How stupid can I be to do the following things today, especially when I saw the P.M. of hers, stating that she head back to the doctor again for the 2nd time.

I cried... I bang my fists on the table... I called... I sms-ed... I webcam... I MSN-ed...

Yet, I was not blaming her for what she had done. I declare that she is not at fault. I know that she's more angry right now after reading this post, since she hate me for posting things regarding her online.

All I could say is, I was worried and helpless. Never did I tried to take care of you, even when we are together. I never blame the issues that forbidden my care for you when you are unwell. I will never blame you for what kind of attitudes you have shown to me.

The only thing that I cried was that my failure to do something to take care of you. If replacing myself to take the pain away from you, I will do that. Just like a fantasy story, if only my life could replace all her pain and sorrows, then let it be.

I must be deeply in love with her. YES! I admit that I'm losing everything in myself now; faith, optimistic views, smiles, my senses and last but not least, trust...

I'm tired... I've waited... 2 months plus... I might not be able to hang on very soon. I'm growing insane everyday, bit by bit, day by day. From her leave, I learnt alot of things about myself, about her, about our past relationship... I realised alot of things and still, I cant let go...

Nic has been the lousiest boyfriend ever for the past year plus back. Neither will he be caring nor understands a person. He never communicates and will be in the world of himself. People called him 'gay' all the time.. I guess he is...

He is never a perfect lover in reality, never will he become a perfect boyfriend in the future. That's because he's insane... hopeless... helpless... turning lifeless... in character...

** This has nothing to do with her. Please dont give her these sterotype views. I'm the one who created all this facts. Hence, do remember that I'm the one who caused the problems, not her. I've lied. Sorry people...