Strange... Things could be very different between dreams and reality. Whatever comes into my mind, the vision between these two dimensions seemed to show a big contrast of each other.

In the dream, whether it is an illusion or an image formed in a clear state of mind, I see myself facing her, eye to eye, discussing the issues and problems that we had encountered that result to the past 5 weeks of silence between us. I was talking to her calmly and was quite hot-tempered at times when explaining my feelings to her.

She would just be sitting on the chair, looking at me and felt that I was a nag in the beginning. However, after saying the truth, nothing but the truth to her, she begin to understand that a relationship needs both hands to clap and not always one at all times. She begin to tear, I start to console, and we were all back together again. Sound simple and pleasing but persuading her was very difficult. Yet, as what I had meant, its all but a dream that has formed in my mind during the many days of sleep since we seperated.

In reality, when it was time to faced her, I had that really strange feeling in me. Although I saw her in school once, I did not want her to see me, knowing that it would affect her mood again. I avoided her without knowing if she did notice my pressence or not.

Thinking that everything is alright, it seemed we still get to meet each other again. I head down to Yishun to meet Eugene and gang for a meal around 9 plus. My footsteps brought me to the bus interchange in fast pace but once I stepped into the bus interchange, my heart begin to feel funny. It was that sinking feeling that tells my mind that what am I gonna do if I get to see her. Yet, all I could do was to laugh myself for having deep thoughts once again.

I saw the bus that we once took to her place. Memories filled up in me, knowing that such a thing would not happen again. With no sight of her in the queue, I board the bus with a half-hearted mind, knowing the impossible is the fact of reality. I scanned my card, head turned to the right and she was there, in front of me, reading her manga comics and listening to her own music, with her headphones placed on long straighten hair, which covered her eyes.

I was stunned, shock and was making my way till I was standing beside her seat. Although there was this guy seating next to her, she did not notice that I was next to her. What am I supposed to do? Wave at her? Say 'Hi'? What if she gets angry again and have the wrong idea that I was tailing her? Wild imaginations choked my mind and stirring my stable emotions.

Suddenly, I saw her yawn while reading. There's an urge within me to go next to her, cover her mouth, like what I always did whenever she's tired. Snapping back to reality, I told myself that I must be nuts for doing that as she should not be seeing me after all. I was standing behind, looking at her backview, getting confused of my actions if she alighted the bus. She alighted and I alighted too (my destination was also near her house).

She never notice me even when she alighted from the bus. She was walking very fast but I just have the feeling of following her, like what I always did in the past while sending her home. I followed and soon enough, she turned around and saw me. I was startled but in my heart, I have many things to pour out from my mind.

I tried to talk but I was shivering. Shivering in fear? In excitement? I was not sure but I was like a dumb dork who seemed to have my tongue twisted. I asked about her NAPFA but did not know what she had really scored, only that she had passed. I asked about her kneecap but she say it was alright. I wanted to send her home but she just want to go home alone. I could not find the right sentences to continue the conversation. All I could do was look into her eyes and she looked back at me. She's tired, I know that, totally exhausted from the NAPFA test. I just told her to rest well and wish to walk away.

Suddenly, I just grabbed her hand, to have that missing feeling that I long to have from her for the very last time. Two seconds was all I had and she shoved it off. I missed her small hand, which once clasped to my hand for comfort, for security. I really missed the hug that I always long to have whenever I see her or sending her home. I missed her voice even though little words were spoken during our short meet up.

When I say the word 'bye', she was yet the one who walked quickly to the lift and without looking back. My heart sanked, as deep as the oceans which humans rarely get to been through. I walked to the area which I was meeting the rest of my gang but with tears filled up my eyes. I was sad, really sad. I was getting insane and I have no idea how it gonna be solved. I wish to cry out loud but I dont wish to create a din for the public to see that. I need comfort but I need to stay strong no matter what. Sobs... Thats all I could do that period of time. Tear, I could only wipe but need to force myself from showing any signs of redish and wet eyes I had when meeting the rest, to avoid them from knowing what happened.

Till now, I'm still thinking that my dream would not be a reality after all. I'm always be the one waiting for her reply. Yet, will she understand how I'm feeling for the past 5 weeks? I really have no idea. Life without her was alright but there's a layer of crack in the core of my heart. Does she have the same crack as mine when she left with an abrupted decision she made? I have no idea unless she's willing to open up her feelings again.

I long for the day when you could just hold my hand again. I long for the moment where you could hug me again with your small palms. I really long to hear the three small yet mighty words from you again which I had to wait for many weeks or months to hear that phrase again.

I really missed you, do you know that? (我很想你，你知道吗？）