I have tons to change but I guess, you will only changed when I can completely do it.

I just asked for a few simple things from you currently. Chat with me during MSN... Meeting up face to face to talk things over and lastly, to give me 2 hours of your time to spend my birthday with me. I dont ask for anything much. If you are willing to be back, I'll be glad for that decision but if not, I cant do anything either.

Haix... I'm sorry for what I have done. Other than sorry, I can only say its all my fault and I dont ask for forgiveness anymore. I've made empty promises all the time. Changes, I guess its time for me to do that from today onwards but leading my life in the right or wrong way, I dont know.

I'm sorry... To my dearest...